Multiple Personalities Support Group
Dissociative identity disorder is a diagnosis described as the existence in an individual of two or more distinct identities or personalities, each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment. At least two of these personalities are considered to routinely take control of the individual's behavior, and there is also some associated memory loss,...
I am only now realizing this in the rearview mirror, so to speak.
We're trying to fix our marriage right now...we are having a marathon argument in emails...and I think around # 20 communication was actually and for the first time...achieved in our relationship...
My wife grew up in a family that was NOT violent...They had arguments, they were opinionated...I sort of get the metaphoric image of balloons bouncing off of each other... All full of hot air, but no actual venom or violence.
So...she was being critical of me, and apparently expected me to just tell her to p!ss off and/or otherwise stand up for myself. She expects me to tell her off in a strong way.
The catch is...up until about 2011, whenever my wife raised her voice...I dissociated.
I literally heard nothing but a rush of sound and could not speak coherently after the first sentence in which she raised her voice.
...Do any of you have that problem? words and sentences blipping out? micro-dissociation?
She shouts at me, it's like putting my brain through a food processor (It slices! It dices!)
Even if I wanted to shout back, and I don't...I can't! I am not able to. It used to be because I was too out to lunch as soon as she shouted...now it's because I walk out when she starts yelling...
I have been literally prevented from feeling my own anger at her for most of our marriage.
For the past three days, I have been...feeling the outrage...and it's starting to give way to...a deep feeling that no matter what happens, divorce or seriously rebooting our marriage from the ground up...that I will be ok, and it's all going to actually work out.
Well...I have at least figured out why my protector kid was engaging in a quiet campaign to get rid of her.
We're trying to fix our marriage right now...we are having a marathon argument in emails...and I think around # 20 communication was actually and for the first time...achieved in our relationship...
My wife grew up in a family that was NOT violent...They had arguments, they were opinionated...I sort of get the metaphoric image of balloons bouncing off of each other... All full of hot air, but no actual venom or violence.
So...she was being critical of me, and apparently expected me to just tell her to p!ss off and/or otherwise stand up for myself. She expects me to tell her off in a strong way.
The catch is...up until about 2011, whenever my wife raised her voice...I dissociated.
I literally heard nothing but a rush of sound and could not speak coherently after the first sentence in which she raised her voice.
...Do any of you have that problem? words and sentences blipping out? micro-dissociation?
She shouts at me, it's like putting my brain through a food processor (It slices! It dices!)
Even if I wanted to shout back, and I don't...I can't! I am not able to. It used to be because I was too out to lunch as soon as she shouted...now it's because I walk out when she starts yelling...
I have been literally prevented from feeling my own anger at her for most of our marriage.
For the past three days, I have been...feeling the outrage...and it's starting to give way to...a deep feeling that no matter what happens, divorce or seriously rebooting our marriage from the ground up...that I will be ok, and it's all going to actually work out.
Well...I have at least figured out why my protector kid was engaging in a quiet campaign to get rid of her.
There is also passive agression...most of the time, when you think of being aggressive, you think of outward things like what I just listed. However, giving someone "the silient treatment"...(not to avoid continuing a fight, but as a form of banishment) "forgetting" to do something that was obviously forgotten on purpose with a negative impact....in other words, still offensive, mean, hurtful, etc...but indirectly....is also stilll violence. With a twist, I think too, because passive agression is often a lot more difficult to confront, point out, or prove. Which I think, suggests someone who does that, might be in deeper denial, their own thoughts and feelings driven at a further distance from their own awareness. Just my thought...I really dunno.
I am glad you're connecting with your feelings....and seeing that how your marriage turns out or not, does not dictate how your feelings about life will be. THAT'S GREAT!
During my first therapy sessions, I remember seeing my T's lips move but I could not hear what she was saying to me.
After an argument with my spouse, I would find it difficult to show any feeling of being hurt, it would come out paradoxically as a smile on my face .
I remember , having felt like wanting to cry all week without being able to and it is just before a therapy session that, seeing a beggar on the pavement, my tears flooded.
I notice I am the only one in the family who seems to remember the tension ,constant denigration and verbal abuse my father exerted on us.
I am learning that it is safe to express myself.There has been a lot of misunderstanding with my husband because of my muteness or "wanting to be loved at any cost" attitude.
Coming into contact with some frozen parts of myself who were still in stupor and unable to express themselves properly seems to strangely have helped me to come forward for the sake of them all and speak out.