Multiple Personalities Support Group
Dissociative identity disorder is a diagnosis described as the existence in an individual of two or more distinct identities or personalities, each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment. At least two of these personalities are considered to routinely take control of the individual's behavior, and there is also some associated memory loss,...
I am going and try to make myself clear.I need to know if you perceive some of your alters "in flesh" as it were outside yourself, functioning independently.
I am aware of voices inside me, of switching from one part to another inside myself but I have had other disturbing manifestations.
After midnight, I seem to split badly from now on, I see that 12 year old from the sixties coming closer and closer to my bed.First hidden in the corridor, then on my door step,Two nights ago, it was totally surrealistic as I found her bent on top of me, looking at me listening to my walkman in bed (I need it all the time for protection at the moment).She looked puzzled because she did not know what that machine was.
_________________triggers_______________
A while ago, as i was meditating in the shrine room, suddenly a3 year old me appeared sitting next to my cushion,pointing at how it burnt between her legs.She did not seem to know how to speak.I recognized her little pull over from a photo of me.
more surprisingly, then appeared my husband's 3 year old, in his little page costume he first wore , with blood on his arm and hand ( he had a very bad "accident "at that age)
Then my brothers, then my mother but her she was in her fifties child and even my father's 3 years old,my father being one of my major abusers.
i felt they were all looking to be healed, like hurt beings suspended in a time wasp.
it makes me think about time's relativity,if memories can be locked in time like this.
I am aware of voices inside me, of switching from one part to another inside myself but I have had other disturbing manifestations.
After midnight, I seem to split badly from now on, I see that 12 year old from the sixties coming closer and closer to my bed.First hidden in the corridor, then on my door step,Two nights ago, it was totally surrealistic as I found her bent on top of me, looking at me listening to my walkman in bed (I need it all the time for protection at the moment).She looked puzzled because she did not know what that machine was.
_________________triggers_______________
A while ago, as i was meditating in the shrine room, suddenly a3 year old me appeared sitting next to my cushion,pointing at how it burnt between her legs.She did not seem to know how to speak.I recognized her little pull over from a photo of me.
more surprisingly, then appeared my husband's 3 year old, in his little page costume he first wore , with blood on his arm and hand ( he had a very bad "accident "at that age)
Then my brothers, then my mother but her she was in her fifties child and even my father's 3 years old,my father being one of my major abusers.
i felt they were all looking to be healed, like hurt beings suspended in a time wasp.
it makes me think about time's relativity,if memories can be locked in time like this.
I do find it very interesting, though.
The only time I've ever experienced an alter, aside from the switching, was once in a dream. It was a very startling dream but it was very clear and quick. Just a face and a name.
This voice shouts nasty things at him-he hears this in public; to annoying and embarrassing results.
So I told him to ask this voice why it was shouting at him, just as a random idea I had...
AAAnd out pops a persecutory alter...that had just been manifesting as an auditory hallucination.
...I didn't even figure this out until I asked to talk to my friend again and was told "He's not here, I'm here, and I'm going to have a look around." (EEEK!)
They are assuredly a projection from inside your brain, but they are there for a psychological reason...
So...what can you do with a 3-year-old?
Love them, I suspect.
The way to heal them is to love them.
I suspect I could love even my evil-a$$ dad as a 3-year old, even though the thought of doing so...
...It's making me cry...
Gods, I never thought of this...
He was once an innocent little kid too, in the arms of the people he loved who beat him mercilessly.
He was a brilliant child with a lot of potential that got beaten and raped right out of him until he was a twisted, unhappy monster, unwilling to keep from passing the monstrous things done to him forward.
...How sad. How incredibly sad.
You may want to investigate the work of the late Robert Monroe, founder of the Monroe Institute in VA. He talks about the things you are describing.
xx
SuzA
I had spoken to my psychiatrist about it in the morning;he was not surprised at all.He had a scientific phrase for those alters projected outside.I do not remember the term.I will have to find out .This guy is one of the experts in trauma and victimology in France .he said this is why sometimes, people with DID could be wrongly taken for schizophrenic, but he was adamant I was not and not to worry.It would pass.Due to considerable trauma, he said.
The strange thing is spending many years in spiritual retreat with my different teachers, I had all kinds of experiences like altered states of experiences , travels in the Bardos, past lives etc... , but I could always accept them as part of the process because my spiritual teachers would insist not to be carried away by them, consider them as projections of the mind like rainbows and mirages, just carry on with the meditation.Not to be scared or elated.Which I constantly try to do. .
When new memories of abuse emerged, I both panicked and prayed for the truth to manifest.I wanted to know what had happened to me in that family.
In my tradition, we have a prayer before practice which says"I bessech, you, grant me the blessing which dispells the darkness of ignorance."
I started applying that to recovering from my dissociative amnesia.
But when the dam opened, I got really panicky.I understood this is also why we only get a glimpse of what "reality "is about;it would make us faint because of our scared emprisonned egos.If the walls suddenly fell and the great emptiness or call it God if you wish was to manifest, it would be too much light ironically .
So, last night after posting I was back to my bad tendency:"oh, nobody else has this on the board, I am really mentally ill, I am a freak bla bla.
Watched a funny movie, went to bed.Cooked breakfast.
Suddenly, the one I call by my name,Dominique 12 year old, was, as it were, back in my body and head to "dictate" a message to me.
That message made me cry.I think I should write it to you ,might inspire some, although I do not want to sound too "airy fairy"or "preaching" as it were.
Thanks for reading a long post.
The idea crossed my mind that visual or auditory hallucinations were a symptom of psychosis but I dismissed that idea for you almost immediately. I don't know you but from you posts you just sound too sane for that. I knew it would be something else, something connected to DID. Your insight into life, our lives, if very good to hear. I for one would love to hear what little Dominique has to say. I bet she sounds a lot like my Sylvia.
... I regressed myself and remembered dying of black lung in a bed in the early 1900's, my wife and children around me...
...All that and $2.50 will get me a cuppa coffee at my favorite hangout, so yeah, it ain't much of a thing, is it?