I feel for you tara. You will make this, truly you will. Husbands are expendable. Send him back to his mother defected! This is a time that he should be with you and Hannah. Good luck, and let us all know how her surgery goes. My thoughts and prayers will be with you. Lynne

I'm glad you can vent here! I hate to say it but men are babies. I'm hoping he's better to you tomorrow!

Best of luck with the surgery and with your symptoms. Remember men are missing "that gene" whatever it is that makes them compassionate, caring, understanding and above all else self serving! Vent away I am sure you will get lots of support here. You have mine!

Hey, that is a mighty wide brush you are using to paint men with. Vent away, but male bashing is kind of a stretch.

So sorry, didn't mean to insult men in general but most husbands of MS patients tend to want to bury their head in the sand. I swear there are 2 extremes - the ones who are so supportive that it is nauseating and those who show little to no support and, in fact, even compound the problem. Mine is a good guy basically but he pushes the limits, like a child, to see how far he can push me before I break. I think he feels it is somewhat of an embarrassment to have a wife with MS as he tells me not to tell anyone I have it! Consequently we go few places and see few people. I guess if he says it out loud he will have to believe it and no one wants to look down the barrel of a smoking gun - me included but it is what it is. Again, sorry if I offended you - didn't mean to and not really man bashing as I am sure there are women out there with husbands or fiancee's who do the same thing - just seems more men tend to be non-copers when something like this comes along. Again, my apologies.

Your husband is a TOOL! Unless he has a medical condition, he is an ass for not being there for you. Unless you 2 haven't been on the same page for forever or something, well either way...I agree with the post that said, send him back to his mommy defected. & while you are at it find another caring soul that understands & loves you for you. You deserve it & it is possible to find true, real, honest love. I have & it's not perfect, but it's a process that 2 people decide to go through together, good, bad OR indifferant. If it's not that way, then it's not meant to be.

BRAVO to you for braving the pain to be there for your little girl!

Shame on your hubby for not giving a crap. MAYBE, just maybe there is a reason he has stopped caring & maybe try asking him why honestly he feels the way he does about you & the family. If there isn't a valid reason that you both can work through together...then throw away the trash & clean house! Hehe! Seriously!

Take care,
Stay sane!

I agree with beluemyst--this relationship needs serious evaluating. I can't imagine my husband acting like that. If anything, he refuses to let me do things! LOL But in a good way. He's always doing the housework when I am too sick to get out of bed or making me little snacks without me even asking. :) After 7 years, he's started to read my mind.
He IS compassionate, caring, selfless, and copes as well with the MS as he can. He rarely complains though he does so much for not just me but everyone.
I'm not trying to brag, I'm just pointing out that there are men who are mature. And there are men who are babies. And also there are men on here complaining that their wives left them bc of their MS.
So it's nothing to do with gender and evreything to do with WHO the person is you're married to.
Please sit down with him as she suggested and try to communicate. Maybe try couples counseling so both of you have somewhere to express frustration about the illness. OR could do sessions alone if he needs somewhere to vent. He sounds like he resents you or something... and is overwhelmed--even though I know you don't think he should be. Thing is, he FEELS overwhemed and you can't argue logic with feelings.
Def. not defending him though. That was shitty and it should be a deal breaker on this relationship. Something has to be done or soon your daughter will notice how little daddy cares...and that's a tragic thing.
BIG HUGS
hang in there!

Thanks all. There is really no evaluating to do. I have evaluated and reevaluated my marriage to death. I know the issues. Basically, it is a weird midlife crises. My sister's husband is doing the same thing. They reach a point where they don't want to face reality or responsibility and want to move back home and let mommy take care of them.

I am saying this of my husband and bro-in-law, not of men in general. He literally turns to mommy for everything.

After spending the day all day at the hospital with Hannah yesterday, I came home, he had been home in bed all day. And no, he has no medical issues. But his mom called and said he was stressed and I needed to take the kids so he could rest and watch a movie and destress.

When, I was in the hospital, she came in to see me and my husband told her the morphine was not helping me. She said to me, I am not really concerned about you as much as Rob, he has to work tomorrow, he needs his rest. We had been at the hospital 3 hours at that point, and he went and ate dinner and took a nap during those 3 hours. It was 6 PM and Rob did not work till noon the next day.

His mom babies him and that is what he wants. He cannot face reality.

I know the issues. I have worked on them for years. Only so much I can do and I have now stopped working so hard and am focusing on my girls.

BTW, Hannah is here beside me, her surgery went well and she is doing great.

I'm so glad that Hannah is doing well. That is wonderful news. You are truly blessed to have her go through what she did and come out okay.

On your hubby. I understand how a mother can damage her son. I'm trying now not to do that to my 19 year old son. It is hard to cut the apron strings and sometimes I don't want to let go. It's a shame your mother-in-law does this to him. She doesn't help.

Continue to have good health. Now you have to take care of YOU!

Really sorry to read about your experiences and hope that you do get all the support you need - and that you start feeling better. It really makes all the difference when you can face something like MS together.

At the moment I am having to be supportive of my wife as her daughter is going through cancer treatment. Emotionally it is getting us both upset but we try to share as much as we can. Afraid to say I seem to be the weaker one, prone to tears, although my wife just hides it better.

And by the way I'm the one with MS and when it comes to supportive partners, she is brilliant. She has inspired me and taken me from wheelchair to walking & climbing stairs. It was the rest of my family who had given up on me (including my first wife).

Sorry to hear of your lack of support from your Husband. That would really make me mad too. I do not have a husband, been divorce for 10 years. Sometimes I think I want one, but then I think it might be harder to have one, another person to please, relationship work, etc. Guess I will stay put with my little dog for now.

You are what God made, a mother--the one who holds the family, the universe going.

Your spouse, like mine, should be where the sun doesn't shine. They are dead in the soul, unable to give. They drain, they live off what little we have to give. They can be happy and "unstressed" when we have nothing left in our heart or soul.

You are the Mother--a secret he will, thankfully, never understand.

Please be careful what you wish for. I too have MS and know the pain of it. I too have a child who has gone through surgery that I had to suffer through the anxiety of watching him endure at a young age. Though my husband was absent for another reason than yours, it is no longer an option that he is there with me. I lost my husband to cancer at a young age leaving me with a child of 5 years old and to deal with the diagnosis of MS on my own as well as the compounded stress of doing everything myself, including paying the bills and care of my child. Try to think of how though he may not be the ultimate husband, think of your life without him at all. If he helps in any way, be grateful because life can change in an instant. It is all a matter of how you view things.