Hello everyone! I'm new to the group. I decided it would be a great vice to seek the support of healthy people rather than the toxicity of my ex. It's been 13 years of back and forth, and one marriage (to someone else not the narc) and I have decided to permanently leave this book closed. I have heard it all over the last 13 years; everything from I was too old to give him children (only for him to have an affair with a married 64 year old woman...he was 32 at the time.) He is currently 36. I am 42. I can count 2 extra marital affairs that I know of; me being one of them and 3 others that I highly suspect. His harem is a long list of women with baggage and low self -esteem. He is charasmatic, sauve, good looking, and a master manipulator. He knows me inside and out. He knew what I was looking for; a stable family life; mom, dad, the kid and the dog. I was abandoned at 12 by my father. So, I have abandonment issues that have carried on into my adult years, although I have received therapy in the past to assist with coping. He crafted himself to be a family man; a man devoted to his immediate family amongst everything else. He is a work alcholic to the core, probably because he can't sit with himself. He has no empathy. He rarely deals with his emotions. He can not make a decision without his mother's backing or sister's approval. Everyone (family, friends) MUST approve of the decision he is about to make. Everything is about image with him. How he dresses, his employment title, how his family presents themselves and of course his partner.  

I have followed this man from the US to Canada, where ever his job (principal) took him. I supported him through every work crisis and health crisis (his mom had cancer..that's how he hoovered me back one time). I have heard that I have no ambition...I'm just a school teacher. As of recent, I just was offered a Vice Principal position and was laughed at and told, "that's interesting, and VP of what?" Rarely, over the last 13 years have I been praised or complimented for anything I've accomplished. Unless, it's my looks. I am (was) his trophy. The girl who was eye candy by his side and we "looked" the part of the perfect couple when it suited him. I was constantly told I was not intellectually stimulating. We fought too much. The fighting came from me not being compliant as much as he would have liked. (Like all the time). He likes his 'ladies' to be smart. If I was suffering emotionally; my mom has had cancer twice and I had a toxic boss I worked for..he was of course there for me like a knight in shining armour. Only, the last crisis he decided to take advantage of that vulnerability and sleep with me. "How special and perfect it was, and how he hoped I was pregnant." I have failed to mention to this point that he has recently found his new supply and I have been discarded....yet again. How kind of him to toy with my emotions while he figured his dating life out. So, the next supply (or harem member) is a 34 year old Vegan, virgin...lol. I kid you not. Her father has passed away, shes a yogi and the kindest person in the world I'm told...oh, and she's a giver. She's got all the markings of a perfect supply. But, I have no doubts that there will be a low time for him and the new supply and I possibly will be hoovered again as I have been SO many times previously.

As I am sure you all know the narc will never do the final discard. It must be something their victims do. Hence why I have choosen to regain my life. I have gone no contact within the last 2 weeks; blocked him from Facebook, Instagram etc..even his family members. I have started therapy and meditation. The anxiety is real and hurts. It's been 13 years. It's hard to wrap my brain around that the person I thought was my soulmate isn't even a real person. Just a character. A character created in a well orchastrated play. We are trauma bonded now, and clearly I have co-dependant PTSD. There are 3 stages to this relationship; discovery, understanding and overcoming. I know I have such a long road ahead....it's fine to say all this however, it's the follow through that matters. I chose to become stronger, I chose self-love and care, I chose to surround myself with positive and supportive people. I will fail, I will chose him over me ...it's to be expected but, I will get back up and I will chose me again and again until chosing him is no longer an option.