Multiple Sclerosis (MS) Support Group

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Eloise 04/18/2007

Here I am again. I think I am addicted to this site!

Now the reason for this post: I discovered what I used to be able to do and how much my husband has been doing that I didn't realize. Confused? Here's what happened: he had to go out of town for work which left me to make arrangements to get our son to golf and back, make sure medications (his) were taken on time, run home for lunch and feed the dogs and let them out, etc. I also subbed during my prep. period and then worked until 7:00 p.m. this evening supervising the computer lab. I didn't mind doing the subbing or the supervising as it enables me to get my own work done and get paid for it at the same time. I started to feel like the old 'me'! I had forgotten just how much I used to do every day.

Th eold' me feeling and pride didn't last long, though, as I realized how fatigued I had become, how much my fingers were tingling, and how my fingers weren't nearly as nimble executing the tiny movements required of a craft I was doing.
Not looking for any answers, just sharing. I'm sure all of you have experienced something similar--getting a brief glimpse of the past--only to come to grips once again with the future. I'm not upset or 'bummed out,' just reflecting about seeing myself as I 'used to be.

Eloise 04/18/2007

I should proofread. I mean the present, not the future.

deleted_user 04/18/2007

Yes, I know how you feel. I wish I could do what I use to do.

deleted_user 04/18/2007

Thank you.It seems lately I fight every day to do the things I used to do.So hard.
Now I am not alone.

deleted_user 04/18/2007

You're singing my song. :) At one time when I thought of the good old days, it was 25 or 30 years ago. now a days the good old days is last year when I could walk 4 blocks with just a cane.

deleted_user 04/18/2007

Your post really hit home for me. I've been struggling with being "tired." Tired of life with MS, frustrated with the way I have to break tasks down into smaller components in order to do them without exhausting myself, sad about the fact that the "Karen" I used to be just isn't here anymore in the same way.

I know that I'm resilient, and that I will "keep on, keeping on," but lately, I just wish that things weren't so damn hard! Thanks for helping me realize that I'm not the only one who goes through times like this.

-Karen

deleted_user 04/18/2007

I know exactly waht you are saying. Over the weekend my husband walked the MS walk with a team and I sold T-Shirts. When I was working I cut hair and it was go-go for 12 hours. It was like that selling T-Shirts for 2 hours and it felt good and familiar at the same time. My husband commented that it looked like a tough job because everyone wanted there shirts before the walk started.

By the time I got home had dinner and we went to the zoo since we got in for free from the walk I was dead I slept for 20 hours and here it is almost wednesday and I am still recovering. It just proves to me what I am not able to do anymore. My husband also does a lot. I am trying to recognize that and also recognize the fact he never complains...

Take care, Renea

deleted_user 04/18/2007

I know what that feels like. I knew that I wasn't up to some things, but how much is "gone" has hit home since my husband died in February. I am slowly learning what I can do and believe that nothing is "gone" just changed.

heather1 04/18/2007

I'm like you Mike.. with the cane thing...last year when we went on our fishing trip i took my husband and son hiking up some falls in the areas,, i had grown up in the area and knew it well,, im so glad i took alot of pictures as i know when we go back up in june to go fishing i will not be able to take them back up the falls like i wanted to this year.. the climb is to steep and slippery to manage with my cane and leg.....grin..yep the good ole days..

deleted_user 04/18/2007

Amen, to you! I have been struggling with all that I have let go & my husband has had to pick up. I feel really bad about it but what can you do? I mentioned to my mom that I needed someone to clean my kitchen and baths and she wanted to know why my husband couldn't do it. I went down the list of the stuff he is doing... not to mention the fact that his work, while a good effort just doesn't pass muster!! (I used to clean her house until late last fall & she doesn't understand why I can't JUST DO IT!) (By the way, my husband would note that MY cooking doesn't pass muster either, so we're even!!!) Anyway, it's hard to let go of things we have always done and hard to admit the things we just can't do all the time. Which opens a whole new can of worms... When you feel well enough to clean the shower one day and can't climb the stairs the next. The darling husband and kids think it's a cop out. hmmm

tjquiver 04/19/2007

Ditto to everyone's comments here!! My marriage has been suffering horribly lately b/c I don't always feel like doing all the things we used too (yes, you can even use your imagination here!). The worst part though, is the fact that my mind has been suffering something awful, and my memory isn't anything that it used to be. This just eats him up, like he just doesn't get it!! He goes off on me all the time, b/c I'll get sidetracked doing things, take too long on others, etc... I think I'm nearing divorce and it scares the "bajeebees". By the way, he is severly controlling, jealous, timed everything to the second....so, imagine what my life has been like since my health has taken a down-hill turn? Yep, I've been very depressed for several years now! :(
~ Tonya

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