It depends on what I'm switching from and to. yesterday I switched from a tense and tight mode to a more relaxed one and felt much better. Sometimes I feel okay and then get triggered to a defensive mode and feel kinda rageful and then have to try to control that, or something cuz it's a lot of adrenalin then.

well since you are referring to alters and not moods I can tell you it is exhausting and at times very sudden usuallly brought on by triggers,, be good to yourself rest when you need to ,,, this is not easy I hope you are in therapy and remember advice here is just that not professional help ,, hugs to you

Thanks for the comments makes me feel not so weird lol ink not in therapy because I feel like did is taboo and they just looks at me like I'm crazy

It depends. Sometimes it's harder for me to tell because I dissociate so much in between (and all the time, actually). But I get headaches sometimes, and sometimes I actually get so tired I have to go take a nap. I wake up usually feeling at least a bit clearer.

There are times I really trick myself, though, and I don't notice until I look back over the little "notes" I write about the occurrences of the day along with journaling and realize it feels like the day has been broken into tiny pieces and huge expanses of time inserted where it really seems like they shouldn't be. Usually it feels like more than one day has gone by, even if I haven't taken a nap since first waking up. The way my mind divides up the occurrences can be very startling.

Having those little "notes" I write really does provide a lot of insight. I'll be going along, looking at everything I've done that day so far, saying "Yep, I remember doing that," and "Yeah, I remember that," and then all the sudden I'll come across where I mention what I ate for lunch and say, "Wait, I went to that restaurant and ate the tomato soup just today? I could have sworn that was yesterday, or before that, or something..." The weirdest little things create a huge amount of dissonance in my head, LOL.

I hate when I get headaches and I'm noticing I'm getting then more often .... notes sound like a really good idea :)

Yes, headaches suck. I have a special kind of hatred reserved just for them, LOL.

But the notes have really helped, yeah. I've been journaling on feelings and memories and stuff for quite a while, but I realized not much about what was going on in my day-to-day life ever actually made it into those entries. I started writing things down on pages set aside for notes--a page per week--about what happened each day. I made sure to write things down as soon as they happened so I wouldn't forget. Nothing exciting ever happens in my life, really, so I can't say it's exactly riveting reading or anything, LOL, but it's helpful. I wrote down whenever something would trigger me or I'd have flashbacks, too, and that helped put everything in context.

It seems like way too simple an idea--I'd considered it before, actually--but it really does work. You know you have the amnesia component of DID going for you when you have to write everything you do down to establish a narrative of your life or, say, answer the question "What did you do today?" with more than "Umm..." Haha.

Anyway, I'd suggest trying it. I keep it alongside more regular, reflective journal entries so that the notes and entries kind of complement and add context to one another, you know? It helps me a lot. :)

My therapist explained something to me the other day that might be common knowledge, but was news to me, and it relates to the headaches. She said when trauma happens the amigdala (spelling?) in the back of the brain actually changes shape and size. Once the trauma has ended and the person emotionally processes the event, it reduces and returns to the original shape. If trauma is prolonged, the swelling and shape change is bigger and it takes longer to return each time. Over years of trauma, this is part of what makes recovery so difficult, and it is a commonality with trauma people and those nasty headaches in the back of the head and neck. She also said that as far as her research goes, the damage has been shown to not be permanent, but it still takes a long time to heal.

Yeah, the amygdala has to bear the brunt of the pain in all that trauma. I remember hearing about this in various psychology classes. It's a more primitive structure and gets overworked very easily, unfortunately, because it has to deal with much more than its fair share of the work.

Oddly enough, I'd never thought to actually connect that idea to the headaches themselves. That would explain why when it's been a tumultuous day full of switches and internal conflict, though, why those headaches are so common. Thanks for sharing this!

I also will feel fatigued and I'll feel confused.kinda like I was dropped into a space without knowing whats going on.sometimes i'll feel spacey and little light headed too.

wow, aikitsune, that happens to me too! "Usually it feels like more than one day has gone by, " or " "Wait, I went to that restaurant and ate the tomato soup just today? I could have sworn that was yesterday". I can get quite disoriented that way sometimes! I guess the blocks of time we spend in each alter can seem like each block of time is a day-in-the-life. lol I get quite embarrassed sometimes when trying to recount things to friends, and either I don't remember or I remember but out of time or place. It makes sense that this is why.
Sometimes I remember a switch in its time, like the one in the car the other day, but sometimes the time of the switch doesn't .....
well, so basically you're saying, and I agree, that we suffer a discontinuity in the switches... yep.

Its good to know Im not weird. I have been getting non stop headaches since November and the first thing my psych asked me was whether they were switch headaches. For me my dissociative headaches are always at the back of the head. I also get tired as well after a switch and feel like a large truck has hit me if there have been several switches rapidly. Theres also more pain if one of the alters have come out and self harmed or i feel completely stripped emotionally bare if one of the kids have come out and cried. If one of the introjects have been out I am extremely tense and feel extremely agitated and like Im about to explode and know that i need to avoid other people at this time.

A great question HL25

It seems to depend on the situation and who's switching, to me....aparently, it happens sometimes and I don't even realize it. Other times, it's just a little "blip" in my awareness; kind of like an old movie film that skitters. But just enough for me to realize, that was not a normal thing, and I probably just switched. Other times, I have to "catch up" on what was just said to me (which happens most) but I think that's also due to chronic depression and exhaustion. It's as though I know what I just heard, but wasn't really paying attention to it, so I have to "rewind" the memory in order to figure it out. I think that's also caused a great many people to think I'm lying because I'm "taking the time to make things up". I'm SO tired of that.