Multiple Personalities Support Group
Dissociative identity disorder is a diagnosis described as the existence in an individual of two or more distinct identities or personalities, each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment. At least two of these personalities are considered to routinely take control of the individual's behavior, and there is also some associated memory loss,...
...There is a bad copy of my Evil Dad in my head. It's not my dad, that's totally clear to me. But not to it....er, him.
He's the source of the intrusive thoughts.
Example? A few years ago I was petting my ex's cat...and I got this sudden mental image of me killing the cat painfully.
I have had sudden images of me killing babies when out in public and I see one in a stroller or some such.
...I was hugging my girlfriend, and I got an image of me slamming her into the wall repeatedly until her ribcage was crushed...
These intrusive thoughts are torturous to me! I mean, it's like having a horror movie in my head!
But I think that the thing in my head likes these ideas, that they belong to him. He knows that they horrify me and hurt me to even think about...and I think THAT is their main point.
He wants me to hate myself, he wants me to feel contaminated (as I do) he wants me to feel monstrous, he wants me to hide.
Most of all he wants control over me.
He's the source of the intrusive thoughts.
Example? A few years ago I was petting my ex's cat...and I got this sudden mental image of me killing the cat painfully.
I have had sudden images of me killing babies when out in public and I see one in a stroller or some such.
...I was hugging my girlfriend, and I got an image of me slamming her into the wall repeatedly until her ribcage was crushed...
These intrusive thoughts are torturous to me! I mean, it's like having a horror movie in my head!
But I think that the thing in my head likes these ideas, that they belong to him. He knows that they horrify me and hurt me to even think about...and I think THAT is their main point.
He wants me to hate myself, he wants me to feel contaminated (as I do) he wants me to feel monstrous, he wants me to hide.
Most of all he wants control over me.
thoughts are thoughts as long as they are not turned into action..
I hope u have good coping skills as u go thru this storm...
take care
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theory_of_mind
I mean, trying to understand the original dad was an effort to ensure survival.
It wasn't until I was 12, when one incident caused me to realize dad could not be predicted, could not be placated, could not be trusted, could not EVER be relaxed around.
After that when my vigilance slipped in the future and I was attacked, I felt like a fool for dropping my guard, you know?
Because I finally knew what he was.
Anyway, the Pseudodad kept me afraid, kept me in my room as a child-the safest place I could be.
And I have felt the Pseudodad before-he's this horrible, buzzing rage, ready to lash out. It's probably similar to what my dad felt at the time, this constant tension...only unlike both pseudodad and real dad?
I have a CONSCIENCE!
So I think Pseudodad is currently not a threat to others...not sure about in here...Joy shut down when he came around.
http://www.igdid.com/h145-what-are-introjects
Makes sense. Is this why some people go onto becoming abusers (predominantly) themselves? I'm glad to know it can be turned around to be loyal to you rather than the abuser. I'm fairly sure I have introjects also.
He abused in a very out-of-control way.
...so the introject he's left behind is a really bad copy in my case...
And the feeling it gives me? incoherent, irrational rage.
The one way I know works in controlling it? Meditation.
It gives me the presence of mind to not be, well, possessed by this warped copy-thingy in my head, or controlled by it.
So I'm restarting meditation practice as of yesterday morning.
It's very gross even having a bad copy of dad in my head.
But he's there, so I have to pull my underoos up and deal with it.