Multiple Sclerosis (MS) Support Group
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I have a lot of pain with my MS and often get cramps and back aches and such. My hubby is super supportive in most ways but he is a T10 paraplegic and has a lot of pain as well. Even if I'm sitting right next to him writhing in pain it will take him more than 10 minutes to even acknowledge me. And he doesn't always even do that. Whereas if he is in pain I always do what I can to make him feel better even if it's just talking and telling him that I'm here for him. He always seems to have one excuse after another for why he can't run my back. Or he will tell me that we can go to bed early and he will rub my back, but that never happens. How do I tell him that I feel neglected and how much it hurts me when he acts like he doesn't hear me in pain?
What I do a lot is to proclaim something rather than just ask for what I need. Sometimes just asking for a hug can change the entire mood in the house.
I agree with both of the others but try to discuss it when you are not in bad pain & definitely not in bed! One of the worst places to have discussions on these sorts of issues.
When you get a chance to sit down together try & discuss it without accusing him. Try the path of using "I" instead of "you don't". In other words eg: when I am in pain I would really like a back rub as it helps me so much & also like the closeness we both have when
helping/touching each other.
In regards to feeling hurt & neglected let him know it hurts your feelings when he doesn't acknowledge you are in pain too & that upsets you as you don't feel understood.
In the beginning I would be careful about not saying you feel neglected as that can cause more hurt for him not realising what he has been doing.
Often males do not see what they are doing too, everyone is guilty sometimes of this.