Multiple Personalities Support Group
Dissociative identity disorder is a diagnosis described as the existence in an individual of two or more distinct identities or personalities, each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment. At least two of these personalities are considered to routinely take control of the individual's behavior, and there is also some associated memory loss,...
I have recently been reading a lot of articles concerning SRA(which I have been a victim of) and how these groups are aware of MPD/DID and how to program their victims. It got me to thinking and I am here to say that the basic fact that you are abused repeatedly in your youth programs you to a life of this abuse until you get in to recovery. This is why so many childhood abuse victims are unable to break these cycles and fall victim to abusers repeatedly in adulthood.I myself fell victim to these abusers until I met my husband. Every single "relationship" and I use that term extremely loosely was either coercive or forced (If you did not know yes you can be raped and subjugated in to a relationship by this rapist.I know of three different women besides myself that have fell victim to abusers in such a way and I have read numerous articles by therapist that say this happens often.) in nature and neither I or my alters were able to see that until we got deeper in to recovery and learned. It's a tragic fact but it seems well ingrained in to the fabric of our society. How many times have you heard "why do women like the bad boys?" or "nice guys finish last"? My deprogramming began the day I picked up and began to read Resurrection after rape.Since that time I have noticed so many women that are in these abusive relationships that are not even aware of it.It is truly heart breaking because I know that telling them would not make a difference. They have to learn this themselves.Another tragic fact is that these abusers know these supseptibilities.They know how to read the cues of an abuse victim and they know that people with MPD/DID will supress these memories thus giving them free reign to abuse at will without repercussions for their actions. Another sad fact is it truly does affect your intelligence to be repeatedly abused this way.The more you are abused the more you compartmentalize severing connections in your brain with these walls of supression. You can have an IQ of 200 but have the emotional intelligence of a three year old. Albert Einstein was proof of that.This man came up with many of the theories that govern physics these days but I have read he couldn't even tie his own shoes until he turned fourteen. The silver lining is that you can recover that lost intelligence through therapy. I know this from first hand experience being a witness to it in my own self. Sorry for my ramble but these are things that I have been contemplating for quite some time and thought that I would share them here.
~K
i think that people who have an abuse background, w/or w/o sra are vulnerable to predators, i think of them as that, because they often are unfamiliar with what a nurturing, mutually respectful relationship looks like. if you werent raised in a home that exposed you to it you probably wont seek it out and dont think about it. you might feel a need for it but you wont know how to go about fulfilling that need. an example.
i was watching a tv sitcom and was moved to tears when i saw a daughter talking with her dad about how her day went. i had never had that conversation with my father. i was in my 40s when i had that realization! imagine. it just never occurred to me that i had spent my entire life never having such a conversation with my father. the loss i felt was impossible to calculate. so if you switch it to being abused you can see the enormity of trying to establish a different type of relationship, it is almost impossible to envision if youve never had one. you have nothing to refer to, no idea other than what you see in the media and thats very stylized so youre going to have a difficult time figuring out what to expect and how to proceed.
i am very fortunate, i never had an abusive relationship. not physically, emotionally or sexually. i do not know why but it never happened. id id tell my former spouse before we married that if he ever had the notion to strike me to be sure he killed me because the first time he did would be the last time. i would not tolerate violence. he looked at me as if i was crazy until i explained, he told me he was sorry id been through all that. the cycle can be broken.
for those still in the cycle please do not blame yourself. it is difficult and frightening to break. the abuser does not want you to be free and will do whatever they can to keep you in it. you deserve to be whole, nurtured, respected and loved for who you are. and you can find someone, if you choose, who will offer you all that in return for the very same and demand nothing more in return. if you are in an abusive relationship please find support, here and/or in your community, you do not have to suffer alone in silence. silence kills, please speak up.
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Because my parents chose to lock me up in a closet with severe ear infections and not get me medical care as my ears bled out FULL OF PUSS, I had brain surgery at AGE 29 to remove a tumor off my brain and mastoid bone! I WAS DEAF AT AGE 29 in 2004 in my left ear!!
Because of that surgery in 2004, TODAY I got the results of my MRI'S back I have an infection in my mastoid bone and brain! The tumor on my other side of the mastoid bone and brain is enlarged, requiring surgery as well.
BECAUSE OF THE ABUSE I HAVE DAILY CHRONIC MIGRAINES AND EXCRUCIATING HEAD PAIN. IS IT LINKED TO THIS?
TO TOP IT OF
BECAUSE OF REPEATED BEATINGS AND MY ABUSE, I HAVE ISSUES WITH MY NECK AND THE MRI CAME BACK I HAVE HERNIATED DISKS.
BECAUSE OF THE ABUSE I LIVE IN EXCRUCIATING PAIN DAILY WITH FIBROMYALGIA, MYOFASCIAL PAIN SYNDROME AND CHRONIC FATIGUE SYNDROMES.
BECAUSE OF THE ABUSE SEX IS CONFUSED TO ME AND IS NOT MY OWN
BECAUSE OF THE ABUSE I AM NOTHING F RAG OF A HUMAN BEING!!
BECAUSE OF THE ABUSE I WANT TO TAKE MYSELF OUT. BUT IN TRYING TO DO SO 13TIMES AND FAILING .. I'M A JOKE!
BECAUSE OF MY ABUSE THE FAITH THAT GOT ME THROUGH EVERYTHING WAS DESTROYED THE SAME WHEN I REMEMBERED THE SATANIC RITUAL ABUSE. MY FATHER SAID GOD PUNISHED ME.
I THOUGHT YOU ALL ON DS SHOULD KNOW BECAUSE NO ONE HERE CARES. I TOLD MY MOM WHO IS MY ABUSERS WIFE.. ALL SHE COULD SAY IS I'LL PUT YOU ON THE PRAYER CHAIN. THEN TALK TO ME ABOUT MY OTHER ABUSER COUSIN. I HUNG UP. I AM A MESS.
IM SORRY.
BECAUSE OF THE ABUSE.. I RELIVE EVERYTHING IN MEMORIES AND FLASHBACK CONSTANTLY.