we have problems with this too. our abuser went so far as to not only forbid us to talk but fix it that everything we did say would be seen as a lie and all physical evidence was just not there. even all these years later its nearly impossible to get anywhere with psychs therapists doctors or even just regular people. there is very little trust we have for anyone because somehow even if they believe little bits of it here and there the moment there's a hint of a threat of us being a lier we close up.

i don't know if any of this helps. we still haven't figured it out. but i hope at least you know we deal with something similar so hugs :)

thanks. good to know I'm not the only one.

just feel like it's ruining any chance we have of ever getting better.

The ability to have deep relationships not only rests in your ability to trust others, but also in your ability to trust yourself.

This comes from an article on trauma healing and can give you a direction in therapy:

Due to the fact that a sense of safety is intertwined with issues of trusttrusting others and oneselfthe growth through this first phase is often gradual and can have a halting, stop-and-go quality. The survivor will know that he or she has grown through this first phase when:
She or he no longer feels utterly vulnerable.
She or he has a degree of confidence in self-protective abilities.
She or he is able to manage emotional reactions to both life events and trauma triggers in a healthy, non-damaging way.
She or he knows whom to count on for safety and support.

I hope this helps... Trust is core to healing.

For ourselves we were not only made to feel like liars, like noone would believe us, that we werent worth listening to, that our thoughts and opinions would always be seen as dumb but real threats to the lives of the ones we loved kept us silent. Its amazing how real fear keeps us trapped and that fear becomes fear on a subconscious level so that we dont even know we are experiencing fear when conversing with other people. So when we have our personal feelings related to communicating with others, plus we add on the emotions of our internals well then I think its kind of understandable why we find it so difficult to communicate with external people. I think this is one of the reasons why we love meeting with people in person who we are friends with online. We have shared great quantities of our lives with friends online that when we meet them in person it feels like they have been long time best friends and we can trust them. At the moment our counsellor is getting us to do some homework by speaking up in class. it is daunting and scary but it has been a matter of going in with a question that we have prepared.

My only other advice is honesty with therapist. If she is good she already knows of these troubles. Be kind to yourself and know this is normal for us.

on top, I find its a self sabotage to not talk to a therapist. Something inside turns that into 'see nothing to say we dont need to be here'. Am fighting that thought with this dr, even tell her. I am resigned that even if its the same ol for a year I wont stop

I find it is a very shaming think to talk about. Though logically I know this is the brainwashing, its really hard to open up and talk about

Why, sounds exactly like what you said. How...a dose of reality that is bigger than the fear...if you do not open up to someone, you will continue to suffer. I hope you will find some answers.

I know exactly what you mean. I also cannot talk. It's so frustrating! :( I hate it when people get mad at me for it too.

Thank you everyone. I'm glad we've found at least one place where we can be a little more open with what we are struggling with.