...Dangit...oops...

Now I forget how it started, but she started telling my wife all this stuff. She came out and talked to my wife.
Which was...surreal. But my wife handled it beautifully.

My wife told her that what daddy did was bad. This upset her very badly, as much as she's able to get upset-she's kinda...emotionless?

She says (now, in my head, as I write) "No, daddy is good, we're bad. How can daddy be bad? daddy is good, i love my daddy, I miss my daddy..."
She was so hurt and confused, as if the sky had fallen in on her.

Then I found out she could not cry.
Daddy didn't like it when we cried.
Right now she seems...zombiefied. Numb.
Poor lost little kid...

She calls herself "Pottymouth," because..."Daddy goes potty in my mouth, he likes it when he goes potty in my mouth, shh, it's a big secret..."

He did this to us.
This is so strange and sad, I feel like I have war refugees camping in my cerebrum or something.

It's so great that she feels safe to talk. She trusts your wife. This is so good. We all have these horrified little wounded ones. It's just good to listen and try to understand her reference to the world as completely as you can. She really wants to share and talk and be understood. Sometimes when I've listened to my little ones I've felt like I was caught in the middle of Shindler's List. I know that must sound over dramatic. But out little ones are so violated and confused. It hurts to hear their pain. I've just stopped listening to a couple of the most hurt of mine. But I'm glad you listen to her.

Potymouf u lisin too me!!! Lisin! Daddy iz a bad man. He ly too u! He bad man he no good too u n u need too lisin n no dat daddy ly too u. He bad for watt he did n u no itt I no u do. Dnt miss daddy!! Daddy bad man! -Ruthi

It is so hard to get the littles to learn some new concept about the life that they have lived. My littles will "yes" us to death, and go right back to the old thinking. It's hard.

Yeah Steph, my little ones will say anything they think I want to here. It's like they aren't even listening to me. They're just waiting to figure out what I want to hear. They want me to hear their story and feelings, but they don't even comprehend changing.

Stephanie and GS that is one of the things that makes a person with MPD/DID vulnerable to abusers.Abusers will switch you to child alter and manipulate them then these abusers will blame you or your alters for their actions to silence you.If you have ever woken up after a sexual experience not remembering or being confused about what happened and having someone there say oh but you wanted this or you consented you have been assaulted and manipulated into believing it was your fault by an abuser when it was not. Abusers know how to manipulate a person with MPD because they are taught it from birth from the ones who abused them. Getting these alters to learn and understand the dynamics of abuse and how abusers manipulate them is essential and vital to keeping yourself safe. A lot of the times that involves teaching them how these things work but also sometimes in them remembering how abusers manipulated them that teaches them as well.

hylierandom,
i think you are brave for sharing and it helped me a lot. You aren't alone..

Wheezie, what you say makes a lot of sense. I was vulnerable to many future situations. I always blamed myself. I also confused sex with love when I was younger. And I used it to get things.