hi msobrien

this group isn't very active at the moment, but hopefully soon some of the members will respond soon to your post. I can't really offer you any advice since i'm not a multiple. But i would like to share an observation from my years as a member of this group, and my friendships with some of it's members.

"I thought my road to intergration was going to go smoothly, this was wishful thinking...

My alters the good ones, are ready to go.. I feel like they are waiting on the train platform ready to board the wholeness express...
One is not"

I've noticed that often successful integrations happen on an individual basis, and not always as an all at once event. Each alter choosing to integrate when they are ready. And for some alters, integration is neither a desired nor a valid end goal. They don't want it / don't need it - they seem happier pursuing a co-conscious kind of state. Please don't stress if your integrations don't go to a time table or conform to expections. Try to be gentle with yourself, and patient. You are all worth it

kevin

People like you need to be with partners that are okay with your generous friendships or efff em. There's more than one way to live a freaking life. Let's not be black an d white like an old television set and over simplify every thing like we are living in A cheap ass dime novel, so we have an excuse to be miserable when life is in color and life is our unique story made of golden plates worth a billion bucks.
And i think yud get more responses if u let us know you more before getting emotional.
Ps I'm on my phone

I'm sorry for your pain. I admire your courage to say what you did though I don't believe you are selfish etc..I Do thunk if the cheating is hurting your spouse you should find other ways to cope with what your dealing with and it sounds like that's what your doing. Everyone who has did is extra needy. I think that's a bad term though really just means we are hurting a whole lot and need extra support. I think that if your spouse is not caring or aware of this and with the cheating it May help you to go your separate ways. Don't want to tell you what to do so just an opinion. The best person to judge the situation is you since your in it. I hope this helps.

The 'needy' feeling really caught me.

I am feeling that too.

Then I hear my mother's voice in my head, "Every one has problems and no one wants to hear yours." Along with many other terrible statements.

And when I feel a bit needy. I clam up and go inside. I hid from everyone which is the opposite of what I want.

I hope the DBT therapy helps. Never tried it. I am mostly using EMDR and a bunch of talking.

While your partners feelings are understandable I dont think his feelings simply relate to him being non DID. Im in a relationship and about to get married to someone with DID and simply relationships are difficult. A man wants to be there for his partner and when he cant "solve" the problem and be the knight in shining armour that society has taught him that he needs to be well then it can cause him to feel like a failure. I think the fact that hes stuck around for 17 yrs tells you the kind of man he is.

Ive been dx for upteen years now and out of all the reasearch and reading ive done it has been very rare for integration to be smooth sailing. Ive just participated in the creation of the radio documentary in which five people with DID, including myself were interviewed about their experiences with DID and the topic of integration came iup. Only one person believed in integration and the rest of us believed in everyone working together for the good of the whole. I myself began with 33 personalities and now we are back to 15. I think its important to remember that our personalities went through a lot when we were growing up so at times they believe why they should give up the lives they have.

I trhink ultimatelyt it needs to come down to apros and cons list and everyone's opinion being heard and validated.

*****************CONGRATULATIONS, TYZZ!!!***********************

I agree with what k2h said about alters integrating one at a time. The process that needs to happen is, first to earn the trust with the therapist and for that reason you might wind up with a few or a group of alters that are ready to take the next step and then the next step is to deal with whatever issues that need to be dealt with, for each alter. In that case, when there are more than one who participates in the next step, each therapy session becomes essentially a group therapy session. And then when each feel they are ready, if they are ready (no more issues pop up, which taking this next step can and often does, cause something to surface)...and so on and so forth until we are one again....
On the other hand, for some, just learning to work together civilly seems to work better. Which is what has worked for me so far until this day when I am finding that switching around to get through the day isn't working so well any more because it is so tiring. So perhaps that is my next step. I have no idea. One important thing to remember as far as DID is concerned, is that it is especially important to always take heed that every one of us, although we follow and experience our patterns of behavior and healing in some predictable ways, the design of us is unique to us all. And therefore, so is the design of our own healing processes.