Be kind to yourself.Children are resilient and she is obviously a caring and loving daughter.Allow her to be , tell her how much you love her and most importantly stop punishing yourself for being ill. You are still her mother. I know she is young and it seems unfair to burden your children and 'make them the caregiver' but it isn't something any of us wish on those we love.Find a quiet moment to sit with her and talk from your heart about your concerns . I think that honesty is the best way and letting her know how much you appreciate her and love her is important. When the physical things get too difficult then we need to make more time to share our time with our children. This applies even when we aren't ill..Take care .Hugs.LM

LM said it perfectly and I can't add anything else to that except a (((((big hug)))) and I do understand how you feel. My boys are older, but I rely on them so much. Lisa

ohh, i hear you...my kids are older and adults and my mum is 79, my sister younger than me. they are all wonderful, caring, supportive. I feel this same burden every day. shouldn't i be the one caring for them? it is not supposed to be this way...sometimes i just cry, say a prayer, take a breath, and go on. that's when i will pick up the phone to call one of them to say. i love you...many hugs to you and your daughter (you did a good job raising your little one), connie

Developing a sense of responsibility is healthy for kids. However, being given responsibilities that are more than they can handle isn't. Kids get anxious when your expectations exceed their abilities, particularly when they believe that your safety and well-being depend upon them.

So while developing a sense of responsibility is a good thing, too much of a good thing isn't healthy for any child. If you need more help than your children are able to provide safety and confidently, talk over your options with your healthcare team and call the National MS Society for tips on finding help in your home.

This incident wasn't one that is too much for your daughter to take on. I completely agree with LM in her response to you. The problems begin when household chores interfere with schoolwork, social activities, sports, and so on. So, if your children don't have time to do their own stuff, you probably need to reassess and adjust the situation.

When she grows up she will feel more compassion than others would feel

I agree with all! And last poster too--your kids will be better people because of how they learn to help you. I took care of my dad when he was sick (I was a young age) and he felt guilty...but he also thanked me and let me know his feelings of gratitude and love--I felt very special to be needed and of course had no problem helping him--he gave me life! I owe him anything and everything so I have no resentments or regrets that it was such a struggle or hard on me--it was worth it to see him better towards the end and knowing I helped get him there :)

She sounds like a very caring daughter

oh yeh- i would and do feel bad- have 2 crasy dughters- lol- wonder where they get it!!- but if i need them they r here!-if it was turned around- oh id be hurt that i wouldnt offer a hand- but lol!! youngest is 35 yr young!!! -but yes i no where u are commin from!! hugs!!

I do understand your feelings. My mother had terminal cancer in 1985. My sons were 14 and 11. I had just started a new job,my husband was in the Air Force.Both my boys took on the responsibility of being there for my Mom,and helping around the house. My father was in the nursing home with Alzenheimer and cancer.
They never complained.
After 2 months she needed much more.Hospice,home health care,came in,and I qquit work. We tightened our belts,and the boys helped with chores,but still had their own time and activities.
My sons also continued to spend time with their Grandmother. They both adored her.
In 2 more months Mom was gone.
I have no regrets. My 2 boys have grown into wonderful young men. Very caring,with great human and moral values.
Don't beat yourself up. Call for extra support and help if needed.

Hi, its wonderful you didn't need to ask, that tells you what a loving caring daughter you've raised. Congrats!! We only hurt our children when they don't feel loved and appreciated. If you can't cook, but ask her , honey did you eat, that's caring, they now they haven't become invisible.
When my kids were 9 and 12 and a newborn. I was caring for a neighbour who was in bed, I also worked full time, in the morning I would go, tend to her, diaper and all, and leave ,food, water, pills by her bedside, then in the afternoon I would her home from work, run to her house, tend to her, go home cook then take it to her. One morning my son 12, then, told me ,today I'll go ,take it easy mom, he even changed her diaper, without looking, feeds her and everything else. In the afternoon when I went, she was telling me what a wonderful boy he was, he did everything with love and preserved her dignity by not looking, but got it done. My daughter also follow his lead, they would ask each other, who was going am and pm. They use to stay there too long in the afternoon, so I wanted to know why, everybody by separate questioning told me the same, they were talking and getting to know each other. Today my kids are 31 and 28 and still talk about Edna. Lessons whe don't even know we give, because after that my son has taken care of other family members and with love.
Accept help, love, love, love the child. Also get a walker.
Love, Alma

Thank for the replies.

All sage advice.

It's funny I wrote that because I am always telling people to include your kids in your care. That it makes them feel in control and not as helpless. And yet, I don't follow my own advice. My daughters love helping me, and if I let them help me then I have more energy to help them and play with them, so we all win.

I was just having a really bad night that night and letting things get to me. I think I will bookmark this post so I can come back on bad nights and let your responses encourage me.

Be thankful you have your children.

Yes, its a burden. Its not fair. But your children would probably rather help you if they are able to, than have you withdraw.

None of it is fair, but I am sure your children love you and are worried.

My father had MS and was diagnosed when I was around your daughter's age. I am now in my thirties.

I would have done anything for my dad, and would have done so gladly and with a heart full of love. There were certain aspects of care he refused to let me do once the MS progressed pretty far in order to preserve his dignity and I was glad for that.

He only had partial custody of me, was remarried and had two other children who lived with him full time. So I can't speak for all of the time, but whenever I was there I was happy to help.

Once I started driving I would take him to places he needed to go and his legs were so stiff that I was afraid I was hurting him or injuring him trying to get his body into the car. I think it would have been a good idea for me to have had some sort of training to know if I was bending his limbs correctly.

If ever you feel your children are not strong enough to take care of your physical needs, it might be a good idea to call in some sort of home health care. There are ways to get it with financial assistance or insurance. My step-mom was my dad's full-time caregiver, but occasionally they did have someone else come in.

Take care and remember, you're children love you!