Multiple Sclerosis (MS) Support Group
This community is a place where members can discuss current events and weigh in on what's going on in the world.
Well! I had to go back to the dentist this afternoon! Friday when I got back from my long trip up the way & was up there all day & didn't get back til late--well!? I was running a fever of a 100 & my face was swollen! Face/jaw/mouth etc.... I had a knot right on the part of my face lower jaw where they extracted the tooth! Well, next mornin/Sat.... I was exhausted--drop dead!!! And, I slept until 3! Well I was in severe pain, swollen some & running a fever when I went to bed! Well then Sat... morning I got up with my face/jaw & lower lip fat as hell & all swollen & deformned!!! Lip was huge!!!
Well I had to deal with that all weekend! So today my dentist office called & worked me in! He thought I was getting a dry socket! I had some debre down in there & thought I was getting a dry socket so he tortured me a little! Then, tortured me with numbing me again! THAT REALLY REALLY HURT!!! HE STUCK THOSE LONG NEEDLES DOWN IN MY SOCKET HOLES, AMONGST OTHER PLACES!!! AND, I FELT IT!!!
Then he didn't numb me all the way! Then he stuck sharp pointed things down in those holes to get out debre & infection! Then he shoved some foam shit down in the root holes with medicine on them, & THAT HURT LIKE FREAKING HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY HURT!!!!!!!! AND, I GOT REAL SICK & NEARLY THREW UP & PASSED OUT!!!!! I didn't get to go do the other arrons that I needed to do because I was sick & screaming in pain & my face was all numb, swollen & deformed! And, the last thing I felt like doing was running around for a couple of hours with no pain meds & about to hit the pavement!!!
RIGHT NOW I'M JUST CRYING!!! I'M HURT!!! AND, I'M ANGRY!!! I'm sick!!! I'm in pain beyond words! OR I was! I'm on drugs now!!! AND, I JUST WANT TO DIE!!!
IF I WERE A FREAKING DOG MAYBE SOMEBODY WOULD FREAKING KILL ME &/or put me out of my misery! BUT I'M NOT! AND, I DON'T GET THAT DO I! I GET TO JUST CONTINUE TO SUFFER & SUFFER & SUFFER! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE PUT OUT OF MY MISERY THE WAY MY DOG WAS!? IF I GET PUT OUT OF MY DAMNED MISERY I HAVE TO DO IT TO MYSELF!!! WELL! SO BE IT!
I'M DONE!!!!!!!! I'VE OVER ALL THIS FREAKING SHIT!!! I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO GO THROUGH ALL OF THIS!!! BUT THAT'S THE WORLD AT IT'S FINEST!!!
EVERY SINCE LAST TR MY LIFE OF MISERY & HELL HAS KICKED INTO OVERDRIVE!!!
TR BEFORE LAST--RESP...INFECTION, & WAS STARTING TO GET PNEUMONIA! Doc says--Man! You really don't want that with MS!!! It would be really bad news for you if you got it full blown! He was really worried! Then, he got me all worried! Then, he made things better by telling me that MS heat is really bad because if you have that & you get hot then you can have a very serious deadly heat stroke! So don't get hot or overheated & if you do then freak yourself out worrying about what I just told you!!!!!
MONDAY!---Drive long way to doc apppt.... that was Friday! With dogs in the van, one my service dog & the other one the one that needed to see the vet! Then, I drive all the way back here & then almost the same distance in the opposite direction--before coming home!!!--to take her! Doc says lets x-ray her lungs first! If she'd got cancer in them then that decides everything else! She does! I knew that because of her breathing!
So!!! MONDAY--I spent the entire day on the road sobbing the whole freaking entire day!!! And, then have to spend the last time with my dog doing all that retarded shit!!! And, then I have to spend her last minutes there with her! Then, hold my best friend in my arms as I watch the lift drain out of her!!! And, I DON'T CARE WHY I DID IT OR THAT THERE WAS PLENTY OF GOOD REASONS IT STILL HURTS LIKE HELL!!!! AND, I STILL FEEL LIKE SHIT ABOUT IT!!!!! AND, I STILL FEEL LIKE I MURDERED ONE OF THE FEW THINGS THAT DID LOVE ME JUST THE WAY I AM THAT DID STICK BY ME NO MATTER WHAT!!! SHE LOVED ME LIKE I WAS SOME FREAKING GOD! AND, WHAT THE HELL DID SHE GET FOR IT!!!???
A MESSED UP, DYING STRUGLELING HUMAN BEING THAT WAS ALL TO HELL & THAT PUT HER DOWN IN THE END!!!
And, then the next day I had to burry her!!!
And, then Friday I had to travel that long trip again to really go to the doctor this time!!! And, right before that I had to have a rediculous arguement with a nut job secretary at the old vet clinic who was trying to stick me & take advantage of me! I had paid all my bills there & this crazy nut job trying to rob me!!! Tried for 3 freaking months to force me to pay 90 bucks that I didn't owe her! Then when I refused to let her rob me, she started attacking me as a human being & animal owner! And, told me that I HAD A TONE & WAS GETTING AN ATTITUDE WITH HER BECAUSE I REFUSED TO LET HER CONTROL & MANIPULATE MY MONEY!
Basically! She had taken money that I had paid & pocketed it!!! And, then was trying to force me to pay it over & over! And, when I went in armed with bank statements & my computer with online banking--she again!--she didn't appreiate my tone or my attitude!!! Even though I remained calm, curtious, & nice through the entire thing!!! She told me to GET THE HELL OUT & GET THE HELL OUT RIGHT NOW!!! OR SHE WAS GOING TO CALL THE POLICE & HAVE THEM TO ESCORT ME OUT!!! I TOLD HER THAT I CAME FOR MY CHECK & THAT I WASN'T LEAVING UNTIL I GOT IT SO GO AHEAD!!! MAKE MY DAY!!!
Hell! I wanted them to come!!! I came there prepared to call them myself because the bitch was trying to rob me!!! So I left alright! I went to my van & came back with my computer that time! Then,the vet was there & getting all AHole with me! So I told her & said--Look!!! Look right here lady!!!! I got it pulled up on my computer right here for all of you to see, now come on over here look at it!!! Cause it proves that I'm not lying!!! She is!!! And, so the vet said the same shit!!! Told me that she didn't give a damn what it said, that she wanted me to get the hell out of her office! As she said that she HANDED ME THE MY CHECK--THAT THEY HAD BEEN HOLDING HOSTAGE!
I SAID--THANK YOU LADY!!! THAT'S ALL I WANTED!!!! AND, IT'S OBVIOUS THAT YOU DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THE TRUTH OR YOU ALL WOULD HAVE LOOKED AT THE PROOF THAT I PUT RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR EYES!
THEY NEVER ONCE LOOKED AT ANY PROOF THAT I PRESENTED OR LISTENED TO ANY TRUTH OR FACTS THAT CAME OUT OF MY MOUTH!!! BUT INSTEAD LIED!!! TOLD ME TO GET THE HELL OUT! TREATENED ME WITH FORCE TO BE REMOVED! AND, THAT SECRETARY BEFORE I WENT BACK IN REFUSED TO GIVE ME MY DAMNED CHECK & IN FACT!!!! TOLD ME THAT SHE WAS GOING TO RUN IT THROUGH & CASH IT ANYWAY!!!! EVEN THOUGH SHE KNEW FULL WELL THAT SHE HAD BEEN PAID & THAT i HAD PAID FOR EVERYTHING!
PS! The dog I put down saw a new vet that I have & that was done elsewhere!
Reason I included this shit is this: It just makes me sick to death that I've had the week I've had & that I suffer, physically, mentally & financially like I do & that some sicko nut job working at a vet clinic--no less--would try to use me & take advantage of me, my dogs & my situation!!! GOD!!! THAT JUST BURNS ME UP & MAKES ME SICK!!!!
Then, I had to have my tooth extracted the day before I had to deal with that bitch! Then, go back today & deal with all that whole nightmare!
And, I have to do all of this shit & had to do all of this shit alone here!!! There was nobody here that went with me or that went with me for support or to battle that ole witch up younder!!! And, then today! I needed to come on home & take pain meds & go to bed! I did! But then, I needed somebody to go to the pharmacy for me & get my nausea meds that he called in for me! By the time I get them tomorrow I PROBABLY WON'T NEED THEM!!! BUT I'M GETTING THEM ANYWAY JUST IN CASE I DO AGAIN!
SO THE POINT OF ALL OF THIS IS THIS: THIS IS MY LIFE NOW!!!! MY LIFE IS NOTHING BUT PURE SHIT!!!! TORTURE! PAIN! SUFFERING! BEING ALONE! WATCHING MY DOGS DIE ONE AT A TIME! BEING POOR! NEVER BEING ABLE TO GO ANYWHERE OR DO ANYTHING!!! MOST OF THE TIME I DON'T EVEN HAVE THE MONEY TO GO TO THE DOCTORS, MUCH LESS HAVE ANY MONEY TO EVER GO ANYWHERE OR DO ANYTHING FOR LIFE! FOR LIVING! FOR FUN! AND, I'M SICK OF IT!!! I'M SICK OF ALL OF IT! I'M SICK OF BEING SICK! TIRED! SICK OF BEING IN PAIN! BEING TORTURED! SUFFERING! AND, I'M SICK DAMNED TIRED OF BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF OR PEOPLE TRYING TO JUST BECAUSE I'M POOR & ILL & IN A BAD SITUATION!!!
I'M SICK OF ALL THIS SHIT!!!! AND, I'M SICK OF BEING ALONE WITH IT!!! AND, I'VE REALIZED!!! THINGS ARE NEVER EVER GOING TO GET ANY BETTER!!! THEY'RE JUST NOT!!! AND, I FOR ONE, JUST SIMPLY CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE!!!
I TOLD MY FRIEND I COULDN'T & I TOLD HER GOODBYE!
AND, I AM TOTALLY SORRY FOR THIS BEING SOOOO LONG! AND, FOR BEING SOOOO DEPRESSING!!! BUT I JUST WANTED TO SAY HOW I FEEL & WHAT IS GOING ON WITH ME & THE SAD TRUTH OF WHAT ALL THIS MS OR WHATEVER DISEASE & BS DOES TO A PERSON & DOES TO THEIR LIFE!!! I JUST DON'T FEEL LIKE LYING ABOUT IT OR ABOUT HOW I FEEL!!!
AGAIN!!!! I'M SORRY THAT ALL THIS TOOK TOO LONG! AND, I DON'T EXPECT ANY REPLYS!!! SO DON'T FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING!
I JUST WANT TO DIE! AND, I JUST WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW THAT & TO KNOW WHY I FEEL THAT WAY!
SO SORRY FOR BEING SOOOOO HONEST & SOOO DAMNED DEPRESSING!!!!
ALL OF YOU ARE GOOD FOLKS!!!! AND, YOUR ALL IN THE SAME BOAT I GUESS & DOING YOUR OWN STUGGLE! SO PLEASE!!!! DON'T LET THIS STOP YOU FROM TRYING TO GO ON YOURSELF!!! JUST KNOW THAT NOT ALL OF US CAN!!! SOME PEOPLE LOSE THE FIGHT!
AND AS I WRITE THIS I KNOW THAT I OWE ALL OF YOU AN APPOLIGY!!!! SO I AM VERY VERY SORRY TO ALL OF YOU!!!
GOOD NIGHT NOW! AND, THANK YOU FOR TOLERATING ME AT ALL!!! AND, FOR BEING THERE FOR ME!!! THANK YOU!!!
Well I had to deal with that all weekend! So today my dentist office called & worked me in! He thought I was getting a dry socket! I had some debre down in there & thought I was getting a dry socket so he tortured me a little! Then, tortured me with numbing me again! THAT REALLY REALLY HURT!!! HE STUCK THOSE LONG NEEDLES DOWN IN MY SOCKET HOLES, AMONGST OTHER PLACES!!! AND, I FELT IT!!!
Then he didn't numb me all the way! Then he stuck sharp pointed things down in those holes to get out debre & infection! Then he shoved some foam shit down in the root holes with medicine on them, & THAT HURT LIKE FREAKING HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY HURT!!!!!!!! AND, I GOT REAL SICK & NEARLY THREW UP & PASSED OUT!!!!! I didn't get to go do the other arrons that I needed to do because I was sick & screaming in pain & my face was all numb, swollen & deformed! And, the last thing I felt like doing was running around for a couple of hours with no pain meds & about to hit the pavement!!!
RIGHT NOW I'M JUST CRYING!!! I'M HURT!!! AND, I'M ANGRY!!! I'm sick!!! I'm in pain beyond words! OR I was! I'm on drugs now!!! AND, I JUST WANT TO DIE!!!
IF I WERE A FREAKING DOG MAYBE SOMEBODY WOULD FREAKING KILL ME &/or put me out of my misery! BUT I'M NOT! AND, I DON'T GET THAT DO I! I GET TO JUST CONTINUE TO SUFFER & SUFFER & SUFFER! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE PUT OUT OF MY MISERY THE WAY MY DOG WAS!? IF I GET PUT OUT OF MY DAMNED MISERY I HAVE TO DO IT TO MYSELF!!! WELL! SO BE IT!
I'M DONE!!!!!!!! I'VE OVER ALL THIS FREAKING SHIT!!! I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO GO THROUGH ALL OF THIS!!! BUT THAT'S THE WORLD AT IT'S FINEST!!!
EVERY SINCE LAST TR MY LIFE OF MISERY & HELL HAS KICKED INTO OVERDRIVE!!!
TR BEFORE LAST--RESP...INFECTION, & WAS STARTING TO GET PNEUMONIA! Doc says--Man! You really don't want that with MS!!! It would be really bad news for you if you got it full blown! He was really worried! Then, he got me all worried! Then, he made things better by telling me that MS heat is really bad because if you have that & you get hot then you can have a very serious deadly heat stroke! So don't get hot or overheated & if you do then freak yourself out worrying about what I just told you!!!!!
MONDAY!---Drive long way to doc apppt.... that was Friday! With dogs in the van, one my service dog & the other one the one that needed to see the vet! Then, I drive all the way back here & then almost the same distance in the opposite direction--before coming home!!!--to take her! Doc says lets x-ray her lungs first! If she'd got cancer in them then that decides everything else! She does! I knew that because of her breathing!
So!!! MONDAY--I spent the entire day on the road sobbing the whole freaking entire day!!! And, then have to spend the last time with my dog doing all that retarded shit!!! And, then I have to spend her last minutes there with her! Then, hold my best friend in my arms as I watch the lift drain out of her!!! And, I DON'T CARE WHY I DID IT OR THAT THERE WAS PLENTY OF GOOD REASONS IT STILL HURTS LIKE HELL!!!! AND, I STILL FEEL LIKE SHIT ABOUT IT!!!!! AND, I STILL FEEL LIKE I MURDERED ONE OF THE FEW THINGS THAT DID LOVE ME JUST THE WAY I AM THAT DID STICK BY ME NO MATTER WHAT!!! SHE LOVED ME LIKE I WAS SOME FREAKING GOD! AND, WHAT THE HELL DID SHE GET FOR IT!!!???
A MESSED UP, DYING STRUGLELING HUMAN BEING THAT WAS ALL TO HELL & THAT PUT HER DOWN IN THE END!!!
And, then the next day I had to burry her!!!
And, then Friday I had to travel that long trip again to really go to the doctor this time!!! And, right before that I had to have a rediculous arguement with a nut job secretary at the old vet clinic who was trying to stick me & take advantage of me! I had paid all my bills there & this crazy nut job trying to rob me!!! Tried for 3 freaking months to force me to pay 90 bucks that I didn't owe her! Then when I refused to let her rob me, she started attacking me as a human being & animal owner! And, told me that I HAD A TONE & WAS GETTING AN ATTITUDE WITH HER BECAUSE I REFUSED TO LET HER CONTROL & MANIPULATE MY MONEY!
Basically! She had taken money that I had paid & pocketed it!!! And, then was trying to force me to pay it over & over! And, when I went in armed with bank statements & my computer with online banking--she again!--she didn't appreiate my tone or my attitude!!! Even though I remained calm, curtious, & nice through the entire thing!!! She told me to GET THE HELL OUT & GET THE HELL OUT RIGHT NOW!!! OR SHE WAS GOING TO CALL THE POLICE & HAVE THEM TO ESCORT ME OUT!!! I TOLD HER THAT I CAME FOR MY CHECK & THAT I WASN'T LEAVING UNTIL I GOT IT SO GO AHEAD!!! MAKE MY DAY!!!
Hell! I wanted them to come!!! I came there prepared to call them myself because the bitch was trying to rob me!!! So I left alright! I went to my van & came back with my computer that time! Then,the vet was there & getting all AHole with me! So I told her & said--Look!!! Look right here lady!!!! I got it pulled up on my computer right here for all of you to see, now come on over here look at it!!! Cause it proves that I'm not lying!!! She is!!! And, so the vet said the same shit!!! Told me that she didn't give a damn what it said, that she wanted me to get the hell out of her office! As she said that she HANDED ME THE MY CHECK--THAT THEY HAD BEEN HOLDING HOSTAGE!
I SAID--THANK YOU LADY!!! THAT'S ALL I WANTED!!!! AND, IT'S OBVIOUS THAT YOU DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THE TRUTH OR YOU ALL WOULD HAVE LOOKED AT THE PROOF THAT I PUT RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR EYES!
THEY NEVER ONCE LOOKED AT ANY PROOF THAT I PRESENTED OR LISTENED TO ANY TRUTH OR FACTS THAT CAME OUT OF MY MOUTH!!! BUT INSTEAD LIED!!! TOLD ME TO GET THE HELL OUT! TREATENED ME WITH FORCE TO BE REMOVED! AND, THAT SECRETARY BEFORE I WENT BACK IN REFUSED TO GIVE ME MY DAMNED CHECK & IN FACT!!!! TOLD ME THAT SHE WAS GOING TO RUN IT THROUGH & CASH IT ANYWAY!!!! EVEN THOUGH SHE KNEW FULL WELL THAT SHE HAD BEEN PAID & THAT i HAD PAID FOR EVERYTHING!
PS! The dog I put down saw a new vet that I have & that was done elsewhere!
Reason I included this shit is this: It just makes me sick to death that I've had the week I've had & that I suffer, physically, mentally & financially like I do & that some sicko nut job working at a vet clinic--no less--would try to use me & take advantage of me, my dogs & my situation!!! GOD!!! THAT JUST BURNS ME UP & MAKES ME SICK!!!!
Then, I had to have my tooth extracted the day before I had to deal with that bitch! Then, go back today & deal with all that whole nightmare!
And, I have to do all of this shit & had to do all of this shit alone here!!! There was nobody here that went with me or that went with me for support or to battle that ole witch up younder!!! And, then today! I needed to come on home & take pain meds & go to bed! I did! But then, I needed somebody to go to the pharmacy for me & get my nausea meds that he called in for me! By the time I get them tomorrow I PROBABLY WON'T NEED THEM!!! BUT I'M GETTING THEM ANYWAY JUST IN CASE I DO AGAIN!
SO THE POINT OF ALL OF THIS IS THIS: THIS IS MY LIFE NOW!!!! MY LIFE IS NOTHING BUT PURE SHIT!!!! TORTURE! PAIN! SUFFERING! BEING ALONE! WATCHING MY DOGS DIE ONE AT A TIME! BEING POOR! NEVER BEING ABLE TO GO ANYWHERE OR DO ANYTHING!!! MOST OF THE TIME I DON'T EVEN HAVE THE MONEY TO GO TO THE DOCTORS, MUCH LESS HAVE ANY MONEY TO EVER GO ANYWHERE OR DO ANYTHING FOR LIFE! FOR LIVING! FOR FUN! AND, I'M SICK OF IT!!! I'M SICK OF ALL OF IT! I'M SICK OF BEING SICK! TIRED! SICK OF BEING IN PAIN! BEING TORTURED! SUFFERING! AND, I'M SICK DAMNED TIRED OF BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF OR PEOPLE TRYING TO JUST BECAUSE I'M POOR & ILL & IN A BAD SITUATION!!!
I'M SICK OF ALL THIS SHIT!!!! AND, I'M SICK OF BEING ALONE WITH IT!!! AND, I'VE REALIZED!!! THINGS ARE NEVER EVER GOING TO GET ANY BETTER!!! THEY'RE JUST NOT!!! AND, I FOR ONE, JUST SIMPLY CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE!!!
I TOLD MY FRIEND I COULDN'T & I TOLD HER GOODBYE!
AND, I AM TOTALLY SORRY FOR THIS BEING SOOOO LONG! AND, FOR BEING SOOOO DEPRESSING!!! BUT I JUST WANTED TO SAY HOW I FEEL & WHAT IS GOING ON WITH ME & THE SAD TRUTH OF WHAT ALL THIS MS OR WHATEVER DISEASE & BS DOES TO A PERSON & DOES TO THEIR LIFE!!! I JUST DON'T FEEL LIKE LYING ABOUT IT OR ABOUT HOW I FEEL!!!
AGAIN!!!! I'M SORRY THAT ALL THIS TOOK TOO LONG! AND, I DON'T EXPECT ANY REPLYS!!! SO DON'T FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING!
I JUST WANT TO DIE! AND, I JUST WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW THAT & TO KNOW WHY I FEEL THAT WAY!
SO SORRY FOR BEING SOOOOO HONEST & SOOO DAMNED DEPRESSING!!!!
ALL OF YOU ARE GOOD FOLKS!!!! AND, YOUR ALL IN THE SAME BOAT I GUESS & DOING YOUR OWN STUGGLE! SO PLEASE!!!! DON'T LET THIS STOP YOU FROM TRYING TO GO ON YOURSELF!!! JUST KNOW THAT NOT ALL OF US CAN!!! SOME PEOPLE LOSE THE FIGHT!
AND AS I WRITE THIS I KNOW THAT I OWE ALL OF YOU AN APPOLIGY!!!! SO I AM VERY VERY SORRY TO ALL OF YOU!!!
GOOD NIGHT NOW! AND, THANK YOU FOR TOLERATING ME AT ALL!!! AND, FOR BEING THERE FOR ME!!! THANK YOU!!!
Last month I spent 1 1/2 hours on the phone, with six different people, trying to get them to change my bank routing number (my bank was bought by another bank) for a direct debit to pay my bill automatically. I got tired of explaining it, called back the next day and got someone who I thought was competent. He said he couldn't change it, but he could set it up. So I said fine, cancel my direct debit with the old bank routing #, and then set it up with the new #. I thought he did that. Then yesterday I got a bill for two months. All he did was cancel my old routing # but never set it up with the new one.
So I called them yesterday, got someone who could barely speak English, told me I had to change it online. I spent 1/2 hour following his instructions, finally paid the double bill while he was still trying to figure out how to set it up, and told him that if it took that long to set it up, I would just pay online each month.
That doesn't solve your problem, just letting you know that we all have stuff to deal with, whether or not we have MS.
I have days when I feel the same way as you. Why bother going on? Nothing is going to get better. I think of my three children, my sons could handle it okay, my daughter however would be devastated. I gave her a long hug last week when she came for a short visit, like it might be the last time.
Last fall I planned when, how, and where. I gave myself plenty of time so I could rethink my decision. I wanted to make it easier on my children, so I'm waiting until after I do my taxes. I filed a bunch of papers yesterday, still need to change the beneficiary on my daughter's life insurance policy to her new husband. Then I will do the taxes - I have organized the papers - and then we'll see.
Give yourself time to think about it. Once the weather turns warmer I know I'll feel better. Can't say that my decision will be any different, but at least I will have given life a fair shot.
From someone who's been there, I just wanted to know if you're feeling better today.
Your name says it all. You are a Warrior. You're a fighter. So FIGHT!
I have to make a trip to MT tomorrow!!! To see my new family doc! And, I really really don't want to go because it's going to pour down the rain!!! And, be all cold, rainy & youcky!!! Sorry! Can't spell that damned word right now!!!
As I write I have on baby boy--Paint with is front feet on my left leg as I sit here at my desk at the window! He has his back feet on my bed! Cute!!! Too cute! His little brother is standing between my legs with his head on the other leg looking up at me with his dear sweet little face!!! They love me soooo damned much!!! Were it not for my other precious little Britt family I would already have been dead several years ago! My dogs are the only things that stop me when I get down to my final moment of--cutting my wrist or whatever it is I have planned!? I change my mind from time to time!!!
As I right now, I am still NOT WANTING TO BE HERE!!!!!! I REALLY REALLY DON'T WANT TO BE HERE! AND, IT ALL COULD HAVE BEEN OVER IN FELL SWOOP IF THAT GIRL HAD JUST KILLED ME THAT NIGHT COMING HOME!!!
Paint's little brother is named River! And, thier beautiful sweet little sister that is my protector & cuddle bunny is named Star! She has seizures! I worry about her a LOT!!!
I wish that I could get my photos to load to this site because they are all soooo beautiful! But none of my photos will load here! Makes me mad!!! :) My main couple Chaser & Feather are my main kids! So their kids are my grandkids & their grandson is my great grandson!!! LOL :)I gave them all a bath yesterday & did their nails! Cute them! Started their ears but didn't get finished! Will try to finish that tonight!
My socket still hurts! And, my jaw is still swollen! The sun is out a little bit here today! Yesterday I was going to go out but it was pouring down the rain & I chose not to go out yesterday but instead to stay here & do dog baths, sweep, mop, laundry, etc... spent my whole day doing that! And, waited to do my running today when it wasn't raining & the sun was out a little!?
The FIGHT!!!! Has just gone out of me!!! I just don't feel like fighting anymore!!! I'j just too tired!!! Too sick! Too ill! In too much pain right now!!! Grief too!
Well! I need to head out on my ugly arrons that I really really really do NOT want to do! But once again LIFE is FORCING me to do anyway!
Thanks for all the support & understanding guys!!! Means soooo much!!!!! Means everything right now!!! You guys & my dogs are all I have in this whole ugly world right now!!! Thanks guys!!!
hugs!!!