Yes to all of these. If you are paranoid, then I am too. LOL

hell...i dont work..have ppms..and intractable epilepsy..and am married with three kids...and i wish somedays that someone would take over for the day and make the decisions..sigh..and just once ask how i was feeling and pay attention when i say..im feeling like crap and am going to lay down...you deal with it all..grin..

but i do understand the wonder if in years down the road if i will be a burden..as i lose more and more mobility to walk..

so no i dont think your being paranoid hon...i think these are questions we have all asked ourselves on one level or another at one point wether we so chose to admitt it or not...sigh

hugs
heather

I have to pick up my copaxone from the UPS Store, because my 91 9/10 years old does not know I have MS. This gets complicated at times, so I thought I should really get it delivered to the neighbors across the street. I really do not want to tell them, because they would look at me every day like I were dying... It's weird but even in my good shape, older than a lot of retirees, I still feel that way at times. Actually, I am making arrangements for myself, because thoughts of being in that position, take the life out of me. Good luck to everyone, and please take care!

H there. This is my first post here, and something I can relate to. I have been Dx'd with the MonSter since June 2000 (ha- coming up to my 8th anniversary soon).

Last time I had my Annual I was still "Relapsing Remitting but i feel "progressive" of late.

Anyway "Employment Enjoyment" in MS is a big question. I lost my job as a computer specialist 6 years ago. I wandered about for a few years asking that question. I live in Canada (BC Actually) so we have a different type of medical then most.

a year or so back, I decided to start my own business. I decided that sitting here online with the world's information "at my fingertips" I may as well do something productive rather then just sitting on my disability income.

My business, a public ad supported coffee newsletter called "Walk-N-Roll" is doing well (although not producing much money but not going into debit)

MS gave me tools like a reason to drive an environmentally friendly vehicle around my city. Due to occasional vision problems I no longer drive conventional vehicles, so I travel in an electric mobility scooter. It goes for many miles (many more Km as we do not have miles here).

Driven by my scooter and a desire to succeed (MonSter willing)I stepped back and explored my options in the work field. Even able people get exhausted looking for work this was tough.

Most of the skills that were open required "leg work". I could no longer do anything I ever did in the past.

All that info on the companies I could apply with (they were looking for people with skills and I am a person with varied skills) had buildings not Access freindly". Wow talk about challenges.

Some one told me about call centers. We are fortunate in my city to have a place that deals with in bound calls for cell phone activation. Chances are, if you have a T-mobil Cell phone in the USA, you have a chance to talk to me!!!

I started working last September.I found a place that pays me well to roll in, put on a head set and tell folks to have a nice day.

In kind of a long winded explanation, I guess I am trying to say "explore all your options, the true falure is giving up". there is always something you can do.

Eloise, I think the more diabled you are, the more challenges you face.
I have a lot of medical issues, believe me, but I still can get around without a wheelchair or walker and I'm still able to drive.
Some people are less fortunate and depend more on others for support.
Since I don't really have a family of my own, perhaps I'm less fortunate in some respects.
But children are a double-edged sword. I've seen the dissension and problems that they can create firsthand, and sometimes I'm very relieved that I don't have to deal with it.
I've lost contact with many of my friends since moving after the attack.
I missed them sometimes, but I rather not discuss my illness quite frankly, so I'm just looking down the road to see what else is in store for me.
I get annoying stuff presented to me too. Like my mom constantly asks me if I'm forgetting something because
I'm absent-minded now.
Although I don't like being reminded of it, I've learned to just ignore things like that.
I've had a lot of practice in this area. It's probably my Buddhist nature.
I guess I'm grateful that I don't depend upon others too much because I like being independent. I hope to God that I continue this course.
I wish you the best. You have a lot to be grateful for yourself. God bless you and peace always

Meinbc, I didn't see your post til later. Your story is very inspiring. God bless and peace always.

Yup, yup, and yup. I think we all have these issues at one time or another. Right now, I feel like I'm slowly being "erased" from the world. All the skills, friends, experiences, and ambition that made me ME are dissolving, one by one. To top is all off, I bought a local history book the other day and found that one of my most impotant contributions to the area I live in has been "translated" to give someone else credit for something I actually did as well as ignoring the more important accomplishment for that same time frame (accomplished by me, singlehandedly.) It's like my prior life was an illusion! I thnk that the real test is how you handle these situations. Maybe its time to live with a different vision of who we are and what we are supposed to accomplish in this lifetime. Does that make sense to you?

Embee,

You nailed it. I feel like the person that is/was 'me' is being erased. Great analogy. Yup. Feeling a little blue. May be having an exacerbation, but am unsure. Thanks to all for your replies. That's why I like this site so much--great support and knowledge. You're all wonderful!

Michelle (aka Eloise)

people project their own fears and insecurities, they just don't know how to respond and tend to respond the OPPOSITE

if you want positive responses, say negative things; if you want negative responses, say positive things.

whatever you say they minimize or maximize depending up on your positivity or negativity, in direct opposing proportions

Larry I am not being sarcastic, but your insights are very good, if not a bit harsh on humanity which is needed. I like the way you think, it cuts through the chase. Take care.

Yes, I sure can relate. This is an aggrevating disease to have especially when you appear healthy, but feel like crap internally, mentally and emotionally. I often isolate myself from public situations to avoid having to explain. I'm more comfortable with the few people who have been there from the beginning and has seen the decline in my cognitive issues

I have been at the point that you seem to be right now. I'm glad that I was able to get past it though. All of the people that added only negative thoughts to my life, I decided to cut off. I only associate with those who understand that yes I have MS but, I am still the same person. The same inside and out. Except for the lesions anyway. Try as hard as you can to stay positive. Everyday I find many things to make me smile. Birds chirping, hearing rain fall, watching children play etc. Life is what you make of it. Make your life the best that you can. MS can't take that away from you.

Well I just don't like that everything is blamed on my MS. Everytime I forget anything it's because I have MS. Everytime I do anything it's because I have MS.

Drives me crazzzzzzzy! I am not MS!!!! I am ME!!! LOL wait it's not so funny!

Jargon and Sayings just don't cure reality

No matter what you say, SOMETHING destroyed the myelin sheath in my brain prior to and including 2002, like having 2 fingers chopped off, small bit in each attack. No matter how you slice it (LOL), no matter the jargon or the cute little sayings, the damage was done and I'm suffering with it and for it ever since.

Keeps me mostly indoors when it's raining or snow or windy and freezing. Keeps me from traveling long distances without knowing where restrooms are likely to be, plus I have bottles in my car and sometimes wear but thankfully never needed depends, YET.

I can't Run, or Jog, or Walk Fast (which was my only speed of walking until those attacks).

AND of course, NOBODY sees the pain or spasms or feels the charlie horses or numbness or vertigo or any number of symptoms that come and go, wax and wane, increase and decrease in intensity.

I can Manage everything nowadays, but the limitations are and probably will always be the way they've been since 2002.

My MRIs since LDN show the same picture of lesions every time, so I'm not progressing any MRI perceptible amount, but I'm not Healing or Curing any myelin sheath permanently scraped and scared