I can relate to everything you said. Everything. I think I've always had this infliction tho. It's been harder to control, but I've had to apologise so much it's caused me to learn to keep my mouth shut. Practice, practice, practice.

You know, Eloise, perhaps there's a deeper anger there that can't be fixed just by taking pills. Are you in therapy or seeing a psychiatrist or psychologist? If not, perhaps it's something for you to consider. Maybe you need a helping hand after getting this last "kick in the pants" from your MS dx.

Good luck.

I agree with LilMargie. I started Therapy and there IS much deeper anger that at times just comes out and whips everyone else around me. I'm learning to deal with it.

I think a major source of my problem is prednisone. For some reason, it makes me crazy when I get down to the lower dosage while doing a taper. Since I also have asthma and it has been acting up lately, I've been given prednisone to take to open up my airwaves. I don't take this drug every day, but have taken it in a week to ten day dosage about six or seven times since last fall. I hate what it does to me emotionally, but being able to breathe is kind of important to me as well.

Therapy--yes--I agree--very helpful! I have a great counselor that I have been seeing off and on for 20 years. I don't think I have any deep seated anger--resolved that several years ago.

Thanks for your comments!

Michelle

living with a cronic illness can be very maddening at times! at least you're recognizing when you need to apologize. since you're already seeing a counselor maybe you could ask her for some relaxation techniques? it might help???

Michelle--be careful with prednisone. I know it can help, but my brother-in-law was recently hospitalized for a few days due to inflamation of his pancrease due to prednisone. He has Crones disease and has used prednisone in the past without any complications, just not this time.

If you were to read a number of my posts, you would discover that one of the bad effects of MS is that sometimes the cranky times suffered by the patient are very toxic to the family and spouse, etc.

I've thought about this alot -- being the spouse. My conclusions are several fold but the two most important two are:

First, a nervous system with MS is inherently anxious and frustrated in it's desires and purposes because nerves are getting energized to send messages yet the messages get blocked, diverted through places that add a whole lot more gerbage and weird content -- including emotional overload to the signal that is trying some way to get completed.

Second, because MS is so totally randomly unfair and uneven in it's effects, it's hard not to be angry with the MonSter's interference.
Trouble is, anger is a bypass emotion -- it often completely masks the feeling underneath, be it loss, sadness, frustration, or whatever. It's such a powerful emotion that it overrides every bit of good sense we have. And if the nerves which would normally tamp down the angry responses are the same ones that aren't getting their signals through, then what?

All of the other comments I have read here are important parts of rebalancing. Finding the right anti-anxiety/anti-depressant combination. Finding out the angry triggers via therapy and getting them dealt with. Practice Practice Practice.

But without the next thing, you'll not progress. You've absolutely positively got to get plenty of rest including extra rest so that the "wires stay cool", i.e., those nerves are as fresh as possible when they're needed to deal with life challenges.

My nurse says it can be the MS itself as well as the meds we take. She called it the "MS personality." Oh great!

Good for you with the therapist. I've found it helps a lot. Have you tried yoga? Specifically, yoga breathing and meditation? This technique has helped me through many stressful situations. In addition, yoga is really good for your body. Yoga can be tailored for ANY ability. It also helps to reduce spasticity and increase flexibility. I love it! Just tell the instructor you have MS. They are very accomodating!

YES I NOTICED THAT FOR ME TOO! ONE DAY I FEEL I CAN CONQUER THE MS THE NEXT DAY I FEEL THERES NO HOPE.I AM NOT ANGRY AT OTHER PEOPLE BUT I GET ANGRY AND DEPRESSED AT THE MS.NOT BEING ABLE TO WALK NORMAL AND HAVE MY LIFE AS THE WAY IT WAS 2 YRS AGO BEFORE THE MS.I TRY TO STAY AS POSITIVE AS I CAN.I THINK THERE ARE DAYS THAT MY SENSE OF HUMOR IS NOT WHAT IT WAS.AND THERE ARE DAYS I FEEL LIKE MYSELF THAT NOTHING HAS CHANGED THER ARE DAYS I EVEN QUESTION THAT I HAVE MS.GO FIGURE

Hi there, I think for myself i have hormonal fluctuations causing a lot of my symptoms like yours. I am skipping cycles, longer, shorter , etc.Woman with MS are not new to this problem. MS symptoms become more pronouced , as well as emotional. Could you be in pre menopause, or menopause? Take care, Sandi

Thanks for all of your replies. Heartspeaker, you make a lot of sense and it's good to get the viewpoint of the spouse. I wonder what my husband would write. He's been so good to me.

In reflecting on the questions posed in your responses, I have come to the conculsion that I do have an anger issue. I feel like I have been discriminated against by my school since they won't hire me for any other job--even though I am finishing my master's degree in the field where the vacancies are. I feel like I've been used by the system and now that I am almost 'used up,' they just want to get what little more out of me that they can. That's pretty much my anger issue--have discussed it with counselor. One day I'll be okay with the whole job issue and the next I'm mad again. Maybe MS does have its own 'personality'. Not menopausal or pre (surgery took care of that eleven years ago). So guess I'm left with prednisone as a possible culprit as well as the other diseases. I try to use humor whenever I can. Most days I succeed. Some days, like today, I don't. But tomorrow is another day and I'm going to think positively that it will be fantastic!
Here's hoping for all of us that the rest of the week will be filled with energy, laughter, joy, peace, and the feeling that we don't even have MS.
~Thanks to all of you for your kind and thoughtful responses!