Sorry to hear that... couple therapists get paid a lot of money because of trust issues, so you are definitely not alone. I myself am divorced and broken trust played a big role.
I'm taking a break from relationships and learning how to trust myself more and how to be alone without engaging in self destructive behaviors.

I trust myself more these days, it doesn't stop me from feeling horribly alone.
...But I felt that way when I was married.
When she was around she was hardly ever emotionally available. At least now we know where we stand: alone.

We ought to be used to this by now; everyone we ever are dumb enough to trust...mom, dad, gramma, everybody, they are all THREATS. Everyone's a threat. We have to be alone.
-Shawn.

I've just found out that my SO has DID. I myself suffer depression and severe self esteem issues. I am doing everything I can to cope right now, but seeing your post feels like I wrote the last section myself! I am miserable alone nd tormented when I trust. I need to understand and cope and I don't know how. My other half has an alter who feels the same about being alone, that that is how he has to be. But he doesn't. I love him so much and would do anything for him. But how can I tell his alter that?! I feel constantly against that alter and all I want is to be there for every part of him, however they treat me. Can anyone offer any advice to help me, because my depression is starting to pull me under and then I won't be any good for supporting him when he needs me :(

You're doing the right thing. Good things will come to you as long as you love yourself enough to know how you deserve to be treated. Relationships are hard for anyone, the fact that you were in one for so long shows how strong you are. Look at how much you've grown and learned. Don't let anyone destroy you, maybe with time, she will see what she has become for you. Do you guys have children?

@ 84. You need to understand your own depression. Probably the biggest help my husband could be to me is to deal with his own issues and begin healing too. Second to that is the consistent repetition of what you said here about loving him no matter what.
That is easier to say than to do, but good for you with it. If you are a praying person, that's good too.

when someone hurts the one they love, they are also hurting themselves because one day, they will need that person's love returned but it will gone, because we can't keep loving people who hurt us- bob

There's a popular saying, or concept going around now, about how your life is a matter of making all the right choices. I think a lot of people have taken that and run too far with it. Not only do people who that has worked for, seem to think that if they did it, everyone else can, too. And then, I think it has also then become a convenient cop-out to just be able to tell someone with troubles....well, help is out there. You've just got to make better choices.

Bullshit!!! I would then invite same said person to walk three steps in my shoes (without jumping off of a bridge) and THEN tell me about making the right "choices".

When abuse is severe enough, it not only changes you and leaves emotional scars, it also can leave open wounds. And those wounds attract people who prey on other people's weaknesses. And fending them off, is not as easy for us as making a "right choice"

Meanwhile, one of my favorite and actually beneficial self-help books I've read, is called "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. There are other versions of it now, like, "Boundaries with Children" and "Boundaries in Marriage", etc. It helps a lot to be able to learn when to say "yes" and when to say "no" in a relationship. And more importantly in my estimation, WHY. Come to think of it, I think it's time to dig my copy out and read it again....