Multiple Personalities Support Group
Dissociative identity disorder is a diagnosis described as the existence in an individual of two or more distinct identities or personalities, each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment. At least two of these personalities are considered to routinely take control of the individual's behavior, and there is also some associated memory loss,...
not sure exactly where I am going with this except to say that since being diagnosed and staring to learn more about each part, I am finding that so many of the things that i thought I knew about myself and who i am are completely in question and there are some parts that are very very different from who I thought I was
I don't know who I am anymore and I HATE that, I feel like my whole world has been turned upside down and I cannot count on anything
I described it to my counselor recently as feeling like I am on that ride that spins really fast and the floor drops out - everything is blurry and confusing and chaotic and the ground has fallen away and I don't know if I am going to fall and hot the floor or if the floor is even there at all anymore
I feel so lost
I don't know who I am anymore and I HATE that, I feel like my whole world has been turned upside down and I cannot count on anything
I described it to my counselor recently as feeling like I am on that ride that spins really fast and the floor drops out - everything is blurry and confusing and chaotic and the ground has fallen away and I don't know if I am going to fall and hot the floor or if the floor is even there at all anymore
I feel so lost
.....this basic structure applies to all the information we perceive with any of our senses; the degree of complexity, age at time of exposure, etc. all have an effect on how our brains (including our reactions and emotions) organize, store, and recognize the same information next time. As we learn and grow, we use what information we've learned and stored previously in order to help make sense of the new information we see next time. Similarities, if there are any, help make the new learning happen faster.
All that said, when the new information doesn't make any sense like when we learn about having alter parts of us who act, think, feel, etc. like some totally different person besides our own selves, it is very confusing and an emotional shock. It not only doesn't match other basic information in our brains, (ie: other people have their own seperate selves, and we have our own, each having only one personality or self) The shock is also because we are becoming aware of a truth about ourselves we have HAD to be in denial about until the day we learn otherwise, if we do.
Learning all that, has helped me understand and accept that, although distressing, that confusion is actually a good thing, (as long as it is not too overwhelming) and a part of moving forward. I also had to learn that healing takes its own pace and I have to work with it, not visa versa. It still doesn't feel all that great, but that's why this whole process is expectedly and understandably slow. Others around us who might expect things to happen faster, simply don't understand this.
((( hugs )))