Multiple Personalities Support Group
Dissociative identity disorder is a diagnosis described as the existence in an individual of two or more distinct identities or personalities, each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment. At least two of these personalities are considered to routinely take control of the individual's behavior, and there is also some associated memory loss,...
hi Jen
and hi Jennifer (though i hope you dont mind if i mostly address Jen in this post?)
I realise its been 2 weeks since you posted this, and things may well have sorted themselves out by now. At the time you posted i thought about responding but wasnt sure that i should. Not being multiple myself made me worried that anything i did post might at best be irrelevant, at worst inappropriate or somehow triggering. But having reread your two posts on this ive decided to respond with a non Multiples point of view if thats OK? Ive decided ot post it as a separate thread so that i dont hijack yours, I apologise in advance if i upset or offend anyone .....
wow Jen, it sounds like your Jennifer caused you a fair bit of stress in those few days she was out. I hope things have settled down for all of you, and your shoulder is giving you less pain? I suspect youre right though, your talking about getting rid of her could well have been the trigger for it happening. In a way its understandable i guess? From what ive read and from chatting with Multiple friends it seems that total integration is no longer considered the only option of choice , nor necessarily always the first best option. And some Alters resist even the thought of having it inflicted on them without it being a joint decision? Without it being something welcomed by both Core and Alter personalities?
I think your husband mark sounds really sensible, and his idea of finding ways to have a good relationship with Jennifer seems to me to have a lot of merit. I tend to believe that Alters come into being because in that moment they bring to the group something important for the survival of all of you. I dont know if this is true or not, but its what ive come to believe. I came to this conclusion after thinking about Sex Alters and Angry Alters. Both at times seem to bring mayhem to a Multiples life, and both have gotten an awful lot of bad press because of it here in this forum over the years. Understandably so perhaps, but i began to wonder why it happened and if they really deserved to carry so much blame at times?
I know that even in a so called normal family, for a child to express anger isnt always without repercussions. It must be horrendously more dangerous for a child in a badly abusive situation to express anger. I wonder if this is why so many Multiples have Angry Alters? Do you need someone to hold those angers close, stop them leaking out, so that severe punishment doesnt follow if those angers are expressed? Is this part of what you did for everyone, Jennifer? Did you keep their angers safe for them? If so, this responsibility youve accepted seems a harsh burden for you to carry . Its not easy living with angers that seem to come out of no-where, blighting friendships and family relationships. And often experiencing remorse afterwards, but not always being able to express it. I know this myself. I had another thought about the value of anger. In times of ongoing abuse i suspect the Flight / Fight / Freeze response can often get stuck in Freeze. Something that can continue to happen with people suffering PTSD long after the abuse stops? With all the unhappy consequences that might carry. Anger is a very powerful mechanism for combating the Freeze response, allowing for Fight or Flight. So in a very real sense, could Angry Alters also be Protector Alters? But Protectors whose behaviours and no longer as appropriate as they once were? And a last thing, something a Protector once told me about his Angry Alter. He said that the angry one was perhaps the only one whose will the abuser didnt break at some time or other. Could this be another function of Angry Alters, to keep safe your independent identity, safe to be retrieved when the abuser is gone from your lives?
but all these are just thoughts, not being Multiple i have no way of knowing if they are accurate or relevant. Two suggestions id like to offer, if you have decided to follow Marks impulse to work with Jennifer? Driving lessons is one. But more importantly, and before that impulse management, safe venting and other strategies to help Jennifer process and manage the angers she carries? Youve most likely thought of thses already. I hope you all can come up with mutually acceptable strategies to make things good between you. I have a soft spot for Angry Alters, and Jennifer - i think youre well worth it.
and hi Jennifer (though i hope you dont mind if i mostly address Jen in this post?)
I realise its been 2 weeks since you posted this, and things may well have sorted themselves out by now. At the time you posted i thought about responding but wasnt sure that i should. Not being multiple myself made me worried that anything i did post might at best be irrelevant, at worst inappropriate or somehow triggering. But having reread your two posts on this ive decided to respond with a non Multiples point of view if thats OK? Ive decided ot post it as a separate thread so that i dont hijack yours, I apologise in advance if i upset or offend anyone .....
wow Jen, it sounds like your Jennifer caused you a fair bit of stress in those few days she was out. I hope things have settled down for all of you, and your shoulder is giving you less pain? I suspect youre right though, your talking about getting rid of her could well have been the trigger for it happening. In a way its understandable i guess? From what ive read and from chatting with Multiple friends it seems that total integration is no longer considered the only option of choice , nor necessarily always the first best option. And some Alters resist even the thought of having it inflicted on them without it being a joint decision? Without it being something welcomed by both Core and Alter personalities?
I think your husband mark sounds really sensible, and his idea of finding ways to have a good relationship with Jennifer seems to me to have a lot of merit. I tend to believe that Alters come into being because in that moment they bring to the group something important for the survival of all of you. I dont know if this is true or not, but its what ive come to believe. I came to this conclusion after thinking about Sex Alters and Angry Alters. Both at times seem to bring mayhem to a Multiples life, and both have gotten an awful lot of bad press because of it here in this forum over the years. Understandably so perhaps, but i began to wonder why it happened and if they really deserved to carry so much blame at times?
I know that even in a so called normal family, for a child to express anger isnt always without repercussions. It must be horrendously more dangerous for a child in a badly abusive situation to express anger. I wonder if this is why so many Multiples have Angry Alters? Do you need someone to hold those angers close, stop them leaking out, so that severe punishment doesnt follow if those angers are expressed? Is this part of what you did for everyone, Jennifer? Did you keep their angers safe for them? If so, this responsibility youve accepted seems a harsh burden for you to carry . Its not easy living with angers that seem to come out of no-where, blighting friendships and family relationships. And often experiencing remorse afterwards, but not always being able to express it. I know this myself. I had another thought about the value of anger. In times of ongoing abuse i suspect the Flight / Fight / Freeze response can often get stuck in Freeze. Something that can continue to happen with people suffering PTSD long after the abuse stops? With all the unhappy consequences that might carry. Anger is a very powerful mechanism for combating the Freeze response, allowing for Fight or Flight. So in a very real sense, could Angry Alters also be Protector Alters? But Protectors whose behaviours and no longer as appropriate as they once were? And a last thing, something a Protector once told me about his Angry Alter. He said that the angry one was perhaps the only one whose will the abuser didnt break at some time or other. Could this be another function of Angry Alters, to keep safe your independent identity, safe to be retrieved when the abuser is gone from your lives?
but all these are just thoughts, not being Multiple i have no way of knowing if they are accurate or relevant. Two suggestions id like to offer, if you have decided to follow Marks impulse to work with Jennifer? Driving lessons is one. But more importantly, and before that impulse management, safe venting and other strategies to help Jennifer process and manage the angers she carries? Youve most likely thought of thses already. I hope you all can come up with mutually acceptable strategies to make things good between you. I have a soft spot for Angry Alters, and Jennifer - i think youre well worth it.
wow, it seems i got a fair bit wrong. I had the impression you and Jennifer were mostly in conflict, but it seems that your relationship is far more co-operative than simple conflict. I'm glad i got it so wrong. And my apologies for confusing mark as your husband - i tend to make poor information connections at times. Quite often actually.
:/
and Hi Jennifer
it seems i very much misunderstood your relationship with Jenny, but i didn't underestimate your value in her life.. I'm really glad she has you with her.
:)
kevin