Multiple Personalities Support Group
Dissociative identity disorder is a diagnosis described as the existence in an individual of two or more distinct identities or personalities, each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment. At least two of these personalities are considered to routinely take control of the individual's behavior, and there is also some associated memory loss,...
I have been in this relationship for 2 years now and it's been one hell of a ride. First of all I want to add that he is a PROFESSIONAL liar and a Grammy award winning actor. The reasons I have figured out so much is because I am a very intuitive person. We tried therapy, but failed and it failed because therapist was believing his lies and they were actually talking about me like I was the problem. He has characteristics of a covert narcissist also and he is very cunning and manipulative.
I guess I am writing because I really love him, but he is "off the wall" with his behaviors and denials. I don't know how to help him. When I dug into his past he revealed that his father was VERY abusive to him. He was basically born into servitude to a narcissist father and no one believes him when he talks about how abusive his father was because a narcissist will always pretend to be "the best thing since sliced bread". Come to find out also he was sexually abused, but that's a touchy subject with him. The way he describes it, it was like all fun and games with the boys. I discovered bestality also. What really disturbed me was when I found out he was bi-sexual and did not disclose this to me when we got together. He was VERY promiscious before he met me and claims he is not anymore, and we are together 24/7 so I believe him.
I was wondering if there are any really good self help books for this disorder? He switches from angry and sarcastic to kind and attentive. He gets very defensive whenever I point out a lie ( i have to point it out otherwise how will he learn to not lie?) He says he wants help, but he will not take the first move to do anything, like reading online websites or whatever. I seem to always be the one bringing up the fact that he (we) need to work on his "issues". Sometimes we have good conversation but when he wakes the next morning he acts like he has no issues to work on and we should just move along. It is really frustrating because I can SEE his odd behaviors and he is in denial. I am sorry for babbling so much I just gave myself a headache. I just dont know what to do, how to do. He says that he can't take ME anymore and wants to move out Sept 1. I said "go ahead, I'm not the one with issues, you are and you are in denial and you think I am the problem". It hurts me what his father did to him and I also suspect incest in the family. He has made some really weird comments about family members.
I don't know what to do. One day he acknowledges he has issues, the next he acts like he has no issues and gets pissed off if I want to go and read some websites online that will help him. Just about an hour ago he was talking to me like he never has before. Real sarcastic and cutting. BLAMING me for our problems, when I have been nothing but kind and loving to him (something he has never had). Yes, sure I have BLOWN UP in his face a few times, because I am human, but I just can't take the denials and lies anymore. I know it triggers him, but the way he just blurts out the BLAME onto me is frustrating. MAybe I should just give up. I think maybe some people have been so damaged by childhood abuse that there might be never any hope. He does pretend well that he cares, but then the next day, in his mind, I am the ONE AT FAULT because he wants me to stop pointing out his disgusting immoral selfish behaviors.
I hope I did not offend anyone on here. I just don't know what to do. I can't trust him for a second because he has lied to me so much and that's just not healthy for me. I have a chronic illness and this is just making me worse. I am sure he will wake tomorrow and act like WHO KNOWS WHAT!!!
I guess I am writing because I really love him, but he is "off the wall" with his behaviors and denials. I don't know how to help him. When I dug into his past he revealed that his father was VERY abusive to him. He was basically born into servitude to a narcissist father and no one believes him when he talks about how abusive his father was because a narcissist will always pretend to be "the best thing since sliced bread". Come to find out also he was sexually abused, but that's a touchy subject with him. The way he describes it, it was like all fun and games with the boys. I discovered bestality also. What really disturbed me was when I found out he was bi-sexual and did not disclose this to me when we got together. He was VERY promiscious before he met me and claims he is not anymore, and we are together 24/7 so I believe him.
I was wondering if there are any really good self help books for this disorder? He switches from angry and sarcastic to kind and attentive. He gets very defensive whenever I point out a lie ( i have to point it out otherwise how will he learn to not lie?) He says he wants help, but he will not take the first move to do anything, like reading online websites or whatever. I seem to always be the one bringing up the fact that he (we) need to work on his "issues". Sometimes we have good conversation but when he wakes the next morning he acts like he has no issues to work on and we should just move along. It is really frustrating because I can SEE his odd behaviors and he is in denial. I am sorry for babbling so much I just gave myself a headache. I just dont know what to do, how to do. He says that he can't take ME anymore and wants to move out Sept 1. I said "go ahead, I'm not the one with issues, you are and you are in denial and you think I am the problem". It hurts me what his father did to him and I also suspect incest in the family. He has made some really weird comments about family members.
I don't know what to do. One day he acknowledges he has issues, the next he acts like he has no issues and gets pissed off if I want to go and read some websites online that will help him. Just about an hour ago he was talking to me like he never has before. Real sarcastic and cutting. BLAMING me for our problems, when I have been nothing but kind and loving to him (something he has never had). Yes, sure I have BLOWN UP in his face a few times, because I am human, but I just can't take the denials and lies anymore. I know it triggers him, but the way he just blurts out the BLAME onto me is frustrating. MAybe I should just give up. I think maybe some people have been so damaged by childhood abuse that there might be never any hope. He does pretend well that he cares, but then the next day, in his mind, I am the ONE AT FAULT because he wants me to stop pointing out his disgusting immoral selfish behaviors.
I hope I did not offend anyone on here. I just don't know what to do. I can't trust him for a second because he has lied to me so much and that's just not healthy for me. I have a chronic illness and this is just making me worse. I am sure he will wake tomorrow and act like WHO KNOWS WHAT!!!
If you cannot trust him anymore, the thing's already thoroughly broke.
Let it go.
Own and work on what you did wrong, work on that, because we all are imperfect.
Learn not to make those mistakes in the next relationship.
Negative reinforcement, constantly telling someone what they are doing wrong... It does not help anything, because it makes the person feel under siege.
You constantly trying to fix him...he has to fix himself, and he ain't, so you're just treating him like a child or a fix-it-up project: in short, disrespectfully.
Disrespect is the battery acid of marriage-been there and got that corrosion, I was the one with THE PROBLEM and my ex could not own the fact that she was constantly making me feel stupid and defective.
I ogle, it's gotten better, but it's not entirely voluntary. Not kids, but..yeah. Artifact of being chronically sexually abused as a child, which is generally what causes DID.
It's not fair that he blames you, no.
You can't stand him the way he is. You can't fix him. You can't trust him. It's deader than a beached shark.
You said you do not know what to do. Since you can't move out YET, and since you can't trust this guy, I strongly urge disengagement while getting together the funds to leave. Escape plan time.
Go have fun by yourself. Work on you-chronic health issues are the suck, and stress almost always makes them worse. Get yourself into therapy to help with detaching from him.
What I have to do with him is this... Tell him what is the problem is and how much it's upsetting me in " I statements ": that is, how I feel about the problem, how big a deal it is to me that this gets fixed, and so on.
I then tell him he's a grown-ass man and I have great confidence in his ability to get the crap fixed, because he knows it's REALLY important to me that he does.
The ex and I had big fights about her waltzing out of jobs. I did not do a great job of telling her how much this terrorized me. Things might have gone much smoother had I shared the panic attacks. She thought iwas being horribly cruel about the whole thing.
@Freedie...you said "It sounds like you don't like your partner very much. Staying in a relationship for financial reasons never really works out well. If you are this unhappy, it might be a good idea to start making plans to save up a little at a time so you can leave. " I do like him, I do NOT like his OTHER PERSONALITIES. This guy has been so trampled on it is unbelievable. His REAL self does come out, but basically he doesn't know who he really is because he was stomped on at such a young age. We are searching for a good therapist, but we live in the country and it is not easy cuz it takes hours to get anywhere. He wants to HEAL, he just doesn't know how. We have books, we go to websites, BUT I am leery of him, because of his alter egos. I have never met someone that has been so abused before and having witnessed the way he "switches" is very frightening to me.
@bluedragon...I am not "constantly" telling him what he is doing wrong. I am not YOUR ex. I am a very loving woman and I have raised a son to be a loving person also. I myself have been abused and demeaned by a sunni muslim father so I UNDERSTAND abuse. I am not abusive to him, but it sounds like you expect me or anyone that lives with someone like this to just sit there and be quiet? To not attempt to teach him some morals when he doesn't know what morals are? How is he going to learn anything if someone doesn't teach him? He told me that he wants my help and that he wants to be a moral person. So I can't just sit there and not point things out to him. He was raised like an animal. I feel as if I am living with a man that was raised by wolves, though that's a little extreme. I also feel like I have a toddler that has to be taught how to love, be empathic, morals, etc. You say that I am treating him like a child? We guess what? He acts like a child. I had to teach this "man" to wash his hands for Gods sake every time they were dirty. Someone has to teach him the basics, because his mother and father did not teach him anything. It is just hard for me to deal with all of this. Sure, I can save up to move, but our budget is tight and if I sit and do the math, it would take me at least 10 years to gather up the funds to move, so what do I do until then? Just sit there and act like nothing is wrong with him? We do have good days btw. We just don't know where to go for professional HELP!!! I am NOT like your average woman, I am not a controlling type woman. I don't even like when he opens doors for me, because I am a humble woman and I believe that a woman should be behind her man, not walking proud in front and stepping all over him. I care about him, I guess because I come from a dysfunctional family is the main reason why I allowed this relationship to even begin. We all have some issues going on from being raised in dysfunction, but I changed, I broke the chain of abuse handed down from my families Cengis Khan lineage. I did not do to my son what was done to me. I broke that chain. I am a humble, loving woman, but he thought I was ignorant and I am not ignorant. No one in their right mind would just sit there and allow a man that God created to be moral to act like an animal in their house nor around them. If he wants to go, he needs to go, because I can't go. I am trapped.