Multiple Personalities Support Group

Dissociative identity disorder is a diagnosis described as the existence in an individual of two or more distinct identities or personalities, each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment. At least two of these personalities are considered to routinely take control of the individual's behavior, and there is also some associated memory loss,...

1,040 Members
5,950 Posts
0 Online
Mental Health
/ Multiple Personalities Support Group

Inner self *tw* (please comment)

hopeless25
hopeless25
Ok so i still don't know if i belong here or if i should even be writing this here but maybe it will help give me a little insight or someone is going threw the something...

Yesterday my cousin (abuser) was at my house. I prepared myself and mental got ready to fight if he tried anything. I created the personalty and identity Teekie in about 8th grade it was my way of still being alive but teekie didn't fully develop and take over until 11 grade. Takiah ( my actual name) lays dormant the abused, scared child that none believed. When my cousin came after me i kinda froze and the strong ready to fight teekie was now the scared, crying didn't know what to do takiah ...


I know all of this sounds weird and crazy but things have been going bad lately and its like takiah is trying to take control, tired of being suppressed. The prozac i take now has helped a lot with let say my inner conscience voice the negative half , but at night even though no thoughts are going threw my head tears still fall its like my inner self telling me that she's still there even though i tried to quiet her and she's still hurt.....

Crazy i know... weird...yup...but that's whats going on and how i see it.....does anyone think they know what's wrong with me .....and and advice
bluedragon41
bluedragon41
Um...I have no advice, other than to say I find it terrifically frustrating that you're back in this situation again at all, that your family likes to deny so much that they keep putting you in danger, over and over and over.
Not much can be done to get better until safety's established.
((((((GIANT HUG))))))))
You deserve safety, sweetheart.
theblackrose
theblackrose
When I first started out with Ella I always thought she's was just an imaginary friend ( but I fucking wasn't -Ella) but when I turned 14 Ella finally told me the truth that she wasn't an imaginary friend, that she was a part of me, an alter made to protect me all these years. I got scared and decided to supress her and to try and get rid of her. It never worked. There was alot of arguing and mental struggling back and forth. Ella didn't trust me and saw me as a threat so she tried to take control to protect the body. Eventually after many fights and negotiating we finally came to terms. Ellas a strong protector, I'm very proud of her. But we were both raped by my cousin and when ever he shows up, Ella gets paralyzed with fear.
Your inner self is scared to be forgotten. It needs love and help, it doesn't want to be pushed away. It needs your love and attention. It's not crazy or weird. It's natural. The advice I give you is to listen to that inner part, give it love and try your best to help it. It needs you.
acaseofyou12581
acaseofyou12581
Well, while we can't tell what is and is not wrong with you, I can say most of us wouldn't phrase it that way. Whatever you've done to cope with what's been happening was what you HAD to do to cope with what's been happening. Dissociation is not, in itself, dysfunction. A lot of people don't see it that way.

I don't see mention of a therapist in your post. Do you have one? If not, I would suggest it very strongly. And I don't mean just a psychiatrist. I know you said you are on Prozac, but a psychiatrist is not enough. I would encourage you to look for someone who specializes in trauma.

And keep coming back here, too. Good folks around.
stephanietram
stephanietram
sometimes meds can keep alt's from communicating and slow down healing, but sometimes that needs to happen slowly anyway. Sounds like you belong here though.
hopeless25
hopeless25
Thank you so much guys for commenting it means a lot. I really don't know how to heal or even how to attack this, i'm so use to being this other person and and having these walls up, I don't know how to take them down and face and begin to heal.. Its really hard to heal when the abuse is still going on...

What is the difference between the a therapist and psychiatrist ?

I want to become whole and heal just don't know how
stephanietram
stephanietram
therapist; not as much education, may not be centered around drug therapy, usually takes insurance, may be more available.

Psychologist, educated, drug centered sometimes, busy, usually takes insurance, expensive, harder to get appointments with.
deleted_user
deleted_user
i have advice. you need to first, remove the toxic people from your life who are either allowing you to be abused or are abusing you. That means, you need to remove yourself from these domestic environments. safety is a very serious first step that has to be taken. it won't help to go from one bad environment to another. brainstorm with your closest confidant. you won't be able to communicate to your parts or heal much till you are safe.
then, and don't forget this: you need to ADD helpers and the right people. Go with your gut instinct and listen to your alters. Of course, you know about support groups. Also, don't just have friends that understand, have friends that are also trying to change their life around, who have similar goals, and who r interested in personal growth.
keep writing...i think it's the number one way to talk to your alts.
Mari
hopeless25
hopeless25
Thank you both and Mari your right and i have the three best friends / support system ever and they are helping me to get out of here.I just hard when my "family" relies on me so much. I sucks because they all just graduated this year and i will be alone but i know they are still there and will kick my butt if i don't finish lol But it's like when i right it's my alter trying to speak to me and for the past year i have only written depressing poetry and things kept going down hill
mamoth
mamoth
MEDS NOT YOU! THE MEDS R SUPRESSING YOUR PAIN OBVIOUSLY.
hopeless25
hopeless25
your right they are
loum50
loum50
I also take prozac. That helps me not slip into severe depression. I still get depressed but not as bad.
I have an abused child part that holds so much anger and shame. I've lately had some success in comforting him. He used to get triggered and come out and I would have no control and would self injure and be uncontrolable. I used to hate him and be afraid of him, but thinking how I would feel if I saw what happened to me happening to another child has allowed me to feel compassion for that child part. Compassion works a lot better than hate and fear.
You still need to establish a safe place first.
hopeless25
hopeless25
Thank you so much for sharing loum.. question does the prozac give you crazy and vivid dreams ? See that's what was happening to me my inner child was starting to come out at night. It started to get bad when i had my own room and started to feel so alone. She would come out and i didn't know how to control her i ended up cutting which i haven't done in a long time and at one point it became to much that i tried to kill myself and yet i woke up the next day feeling like myself but nights i wasn't myself it was weird and i'm not starting to understand whats going on ..
I don't know how to interact with my inner child the prozac has stopped what i called my loud conscience lol
I'm tryiing to establish a safe place but after this morning i honestly don't think my family will survive with out me.. I am my family's keeper and it was proven today...idk it just sucks
deleted_user
deleted_user
When i read you are your families keeper, i don't know if you are talking about your internal family or actual family members?
hopeless25
hopeless25
actual family
loum50
loum50
I used to wake up in terror at 2 AM every day. Now I take prazosin. I wake up but not in terror.