Multiple Personalities Support Group
Dissociative identity disorder is a diagnosis described as the existence in an individual of two or more distinct identities or personalities, each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment. At least two of these personalities are considered to routinely take control of the individual's behavior, and there is also some associated memory loss,...
I have a really crazy friend whom I do love to death lol, he has DID AND... he thinks I have DID. He has known me for about a year and he says he has seen my alters and spoken to them both in real life and on the phone. I guess I was sort of abused in my childhood, not real sure who to blame as I blame myself for a lot of it, I was naughty, bad, frigid etc, looking for attention and got what I asked for, or atleast thats how I see it. I don't remember a lot of my childhood anyway and that's probably a good thing, lol. I do hear voices, more than one, but I think everyone does and its normal. I lose keys and my mobile phone several times some days and they end up in weird placed that I wouldn't have put them, but that's probably stress. Apparently I have done things to people that I just don't remember doing, like slapping those who have pissed me off or sending horrible or seductive texts to people. Thing is that when I check my phone there is nothing there. I do trust my friend that he isn't lying, but then I have my ex husband who is convinced that I am making all of this up and maybe he is right. He is an alcoholic which is why the marriage ended, he doesn't believe in DID at all. Maybe I did make all of this up, I don't remember what I have done but maybe thats a conscious thing that I've forgotten. I've taken two OD's and ended up in hopsital and I don't remember doing them. On one of those times I 'came to' being strapped down to the hopsital bed by about 6 staff and I had no idea why, I'm a placid person. I'm to old to not know, I would know right?? if I had DID?? Me ex has always told me that I have shocking mood swings and change in seconds, but thats normal right???? I've seen psych's, don't like them much and never stick with them, just have nothing to say to them, have been diagnosed with PTSD and depersonalisation and derealisation, but I think I made all those up too, just to get attention, I'm truly a horrible person arent I. If I went to a therapist about this DID stuff, they would know that I made it up and think I'm crazy. So I can't win, I don't want DID but I don't want to be unstable enough to have made it up either. I'm a mother and I have a normal life, I cope quite well with my life and the things I've experienced, I think it is pretty good that I came through the things I have without any real 'issues', dont' anyone take that the wrong way.
You also sound like you are in A LOT of denial.
But you also sound like you are starting to open your eyes.
Otherwise, you probably wouldn't even have posted here.
But that's OK. We've been talking about trying to make this into a dissociative disorder group, not just DID.
Whether you are DID or not, doesn't really matter. You are on a journey of finding out, and that is traumatic enough.
You are welcome here.
Sometimes others see you better than you can see yourself. Besides, what do you have to gain if you claim to have DID? Most people with PTSD have some level of dissociation, but I think it is safe to say, with the symptoms you are having that you have more dissociation than the average PTSD person does. Also with the things you have said, I think you have anything BUT a normal life. And NO child deserves to be abused, no matter how much they 'ask' for it. There is no such thing as a child 'asking' for abuse! Would you ever abuse one of your children? And as for coping 'quite well...with the things you have experienced', you are having blackouts, doing things that you don't remember doing and having severe mood swings as well as offending people around you. I don't think you came though it quite as well as you think.
Maybe you should take the time to listen to those inner voices and see what they have to say, you just may learn a lot about yourself.
Please let us know how things are going, ok? I hope I haven't been too blunt with you, but once again, sometimes others see you better than you see yourself.
Purrs--Laura
Purrs to you for being honest with yourself--Laura
i too am a mother with a full time job...i am an over-achiever in both athletics and academics, i ahve a very normal upper middle class life. anyone from the outside would say that things look great. what they dont' see is the loneliness and detachment inside and the numbness, nor do they hear the constant arguments in my head...they don't know about the PTSD (i can't even argue with that) or the dysfunctional background with my adoptive family, or the sexual abuse (even the parts that i do remember outside of the memory blanks that i am aware of)...
i say all of this not to tell you that you have DID, but to say that functioning well in some areas of life is sometimes possible BECAUSE of DID because it separates trauma and allows the rest of you to go on as though the bad stuff didn't happen, and yes you can be however old and n ot know, because that is the point of dissociation (to hide it from you), to let you go on as though it didn't happen, to protect you from knowing what your mind could not handle.
the thing that made me write to you is that i have s pent the last 4 years going in circles around the feeling that i must be a horrible person who does things just to get attention (something my mother told me often, and that i "can't win" either because either i have this horrible thing, or i'm perverse enough to have made up that i have it--either way it's bad. i hear you saying that we have similar pasts, with similar responses, similar arguments in our heads, and similar patterns of denial--it's possible that their's something to what your friend has said, and the advice that one of the other posts gave about being open and interested in what these inside voices would have to say is excellent. enlisting the help of a solid therapist is a good place to start. remember that being DID doesn't change anything for you (it's just a label for the same you that you've always been), it would just allow for someone to have a direction to go toward bring some wholeness and peace to the chaos.
i hope that helps.
blessings to you,
em