Multiple Personalities Support Group
Dissociative identity disorder is a diagnosis described as the existence in an individual of two or more distinct identities or personalities, each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment. At least two of these personalities are considered to routinely take control of the individual's behavior, and there is also some associated memory loss,...
Hello,
I read a post where the writer refers to themselves as a non-multiple. I’m 47 years old and for most of my life my siblings and I have had a painful relationship with our mother. We have been verbally abused, lied on, emotionally abused, physically abused as teens, and rejected by a person who has never taken accountability for their own actions but sees themselves as the victim of everyone else. Estrangement come after conflict only to have our mother come around after periods of time as if all were fine. There is a history of drug abuse, but we currently don’t see signs of anything beyond marijuana and alcohol presently. For the most part we have maintained our distance. But, over the past six months she has reached out and seems dramatically different. Calm, reasonable, pleasant. . .safe. However, I began to notice contradictions. I hear the narcissistic tone. I pay closer attention to the references to herself in the third person that never made sense. Eventually, it dawns on me that my mother has dissociative identity disorder. Once I realize this, I fully see it! My siblings and I have always seen it, we just didn’t recognize it- if that makes sense. We had already used variations of her name to describe her ever changing personas.
My siblings remain at distance. But, I have enjoyed interractions with a mother who I stopped realizing she truly existed.
Miraculously, my mother agreed to go therapy with me- something that she would have never ever agreed to in the past. However, the toxic person shows up. (This is just the best way I know to explain that history) The therapist sees it, but says she does not have much experience with DID. She does feel comfortable with working with us in relationships therapy.
But, how do I do this with unpredictable participants? All I know to do is to appeal to my mother and call out the inconsistencies.
Prior to our session, ‘they’ overheard me talking to my brother about multiple personalities. ‘Mommy’ was calm and forgiving and chalked it up to kids being kids, which for me was refreshing and comforting. But ‘Charlotte’ told the therapist we were bitter, disrespectful and humiliating ‘as always’. I didn’t argue with Charlotte because I didn’t want things to escalate to where I have to deal with “Charlie.” As Charlie puts it, “you don’t want to deal with Charlie.”
I know my mother was traumatized as a child. Until now, I never understood how and why she could perpetuate so much of the very pain that she suffered from.
I now understand that Charlotte is who I have seen most, there to protect my mother. Charlotte acts bitterly, abusively and behaves like a narcissist and she would be fine without any of us. She believes her own distorted reality and sees enemies and abusers in the people who do love them.
My ‘Mommy’ clearly expresses that she wants to have a relationship with me. I actually enjoy her. But, the dynamics change so fast sometimes that feel lost. I have faith that I have ‘caught on’ for good reason. While I feel traumatized, myself, by Charlotte, I want to be a safe place for them.
Sorry this was so long. Any advice or encouragement is appreciated.
welcome to the group
I suspect I was the person who described themselves as a Non Multiple. I originally came to this group trying to make sense of a close friendship that had imploded / exploded. The only thing that made sense about my friend was that she was actually a group of friends. So I came here. Over the years I've had some good friendships with Multiples, both online and in my real life. I've made lots of mistakes, the most common being responding to different Alters as if they were the same person. The second most common mistake has been judging the behaviours of Aklters when it impacts adversely on other of their Alters.
the only suggestion I can make, other than to avoid those 2 mistakes is something that I don't know for sure but have come to believe - if your Mum is Multiple then each and every one of her Alters is there because at some stage they were critical for her survival. They came to be because they had some characteristic that helped her function or they were there to suffer the traumas that the core personality might not be able to survive. As such, they all deserve acknowledgement and validation. And respect. As hard as it is, those behaviours you find upsetting or see as self destructive - they are most likely rational when seen in context, and probably necessary at the time. It's not always easy but it is important to be able to like and want that person in your life while not liking or wanting their behaviours. If your Mum is Multiple then I hope you're able to have a good relationbship with many of her Alters - you both deserve it
Thanks for the reply! Now that I see what has been behind the dysfunctional relations of the past I get it and have very little judgement now. I do understand the beauty and functions of DIs, and I do hope to build trust between myself and my mother's alters. I clearly see, now more than ever, that there are distinct differences, though I am still navigating it all. Since she overheard me pondering multiplicity, I was later able to ask her about it. One person showed resentment towards my thinking her crazy. But, in the same conversation, another person described being blessed with a miraculous ability to shift in and out of having known physical limitations as if she was three different people. However, when asked about third person or plural references to herself, she said it was simply expression and humor. Her system is still presenting themselves as a singleton.
I desperately want them to know that I know and that I want them all to feel safe with me and that I now understand and respect things that I never could have without realizing their multiplicity. I want them to know that I want to be a support for them and I want Charlotte to know that we are not enemies. Though, I also do legitimately fear an unpredictable, violent and abusive alter. I fear that I can't break through Charlotte's bitterness and resentment, especially since I now realize that she most likely has not been lying on people and denying her own perpetrations, the way it always seemed. Her reality might be that she has been the unwitting recipient of people's retaliations to another alter. I want to discuss these realizations with them, but I don't even know what is safe to bring up with whom.
I came here for advice and understanding, but also because this is very lonely. Our family dysfunctions keep me from sharing this with my uncles and aunts. My siblings feel safer, right now, with indifference.- which I understand, we have suffered tremendously.
But my heart aches because, obviously, so has my mom.
Also, it’s been a few months. How are things going with you and your mum now?
I have DID, found out in January, and have gradually gotten used to the idea and become more aware of my parts. I’ve realized they’ve been there cohosting with me all along and I didn’t know it. It’s a challenging thing to grapple with!