Multiple Personalities Support Group

Dissociative identity disorder is a diagnosis described as the existence in an individual of two or more distinct identities or personalities, each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment. At least two of these personalities are considered to routinely take control of the individual's behavior, and there is also some associated memory loss,...

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loum50 06/13/2012

I feel like I put on this false front to go to work and I'm so tired of it. Today I'm feeling all the poison, shame and self loathing that is inside me. I should probably take the day off, but I'm too responsible for that. Last night I wanted to cut and struggled with that all night. I finally got so tired that I went to bed. I still want to cut and I don't know why. Maybe it's all the self hate and I know that if I cut I will have some temporary relief. I'll just feel worse in the long run though so I'm fighting it. I feel very negative right now. Oh well, I've got to eat and get ready for work and put on the happy face.

deleted_user 06/13/2012

I put on that face every day, i can really relate to how your feeling i feel like i can flick on that switch and pretend Im fine but then at the end of the day it all falls down and i feel exhausted. Don't know cut too, i just did and even though i fooled myself into thinking it would help, it didn't.

deleted_user 06/13/2012

I think we're particularly adept at masks. I know, I am. You probably are, too.

Give yourself some credit, Lou. You're doing so well, given all that you've been through. You're such a wonderful, beautiful, loving, hard-working, attentive person.

((hugs))

deleted_user 06/13/2012

We all have nightmares in our heads, memories of being violated. For me it's not the visuals of being raped that hurt so much, it's just the feelings of being hurt. In the eyes of my parents I was dirty. You can toss dirt in the garbage where it belongs. Sometimes that's the feeling I have to drag around with me all day as I try to make my rent one more time.

Lou I understand how much it hurts. But as Paige says you have grown and changed so much since you came to DS. I'm sorry for all of us that the process has to be agonizing. My thoughts are with you today.

loum50 06/13/2012

Thanks, my depressed part has been very present the past 2 days. He is sick and tired of working 60 hours a week.

stephanietram 06/13/2012

I hope you can get relief without self harm.

My therapist keeps saying how surprising it is that I am so functional. It's almost like she doesn't understand why I have a problem with my life since I am able to function and look normal. How to explain what it is like inside that is not acceptable? GRRR

bluedragon41 06/13/2012

That's an awful lot of work!
I would be unhappy working that much too.
That is NO FUN!
If it helps, I/we like you a bunch, mr. Lou-m...you have the same name as Unca' Lou, and we LOVE Unca' Lou!
(((((GREAT BIG GIANT SQUEAKY HUG)))))

-(Me and >littleme

loum50 06/14/2012

Thanks. It's the Wizard that goes to work. When he is out I'm not depressed and very good at problem solving and can think in computer code. Other parts can get triggered, but other than that I'm usually fine. At home I'm different at different times. Usually when I see my therapist, the wizard part is still in charge.

dualforce35 06/14/2012

Loum, I put on a mask everyday and by the time i get home i am exhausted. To me it is a necessary vice to deal with the world. The guilt and the shame and all that jazz can be so debilitating. I send you lots of hugs.

Steph last week when i saw my t she told me that i was highly functional and very co-conscious. The way she said it i don't know if it was an insult or a compliment. I almost feel guilty for being so functional.

stephanietram 06/14/2012

It's so hard to explain how on the outside everything looks so fine, but it doesn't connect to the inside.

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