Multiple Personalities Support Group

Dissociative identity disorder is a diagnosis described as the existence in an individual of two or more distinct identities or personalities, each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment. At least two of these personalities are considered to routinely take control of the individual's behavior, and there is also some associated memory loss,...

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introject speaks English!Who is he kidding?

moonface21
moonface21
Last meeting with my therapist;,I explained to him how as a teen ager,I took refuge in the English language(my mother tongue is French)
That way, I had the feeling I was safe from my abusers's control and intrusion as my parents did not speak nor understood English.
Later on, I literary took refuge in England. where I spent several years

After my therapy session, that night, I got scared in the night, could not sleep, realised I had forgotten to take my sleeping tablet but was too scared to get up, the husband deeply asleep next to me;Did not want to wake him up;Dozed off and then, I heard in my head that voice ordering me in English"You must erase the complaint.First time i heard the "abuser" in English.
At the moment,I am trying to bring back to surface my lost parts and memories of trauma and now, that mind control is in English;Very freaky first;my internal system is extremely well preserved and coded to prevent being discovered;
Any of you had this kind of encounters with self sabotaging parts and refined self protecting devices.?
Another device from my system to prevent access is to conjure images of the animal I am phobic about so that I "withdraw" and do not try and remember some specific memories
I must add I am a survivor of extreme ritualised abuse and have been subjected to mind control for a long time by my abusers.
loum50
loum50
I have very strong defense parts from childhood. I have no memory of any ritual abuse, but I think my child brain could not understand what was happening. What I remember is spiders and snakes.
moonface21
moonface21
Hi, loum.i could not understand what was happening neither.Sexual abuse occuring every night in my semi conscious mind and young age felt more like being operated.i remeber preparing myselfmentally by staring at the ceiling and im
moonface21
moonface21
And imagining watching an operation.
When iIrecently had flash backs of abortions, I realised I had not understood what I had gone through then.I had to explain to my 12 year old alter what had happened to her and thank her for taking my place when I was too petrified.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I remember over ten years ago I had a college teacher. The class was about sexual abuse and he brought up SRA. I had no memories of any abuse better yet SRA at the time. I went home after the class and thought, what he said is all nonsense. Satanists do not exist. The thing is the words just kept repeating over and over in my head and even when I awoke from sleep I heard those words. It didn't stop until I agreed that the man must be crazy. I'm sure that was programming forced on me. When you are programmed like that at such a young age it is very hard to resist it even as an adult. Because the traumatized child remains just as she was speaking and feeling horror in our heads. I think if I didn't have other friends with RA it would drive me quite crazy. But we are here for each other.
moonface21
moonface21
Yes, I also get a lot of comfort and power here
it sounds terrible, but knowing that others had to endure similar atrocities showed me it happens and that I was not crazy.
.I used to think I must be really perverted to have been abused so many times, by several abusers and that I could only make up "fake memories" about flash backs of awful acts such as abortions.
I have since then realised that we are many to have endured extreme traumas and that a perpetrator can easily mind control a child and hold them under that power for a long time.
iIam just starting to really express it and remember it.I was abused too many times and from too young a time to be able to fight that hold on me.
Thanks to you all, I am regaining my sanity and clear mind.
starfish
starfish
Me, too...and thanks to you, moonface and diana...reading your experiences helps validate mine. I also have the snakes and spiders problem although that is somewhat natural, the extreme emotion it exerts in me I think, is not. Even though I normally like all animals and used to play with daddy-long-legs when I was a child. My system is also well preserved and coded, and I have come to feel ok with that; it is that way for a good reason and I need to regard and respect that and not let anybody, even and especially, therapists, to breech my walls when I don't want them to. I also can identify with self-sabatoge. Which gets the worst whenever I make any kind of significant progress in my life. Like losing my children in the middle of nursing school. I had felt a lot of deep spiritual conflict going on at the time before I finally lost my composure. And I think it was real, not just my feelings or imagination. I also have a lot of introjection, and it's very frustrating as a lot of times it happens with people I don't like and they wind up "talking' to me in my head without my consent or awareness that they're even present until I respond to what they're saying to me. It makes me very angry, frustrated, and feel violated. I also have a tendancy to extremely criticize myself for every little thing I do wrong, and give myself little to no credit for things I do right, even when I would do that for someone else.