Multiple Personalities Support Group

Dissociative identity disorder is a diagnosis described as the existence in an individual of two or more distinct identities or personalities, each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment. At least two of these personalities are considered to routinely take control of the individual's behavior, and there is also some associated memory loss,...

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Virginity and MPD/DID

Wheezie
Wheezie
We struggled hurting for years believing that our virginity was taken from us.It wasn't until I read that your virginity can not be taken from you it has to be given by you wholehearted.Mind,body and soul.This sparked off a firestorm of realization in me and my alters the day we learned it.Since they all were created during sexual assaults and were numb because of dissociation during sex none of them really ever gave their virginity to anyone and my core who was dissociating in to these alters during these assaults and also consensual sex because of her fear of it never gave her virginity to anyone either.Essentially I was a virgin even after being with my husband for 13 years and having 2 children.When my core decided to completely give herself to my husband and didn't dissociate during it(which was a very hard thing to overcome) it actually felt like I was a virgin all over again.It was truly a beautiful,weird and amazing moment all at the same time.
starfish
starfish
Yeah, that one is complicated. The key word I think is, "giving"....not the same as your virginity being taken by someone. And, depends on how you look at it. Physically, your virginity gets "lost" the first time you have sex. However, emotionally, that is not necessarily the case. And like you said, I believe is also true. If someone takes your physical virginity, you have to process it in order to be able to voluntarily give it to someone else. However, another facet only we have is, some of us inside may not have ever experienced losing our virginity, or giving it. In that case, we need to be able to talk about that together in a compassionate, understanding, and healing way.
Wheezie
Wheezie
I completely agree Starfish. I have had alters that were created by emotional or physical abuse that were never around during sexual abuse or sex for that matter and they did believe themselves to be virgins.The weird and amazing thing is that we all know that your body changes to these alters when they switch and when these alters in me grew and learned and were ready to consent to sex and did they experienced consensual sex like any virgin would ie pain and soreness.Obviously there was no way for all of the physical symptoms concerning the hymen and everything like that but their emotional ties to their own virginity were so strong I'm hypothesizing that they gave me somatic pain to simulate that experience whenever they lost theirs. It has happened to me a few times like that and every time is does it still never ceases to amaze me.
stephanietram
stephanietram
wow! That is an amazing concept.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thank you for sharing that thought, Wheezie.

What if one of you gave your virginity to someone mind body and maybe spirit, and then later regretted it? For me, I was pressured and passively nagged into the idea of doing it with a boy friend. Maybe I created an alter just to have this experience, and then that alter became the one who does such things. Emotionally, we were not ready. Before this time, I always said I was waiting until I was married, and I secretly thought of becoming a nun. I know I didn't want to go through with it, but I felt i had to or he wouldn't love me! And then my core almost automatically regretted it. While the part of me that did it was trying to be happy and satisfied.

But I really like this concept, so empowering, and you are brave for being able to bring this up. The idea of rebirth, or experiencing life as new and whole again speaks loudly.
Wheezie
Wheezie
Sofie, what you are describing is called sexual coercion.It is rape but instead of a physical overpowering they wear down your defenses mentally.Being raped this way for me was worse than a physical overpowering because it compounded shame and guilt in me.With a physical overpowering you can always say I couldn't do anything because they were stronger than me but with sexual coercion you blame yourself for giving in when it was really them mentally breaking you down. I felt the same way as you with every man that I had a supposed relationships with before my husband.Child molesters and rapist use this technique all the time to get what they want from there victims.Any avenue they can exploit they will.Be it with false love,insincere compliments,alcohol etc. Being survivors of childhood abuse we are very vulnerable to these things.Here's a few links to sexual coercion explaining what it is. http://www.fit.edu/caps/documents/SexualCoercion_000.pdf
http://www.nomas.org/node/150
http://www2.truman.edu/~aweitz/prevent_date_rape/research_findings_forced_consent.htm