Multiple Personalities Support Group
Dissociative identity disorder is a diagnosis described as the existence in an individual of two or more distinct identities or personalities, each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment. At least two of these personalities are considered to routinely take control of the individual's behavior, and there is also some associated memory loss,...
Miss Perfect thinks I need to not exist. She hates me. She doesn't totally believe that if I kill myself, she dies. She wants me dead. She's telling me I need to die, that I'm hopeless, worthless, disgusting.
I'm fighting the urge to literally beat myself up-I went from cutting to beating myself a couple of years ago, because cutting was not hurting enough.
...I wish I was dead.
This is a familiar mental location and it sucks.
I'm fighting the urge to literally beat myself up-I went from cutting to beating myself a couple of years ago, because cutting was not hurting enough.
...I wish I was dead.
This is a familiar mental location and it sucks.
Do you think Miss Perfect is an introject? an incorporation of someone else's judgement of you? Sometimes they don't even care if us dieing means they die too, especially if they are introjects who don't feel part of you anyway.
Can you resist it? It seems you are centered enough for now to resist it.
If it matters at all.. I can tell you that your worth is beyond measure, you are precious. The hope may lie in a different place, but there is hope that 'the best is yet to come' if you hang in here with us. You are Loved, and Love conquers all,, even that spirit of suicide and self-injury.
yes, this kind of thinking sure does suck.
I still think death would be a lot easier for me, but, here I am, with things yet to do. Till God takes me Home.
gentle hug
Can you get yourself busy today with some positive things? That's what helped loum out of her negative state of mind.
We all need strategies for developing some kind of contract with our system that includes an emphasis on "no harm to the body".
But I understand this is easier said than done since finding an alternative outlet to release or process the hurt is not easy. Even if I am not cutting myself, I still abuse my body with drinking, smoking cigarettes...it is a more passive destruction but still just another method of dealing with the hurts (they take different forms).
Feeling defeated, hopeless and worthless are not foreign with me either. self esteem shot out.
as i said to loum...please be as safe as possible until the kind , compassionate, understanding and otherwise totally fantastic side of you becomes dominant again.
im pulling for you!
talk to her and reason with her about the wanting to die and not been dead attitude...and u are worthy of all the beautiful things, u are worth everything that will make u happy......hope it works
Then there is passive-aggressive.. when it's a kind of backwards way of doing something,, like pretending to be all innocent while we make a mess of something. It's really aggressive to make the mess, but it looks passive cuz they claim to be doing it so innocently.
wow,, when it's one part of my self doing it to another part of myself,, one being aggressive and one being passive.. hmmm
I still think the aggressive one, the one that wants the whole person dead, is an introject. We don't have to argue with an introject.. speaking of ignore,, but they are hard to ignore, aren't they?
When that voice told me a couple of weeks ago that I should be dead. Usually I agree, but this time I did struggle. and I won! and I got stronger than my introject.
come on. You can do it. You are worth it. Your life is a treasure. You are God's precious child.
no way are you worthless, nor are you disgusting,
Little Miss Perfect is wrong
I suspect you have strengths that would surprise me
and I know from following your posts here on DS that you add value to many people's lives. Your death would be a loss to many, Little Miss Perfect is as mistaken in this as she's mistaken in your character.
I hope this time had passed for you, and you're feeling more secure
Kevin
You don't need to take it all on at once on your little shoulders. There is a Higher Power that you can lean on, who will lead and help you through. And we are here to help in what little ways we can.
gentle hugs