Multiple Personalities Support Group
Dissociative identity disorder is a diagnosis described as the existence in an individual of two or more distinct identities or personalities, each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment. At least two of these personalities are considered to routinely take control of the individual's behavior, and there is also some associated memory loss,...
Pleses. Somone hitt me. I need to be hitted. I dezrv it. I bad girl. I bad bad bad. I no got hit yet todays so pleses hitt me today pleses.
Here's something that may help you and Ruthi put it into a different light:
In most abuse there are three phases: building up, abuse, and then the loving phase.
First, tension starts to build... The victim walks on eggshells, afraid of what may happen if she steps out of line. Then at some point her fear is outweighed by the stress of waiting for that shoe to drop. Sometimes victims may even finally instigate an abusive event just to get the waiting over with, because they can't bear to be scared in anticipation any longer.
After the abuse occurs, there usually comes a period where the abuser, afraid that the victim will leave or tell, acts really loving, sorry, and may buy gifts or promise it will never happen again. This feels like such a relief after all the tension that it often wins over the victim and keeps them quiet, until slowly, tension starts to build again... It feels like they were loved for a few minutes, but really, it was just bait for the trap.
Does that sound familiar? The pattern doesn't fit every abusive family, but it fits a lot of them. You have the right to not be fooled by it anymore, now that you know about it. I hope you are in a safe place now where no one else hits or hurts you.
Offering kindness instead of hurts is a beautiful way to help build trust between your parts. It will take a while before Ruthi realizes that even though she's scared and anticipating the hurt, it will not come. She's going to be anxious and may try to create hurts to relieve the tension, but if you keep showing her that you can relieve the anxiety instead by doing something healthy and fun, eventually she'll learn this new pattern.
Some ideas for alternate ways to relieve that tension: A new set of crayons and time to draw, going out for an ice cream, a walk/run/bike ride in the sunshine, a new book that she'll enjoy reading.
There are other ways to feel relief than by getting hurt. Most of us struggle with this from time to time, but once we understand where it comes from and better ways to relieve the anxiety, it gets easier to stay safe and feel good about it.
Avoid drugs or alcohol, even though they promise to relieve the tension, because they actually cause more harm than good.
Hugs to all of you,
Wistala
Bobbi