Makes sense to me.. All the research that I've done seems to say that this is a very intelligent way of the brain in dealing with things too traumatic to deal with at that time. The brain splits to protect the primary personality and allow functioning. But then, the seperate alters develop into personalities of their own.

What if you think you can never deal with it?

Sadly Loddy many people believe that very notion.If you believe you can never deal with it you will always dissociate,always be depressed,always feel incomplete,always self-harm,always be supseptible to abusers,you will always have nightmares,flashbacks and somatic pain.You will suffer every single symptom that MPD/DID has to offer without relief and you as well as your alters will carry these symptoms and this burden to the grave.In my opinion there is no greater tragedy than that.That beautiful human being that is hidden underneath all of that hurt is yearning to be free.To live life to your fullest. It just takes that first step and a bit of courage to face your memories.That is when healing begins.I know you can do it!

Thank you for your kind and inspiring words,Wheezie

The main factor with MPD/DID however, is that it occurs at a very young age and repeatedly. This is when the brain is undeveloped, and there is no possible physical way to escape the situation. Therefore, the memories that have been stored, are often memories that are also undeveloped. It is also true, as with physical trauma, the brain can sometimes overcome the trauma by making new nerve ending connections; that is how people recover from a stroke, or from an accident that causes severe neural damage.

Not all cases are recoverable, however. That depends largely on the amount of damage incurred, as well as the strength and ability and determination of the person who suffers the trauma. In my case, I've been working on recovery virtually my entire adult life. And though I haven't regained full capacity of what I would and could have been, I am certain I would be dead by now if I hadn't worked as hard as I have at it.

what does it mean to 'process' the trauma. I understand one aspect is telling someone in detail, what happened. Beyond that, what?

It's much like what is referred to as "processing" grief. It is a fairly predictable, but individual and variable course of "stages" we go through in order to mentally and emotionally overcome the negative consequences we have experienced from a trauma...much like physical therapy for someone with a physical injury that won't heal on its own.

thank you Star, for a very clear and concise answer. Do you have any info on what the stages for this kind of processing would be? I know I recognize the feeling of grief involved, but I think there must be more. I am reading a terribly long article on it just now, but multiple sources of info are very welcome.

Here is some basic info on the grief process:

Bear in mind, this is only theory, and not every one will experience it as it is written. Not everyone will even go through all the phases, necessarily. It's just a guideline.

These stages were first attributed to Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, a renown psychiatrist who wrote a ground-breaking book called "On Death and Dying."

The 5 stages are:

1)Denial and Disbelief (Shock)
2)Grief and Sadness (Awareness)
3)Anger ( Pain)
4)Bargaining ( Confusion, Processing the idea)
5)Acceptance (Realization)

For therapy, the stages could be construed a bit differently:

1) Denial ~~ (denial; unaware of something being wrong. we may or may not experience this.) It is good to note here, that a lack of useful information can contribute to and reinforce this phase.

2) Sadness ~~ (awarenes; not just feeling, or thinking, we are "different" from others, but actually realizing it) An interesting thing to note here, is that other people's denial or ignorance can contribute to getting to this phase, by assuring that you are just "feeling" like you're different etc.

3) Anger ~~ (can be accompanied with or hidden by pain, fear, shame, etc.)

4) Bargaining ~~ (assimilating what you've become aware of and adjusting to the new true information which can cause temporary confusion, disorientation, etc.)

5) Acceptance ~~ (integration)

In theory, typically anyone suffering from grief must work through this process to regain emotional equallibrium and regain the ability to function normally through life.
However, the stages are not necessarily experienced in order, and depending on the intensity of grief experienced, the person may have to work through the steps several times before finally adjusting completely.

This does not mean never remembering the person/object (in the case of therapy, the trauma and/or abuse) again, but it means that remembering does not interfere with or inhibit everyday functioning. This process may take a year or longer, depending on: the person's mental stability to begin with, the overall effect of their loss on their day to day life, and the amount of support given by friends and family, among other things.


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The rest of this is written soley for the grief process, but some of it you might find also pertains to therapy and recovery

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Any kind of loss, particularly the death of a close loved one, can provoke the need for working through the process of mourning. However, it can also include the loss of good health, the loss of a limb or body part (including abortion), even social status or the loss of financial security, (including a job.)





The acute stage, the immediate experience, is denial. Denial is a necessary and useful coping mechanism for the immediate situation, just like your body goes into shock with a serious physical injury. The problem is when someone gets stuck in denial and cannot cope with the idea the person/thing is gone at some point. Your mind can play tricks on you at this time. You are not psychotic or losing it, your mind just hasn't adjusted to the idea of your loss yet. You can think you hear the person talking to you, or you hear them drive up, or you dream about them like you usually do. I felt the warmness of my cat on my bed where he used to sleep next to me. Other experiences may include, but aren't limited to, physical feelings related to stress, such as tightness and/or pain in the chest, shortness of breath, sighing, "mental pain," food may be tasteless. You also may feel sympathetic pain similar to whatever the pain the lost loved one had.

Awareness should happen within a relatively short period of time. But as denial fades, the pain starts. Along with awareness come anger and guilt. Family, friends, and even medical staff are often blamed in this stage. Sometimes rightly so. Crying is expected. The inability to cry may cause the person to have difficulty moving through the process. See my comment on the "crying therapy" topic in this community. To end the acute stage, the physical tasks at hand - notifying family, submitting a newspaper obituary, funeral plans, etc. are accomplished.

In the long-term stage, which can take 1-2 years or longer, the overall emotional work begins. This is where many people who are not familiar with grief get caught off guard - both those experiencing grief, and those trying to help the grieving. That is because, all through the acute stage, there is still some denial and distraction getting the person through. A few weeks or months after the loss, reality begins to set in at a deeper level. That person is REALLY not there - and they are not coming back. They do not call, you find some clothing with their smell on it and don't wash it, you keep everything you find that was theirs, and if you were financially connected, the paycheck does not come. You see unbearable reminders of places they liked to go, and people you knew in common, and you may withdraw and stay home. This is when it begins to feel like you are not going to make it through and you cannot go on without the person/thing that was lost. This is when, especially if you were stressed and/or struggling emotionally to begin with, you are most likely to need some medical help for depression and/or anxiety. But as you adapt, put away the person's things, hang pictures on the wall, and time goes by, things should, little by little, feel better. Not the same, but not as painful and overwhelming.

Some experiences during this phase might be: preoccupation and talking about many memories of the deceased, with great sadness. Idealizing (good memories)helps resolve guilt.
(if you are helping someone grieve, listen to their sad memories, acknowledge them, and then help them remember some good ones too, when they are ready.)
Displaced anger is common - again, if you are helping someone else to grieve, don't expect them to be in a good mood. Trying to "cheer them up" may just make them mad at you. Meet with them where they are at, and even if just a little, gently help them move foreward.

Anger can have many faces, and is most intense during the first month. But its intensity can resurface especially throughout the first year. Depending on life's demands, working through this part can take much longer than a year. The one-year mark, though, is a good indicator of whether or not someone is stuck or in serious trouble. By then, there should be some degree of acceptance, closure, and adaptation. If not, assess the complexity of the situation, and if there is not some significant reason for hinderance, which can be any number of things,
you might consider therapy and/or medication.

Give yourself time. In our less-rushed culture not so far past, people were expected to take a year off work to mourn the loss of a close family member. That was just to allow them to be able to function again. The grief process is no picnic, but when worked through successfully, you will come through it a stronger, more compassionate person.

Life is indeed not fair. Loss is inevitable, and sometimes comes from out of nowhere, completely unexpected. The key to surviving it is being able to adapt and carry on in some way at some point in time. Some losses are so devastating, the previous lifestyle cannot be regained. And that in itself is another thing to grieve, adapt to, and move on with.

OOPssss.....

#2 for therapy should read....

2) Sadness ~~ (awarenes; not just feeling, or thinking, we are "different" from others, but actually realizing it) An interesting thing to note here, is that other people's denial or ignorance can contribute to (DIFFICULTY IN ) getting to this phase, by assuring that you are just "feeling" like you're different etc.


Sorry!

copying and pasting to my permanent file for reading with more concentration. Thanks.

You're welcome....just the first few paragraphs I've edited a little bit to translate into therapy (there are asterisks a few lines down, that seperate what is unedited, and just the rest of the info about grief I have)

You are very welcome Loddy.Very informative Starfish thank you for sharing.

You are absolutely right. My first real flash back came to my mind when my daughter turned the age when I was first abused.at 4. Then after my husband died in a motocycle accident my brain stopped remembering because my 4 year old ans 7 year old needed me. As soon as my daughter left for college I was swomped by memory after memory. My son was still home at that time.I feel bad because he would hold me in his arms while my childalters were crying in terror. Then when he was deployed to Iraq. I was hospitalized and had a lot of work to do. I'm still processing stuff. God allowed this time now to be for me to be alone so that I could process my traumatic events of my life.
So, Wheezie you are absolutely correct with your theory!