Hi Jessica, It is good that you are reaching out, and recognizing there is a problem. Many of us who have been treated like you describe, end up feeling like that is what we deserve. The adrenaline rush from the flash-back, or fear can become addicting too. It would probably be really good to find a therapist who can help you deal with this in a healthy way. Hope you are safe.

wow thanks stephanie I did not even think that this could become an addicton to the adrenaline rush. Isee my therapist tomorrow maybe she can help!

Hope you get what you need to really be happy

i hope this is not a real 9 yr old....please...tell your parents if you are for real

Amerika...Understand, every alter is a real person. I personally have chatted with a nine year old alter who scores in the top two percent of the adult IQ tests. She does college level math as a hobby.

My experience, and I am a friend of a number of DID people is that alters have no sense of time. Seldom know their exact age, and generally consider themselves to be about the same age as the host was when the alter was created.

Stephanie is right on. Many abused kids got a rush Our brains, during the abuse, give serotonin and adrenaline. Even at a young age, it feels good. However as time passes, and the abuse continues, we became addicted to those feel good chemicals in our brain so we need more exciting sex in order to fulfill our increasing need for those drugs.

I think that may be why some people end up exposing themselves in public or having sex in public. They are still reaching for that same high they had initially from the chemicals.

Unfortunately, addictions and alcoholism are progressive diseases. we become unable to get the high we want, so we move up to a more potent drug.

I know of no way for an alter or anyone to overcome that addiction except to quit cold turkey and go through some very tough withdrawal.

Some people may call it sugar coating, but a very dear person once told me about the power in "coating your arrows of truth in honey!"

Maybe we could rephrase that last statement to say something like:
"Although overcoming additions (coping mechanisms) can be scary... fill in the rest with all those wonderful positives that will result!!!!"

I say this because I am working hard to replace my own negative perspectives with more positive ones! :D This does not mean ignoring or invalidating our pain, but rather just having faith that good will prevail if we persevere!

OMG, there I am sounding like a hopeless romantic idealist again! LOL

thanks crusty. dealing with some of those issues myself. Cinderbrook, you are not alone.

I want to thank everyone for your concern and help. Victoria is one of my alters that never wanted to face her issues. She always took care of the younger ones but was abusive to others. This past month we worked on her desire to be hurt. We descovered a little perverted evil boy hanging arround her and tormenting her since (I) was sodomised by a man at the age of nine. I'm not sure if this boy was another personality or a demonic being sent to enfluence Victoria to desire evil acts. Being aware of his presence helped Victoria to heal and ask forgiveness for her abusive behavior. I just wanted to let you all know we are ok now Praise God! Still ealing.

Hi Jessica. My name is Melissa. I am the birthname (host...whatever) in a system we call the Inside Family. I just wanted to say to Victoria that I am very proud of her for opening up and being honest about her feelings. Her feelings are real and it's unerstandable that she feels/felt that way due to the abuse. I want Victoria to know she is an amazing and brave little girl for talking but that she does not need to be hurt like she used to be hurt. Her body is very precious and she and everyone inside don't deserve any more pain. Jessica, I think it's great that you have accepted that this is how Victoria feels and are trying to help her see she does not have to do these types of things anymore. Her little body was made to do things that she was not ready to do and she was hurt very badly. Sometimes insiders still feel the need to carry on that trauma because that is all they know. I really do commend Victoria for speaking up and being honest. So very hard. Now action can be taken and you and the system can help her to see she no longer has to do this type of thing and her body (the whole body) deserves to be treated with love and kindness, not pain and degredation. I hope all of this makes sense. I understand because I've been there and I have little ones inside that believe this is all they are good for and good at. I'm glad you are working on changing these "Ingrained" behaviors and loving all of you. Ya'll deserve to be cherished and respected.
~Rainbow (Melissa)

Insidethe... great support and insight! Thank you so much for sharing and encouragement! We are hanging in there. God bless you! Jess

Glad you are working together for healing here, and that you have that spiritual anchor to help you. I find help in that way often too.