ok, here goes, I'm just going to put it out there, ok?..... The other day I was going to university as usual and was doing ok, had all the kids where they had to be on time, school, preschool and daycare and I was in the car alone when this voice came out with "you're on your own now, no kids around, you should just end it all" and the urge got stronger and I thought, F*** it, why not, so I rang my ex and left a message saying he would have to pick up all the kids and where they were etc. He had given me a rough couple of days proir to this. Then I think, cool, that's done. Then another voice comes in and says "go to uni first and then see how you feel after that", so I think hmm ok, then the first voice comes back and says "why bother, life is too hard, it's never going to get any better, there's always going to be something to get through and enough is enough", so I think - true, then another voice says "think about the children, your father left you that way, don't do it to them", then another voice says "you need to do a will fist or else you're leaving a big mess for some one else" - true, then another voice "just have another baby and that will fix everything", yeah crazy I know. So then an argument starts, "go to uni", "have another baby", "just end it, get it over with", "don't have a will", "deserved everything you got", so then I get confused and think - this is ridiculous, for goodness sake shutup. All morning this voice was sending hints, "tell the ex where the car is parked so he knows where to pick it up from", he tried to ring me but a voices were saying "dont answer him, he'll only talk us out of it" or "don't answer him, he'll only make us feel worse and start a fight". Consequently I pulled myself together and then sent him a message telling him I could pick up all the kids, thanks anyway and I did. Am I alone, am I completely nuts?
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