Idon't have answers for you, but certainly recognize the questions. Let me know if you find some solutions. I have the same concerns.

I worked perfectly fine for 32 years. Ran a school, taught classes and, had my own business and raised 4 children. I dont want to integrate. I can handle the few problems that come up. My work never suffered. It is an interesting life and I live it as best I can.

Wow that's awesome amy58! How do you do it?

elevenofus has integrated a great deal, but it only takes a single emotional trigger to start to unravel our collective. Some of us took on more responsibilities while others were left out of the loop. Several alters became jealous and angry for not being included in the decision making processes. Working with our primary identity, with many of us encouraging Him to be firm in his resolve, and unmovable in many regards, required A LOT of work. elevenofus finds the points upon which we agree, and build from there. Wtihout the internal concept of our alters working together towards a common goal, we would have achieved nothing.

I have a lot of friends who try desperately to "integrate" or be whole. I ahve another idea for myself. I feel that I have accepted myself for who I am(all Of who I am) I do want the parts within me to come to some closure. I want them to evolve and be happy. I think all people have a life where they have likes and dislikes and indecision at time. Ours is just a little more seperated a little more exaggerated. I think being aware is such a special gift. I like what amy said about realizing consequences for our actions. Being aware that I am "not myself" at times helps me make better choices, helps me paln better, makes me more aware of the issues so I can work through them. I love my alters, I want to help them achieve happiness in life. It is so sad what happenned to them, I don't want to hurt them anymore than they already have been hurt.

I still don't get the difference between integration and co-present.

Well-said, Ickiv. I second that emotion! It's what I really hope for, too.

Steph, the difference between integration and co-consciousness is a big one, actually, and what elevenofus is describing (as far as I can tell from just this post anyway) is co-consciousness.

Co-consciousness is when you are present and so are your alts. You don't lose big chunks of time. I'm co-conscious, and for me, when an alt is out, it's like I'm sitting in THEIR head, watching, listening, but not the one talking or moving around. I can talk TO the alt in charge, and sometimes influence them, but they're running the show while I sit in the back and watch. It also means that when I'm out front, I can often hear them giving their input on things in the background.

Integration to me means silence. Integration is when the alts have become one with you and aren't separate anymore. You absorb their parts of personality, their strengths, likes, dislikes, etc., and reconcile them into a single personality. I have heard people who have integrated talk about being lonely because the others' voices are no longer there. They become single, like people without DID, except that they now have all the memories and emotions from their past.

Jess, do you have a therapist who specializes in DID? If you can manage to get one, it's such a big help. Good ones know the right questions to ask to help you work through things at a safe pace, while letting you talk about your alts without feeling like a freak. I'm really thankful for mine.

And yes, like Amy, I've worked even with my alts. Over 17 years for the same company. :-) The key for me is that I have one alt that's sort of designed for work... I walk in the door and feel my face and thought patterns change. She handles things there, and when I walk out the door at night, she goes away until next time. This is great except when I need to remember something at work for home, or vice versa!

Hugs,
Wistala