Multiple Personalities Support Group

Dissociative identity disorder is a diagnosis described as the existence in an individual of two or more distinct identities or personalities, each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment. At least two of these personalities are considered to routinely take control of the individual's behavior, and there is also some associated memory loss,...

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Acting out like them

JessicaChase
JessicaChase
This is Victoria.some of you know me and my issues and my anger. Has any of you felt like doing to you preditor what he/she has done to you but to somone innocent? I was the toy for both women and men and now I find myself desiring women and it really is pissing me off and everyone else off. Something switches in your brain after being a victom for so long I started to believe I enjoyed it. Now Bonnie is pissed off because I keep wanting to hurt myself or someone else in a sexual way. Will I ever be set free from this evil? I am the only one that drinks and lately we all have been drunk in the afternoon. I am ashamed of what I think about and what I desire or fantisize about. I am the only one of 10 alters that feels this way. Everybody else want a man but are curious about them and afraid of them. I'm sorry if this is too much information but I loosing hope...I want to cut so badly. I know I need more help I just think I'm too stubborn to surrender to a caring person. I am angry! And I'm sorry if this has trigered some of you. I just needed to get it out of me!
stephanietram
stephanietram
Victoria, similar feelings to what you describe is what started me seeking counseling to begin with. I had no idea I was part of a multiple system until those feelings and thoughts distressed me enough to see someone, and then others began to show up in places where there were witnesses. If you KNOW that you do not really want to hurt others, then make that a point of meditation. Perhaps that will help get the message through to every part of your system enough to safe-guard the one that could be dangerous. I often want to drink or get high, but then don't. I guess it is because the others inside prevent it. I hope this helps. Meanwhile, I hope you can find someone to help you work this out.
safe hug.
Stephanie
JessicaChase
JessicaChase
Stephanie, Thank you for sharing. I guess asking the others to keep Victoria accountable might work. I'l give it a try. I go to my counselor today .Perhaps we can work on this issue. Blessings to you!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi sister,

I understand the thoughts and fantasies very well. You're not alone. What helps me is the reminder that those thoughts came from the abusers, not from me. They were taught to me by those people. I am not them, so I can continue to choose NOT to act on the thoughts when I have them. I can also choose beauty over pain... Here's something I started just today that is really helping:

I was hurting a lot today and wanted to hurt myself physically. Usually that means scratching my left arm until it leaves marks. Instead, today my inner little girl applied a pretty horsey temporary tatoo to my left arm. Knowing that she cared enough to put it there means I won't disappoint her by messing it up with scratches. I will choose beauty over pain today.

We bought the book of tatoos at an arts and crafts store for a dollar or two. I think they'll turn out to be a good investment.

Hope you can find a way to do something beautiful instead of painful, too.

Tia says, your anger and your strength make you a great protector. Stay strong, sister!

~ Wistala