For me it was about making compromises with the ones who were angry. For example giving them 10 mins once a week to carry out an ngry activity no matter what it was gave them some satisfaction. It also allowed me to control the impact of the angry activity, Also trying to get them talkking about what and/or whom is making them angry is another good strategy. Theyll probably blame you to start with for not letting her get drunk or cut or whatever might be the case but then you can turn around and explain to her why you dont like her doing those things to the rest of you, Its hard dealing with the angry ones but its worth the effort,

tyzz27...Thanks you are right, however her only satisfied release of anger was cutting. I say was because it has been a while since she did.but now she's facing alot of shame and frustration. I never knew that a nine year old could be so hard hearted. If you knew her story I think you would understand. Deep down inside she is very kind to the younger alters there are 3 younger than her. She's almost overly protective. But she rebells against the older ones especially if they are happy. There is 7 of them. It is most difficult at night were shadowas turn into prepertrators. We pray alot!

thats interesting, perhaps you could find a way to get two alters "out" at one time so that she can have a least one drink, and then the other one can stop her so she can learn to control her wants and calm down a bit, or maybe she has someone she can talk to outside the body that can help?
Dr. Talon

Dr Talon I guess she likes Jessica. Maybe I''l let her out while she decides to have a drink. She does get to talk to her counselor once a week. My adult daughter is here for the summer I'm a little afraid to let Victoria out because she's mean and her story is complex and grusome. But I will try to let someone out with her thanks!

I've come to the conclusion that each of our alts feels a certain way for a reason, and that the best way to help them is to be compassionate about their traumas and learn what's making them feel a certain way.

For example, you mention Victoria feels most violent or prone to self punishment at night when shadows look like perpetrators. Could it be that she was threatened by perpetrators not to tell or they would hurt her? If so, and she gets startled by a shadow, thinking it's one of them, she may feel compelled to cause hurt to herself because they said that's what would happen. It seems almost all of us have at least one alt that feels compelled to continue the abuse we survived.

If that resonates for you, maybe you can sit down and discuss this with her. Offer to buy a nightlight that will keep the shadows away, and show her that you are now old enough and big enough to be safe from those who threatened her. Ask her what else you can do together that would make her feel safe so she wouldn't feel compelled to hurt your body.

As for the general anger, have you tried asking her to paint or draw it out? It doesn't have to be graphic depictions of what happened... It can be just symbolic scribbles of anger. Maybe she wants to draw a face and then rip it to shreds, or draw a knife and splatter red paint all over it... What matters is that she's able to express her feelings, because they DO matter, even though they make you uncomfortable. Doing so in a safe way like art and then having you look at them and say, "I can feel your pain in this picture," may be the first time anyone has ever validated her feelings.

Zumba or other fun physical activities could also help her use her pent-up rage for something productive. :-)

Hope something here helps. My Tia has become a really good protector since I started listening to her, and as a result she's becoming more mature, so I can trust her more, so I let her out more (with rules), and so she trusts me more.... It's a good cycle. I hope you can do the same with Victoria.

~ Wistala

Wistala, thank you.Really everybody thank you. So much is happening We all get overwhelmed. Night light is a good idea. I used to do alot of art therapy maybe I need to get back to it. Maybe I can get Victoria to talk with Jessica she's the most stable one for the moment. It's hard to deal with the people in your head when the people like adult children live with you and causes strife. I'm afraid I might find myself in my closet again.Sorry do not mean to be such a downer. This is Mary and I'm spiritually weak right now. I try to lean on God ,but it seems like He's not there. We are going to hide for a while.

always glad to be of service, im like the mother of our large group over here, no one really listens in one ear and out the other, glad you listened lol. see you again
Dr. Talon

is'nt totally bizzar knowing there are other people in your body? I have the worst time making decisions because we all think differently. I'm having the worst time with my adult daughter. She hates me and desires my attention at the same time and she confusess them. I am having the worst time staying present to resolve some issues with my daughter. Pray we are seeing my councelor tomorrow
to work things out.

One of the other members of this board inspired me to get a rubber stamp alphabet set and I just let my little one use it for the first time. It was easier for her to stamp words than write them (not so personal as handwriting), and it made her feel better. *Thanks, Catstiptoes!*

Yes, it's difficult sometimes, dealing with EITHER inside people or outside people. When both are in a mood, it's extra stressful. I hope you will be able to create a safe inner space where your little one(s) can go and play or rest when you need to handle adult stuff. They tell me this gets easier eventually, lol, so hang in there and I'll do the same!

~ Wistala

Again thanks for the encouragement! Tamps that's agreat idea. btw you have a beautiful dog! They reall can become faithful and loyal friends to all of us!