Man, sweetie, I wrote a poem like that once. I'm afraid my poem is too graphic to post. But I understand the feelings completely. I'm not sure of all my memories presently but I think I made a new alter that night. And I suspect like you, this horror was just one of many nights. It hurts so much to go back and feel those god forsaken feelings over again. My alter who actually went through it (for me it was a rape at 9) says I have to remember because as the host I have the best ability to love my alters and heal. Please pardon my language but it hurts like a mother fucker. I'm committed to helping my alters and myself get past this. But I'm in the thick of it too. Just want you to know I understand and sympathize dear. Peace.

If it were me, I'd think about how much I trust my therapist....some people in general, understand that you are writing about feelings and remembering what happened. And some don't understand the poetic and creative aspect, and would take it more literally and perhaps be concerned when they don't necessarily need to be.

If you are concerned about what action your therapist might take because of what you've written, you are safe because 1) you have not said that you are going to hurt yourself or anyone else. 2) having written it as a poem, or creative abstract, you have free license to write whatever and however you want it to say without reprocussions. However, you would still have to rely on the understanding and interpretation that your therapist might have, which might surprise you if/when you share something like this.

You could always ask something like, ..."I've written about my abuse I remember back when I was little...do you think it would cause you concern if I read it to you?"...that gives your therapist a chance to let you know what grounds they might consider to be alarming and needing immediate action.

However, I've also been baited more than once with false assurance of safety, so you still need to rely on your own instincts as to how much you know and trust this therapist. Especially, (not to be judgemental, just my experience I've had in the past) when it comes to government funded (ie: through county services) therapists, it is my opinion that they in particular, often have the ego need to usurp power over the people they see. (who happen to be the poorest and most vulnerable and unable to afford a lawyer)


I would not share something like this with my current therapist.

He is a good therapist, but also kind of uptight and does not express much of a sense of humor. And his own vocabulary is straight-forward with no darkness in it. Which suggests to me, (along with the way he's reacted to just a little bit of graphic things I've told him so far, that aren't even directly related to the abuse)

OOPpppsss!!!

....which suggests to me, that my current therapist may not have the emotional fortitude and/or understanding of artistic freedom and is more likely to naively take it all literally and take it to indicate emotional instability in the present.

i dont know which part of me wrote this, but whoever it was sent it before i knew about it.

my therapist responded ok, she did throw in the
"go to the hospital if you're feeling unsafe" bit, but that was to be expected. she wants to talk about it more at our next appointment on monday, and help me gt through this. i know shes a great therapist, but that doesn't mean i don't get slightly paranoid sometimes. when I got this response i let her know that it was from "someone else" as well

also, poetic though it may seem. this was very literal (sad to say). this is a memory from my childhood. exactly as it is being remembered, so Im not sure how creative that would be considered

the poem I wrote that is a similar experience was actually written by an alter while I was dissociated. It was 15 years ago. Just last week I had an actual conversation with this particular alter for the very first time. I found it took me so long to be able to know her because I was not ready before now to accept I had DID and all the memories that came along with her. With effort and patience you will probably find out who is writing for you. But you should know they are about you and horrible. So take good care.