I'm angry and I've had all I can take of people screwing me.

When I wake up at 2 AM like this I need to get out of bed. In the hospital they will not let me get out of bed. I do feel helpless like when I was 4 years old and in the hospital for 6 months and could not get out of bed that whole time. That's not why I need to kill myself, but it just adds to the anger. I don't know what to do, I can't sleep.

Don't have any words of wisdom on this. Just letting you know we do know the unbearable frustration of this and the anger it causes in not being able to do what we want to do when we want to do it.

TyCo.

I understand loum... Sorry the hospital bed feels like a prison... I learned to start smoking in hospital just so I could get outside in the patio to smoke.
Funny how hospital got me started smoking again

I stopped smoking 9 years ago. There is no smoking anywhere on this hospital's grounds or buildings. I just came back to my room after a nuclear stress test. Also, the doctor told me I have advanced kidney disease now.

hi, loum. I'm glad you have access to the net. :)

Why do you think you need to die, even though you don't want to? Everybody's reasons are a bit different. I have thought I should die but maybe my reasons are different.

As far as needing to die, that is a part that is protecting me from feeling helpless. That part started when I was very young and helpless. The more rational part is in control now and I have some more resources that the social worker here at the hospital told me about.

I may have done some serious damage this time. I'm still waiting for the results of the tests and I still have more tests.

I hope you're OK

And glad you're not smoking like me, I guess it's my cowardly suicide

I'm glad you have a good social worker that is helping you, and that your more rational part has come to the fore.

I used to smoke, up to 2 packs a day. it actually is self-destructive. I hope you stop.

Lou, I so totally get you with the protection from pain via dieing. Sorry you are hurting so much. Hoping you find other solutions besides killing yourself.

I'm doing good today, but that suicidal part is just below the surface.

can u talk to ure angry part, i have one of them too who wants to kill himself but not coz he wants to die but he thinks that wld help him from all the pain.and that wld b good for me as well..
i wld suggest u talk to ure T if u have one or ure psych is u are seeing one...
also journal each time u have that trigger
identify ure triggers, is this part just coming out?

I see my therapist Monday, if out of the hospital. The trigger for the suicidal part is feeling helpless. As a child I attempted suicide a number of times and I was helpless. That makes it hard to keep that suicidal part from taking control. That part was present almost every day of my life just a feeling a way from taking control. Now it's not there every day, so that is the good news.

By helpless do you mean helpless to do anything about the horrible situation? and no way out either except through death? I have felt like that.

i have a part that gets suicidal and especially when sick or feeling alone or abandoned,,,,, hopefully you have adequate support,, many times hospitals and other medical procedures flash us back to a bad scary time,,,, i have not met many with DID or other issues of trauma who dont struggle , when I was in treatment I was given a sheet of paper with 100 reasons not to kill yourself wish I could post it here hugs bmw