It all started with my mother. She is an alcoholic. She ended up in the hospital again due to her alcohol related declining health. But this time she is worse and now needs 24 hr care. She is too young for a nursing home but even if she wasn't she doesn't qualify to go into one. Previous to this admission my sister, her partner and their son had been living with our mum but now she requires a lot more support. So it made sense for me to move in with her.. She doesn't want to leave her home and any attempts to do so is likely to make things worse for her. Anyhow the night I decided I would move in with her I was driving home and my shoulder dislocated. Needless to say this had happened a number of times before. So I wound up in 3 hospitals before finally getting surgery done. This is an injury from the trauma of my childhood so I was constantly disassociating and the flashbacks in the hospitals and ambulance. The horror of people seeing my body and scars was near impossible to stay me. But the surgery was done and now I am back at my mums. However I feel useless because I have a big brace on my arm, unable to work, need to pack my things from my house and make arrangements for all of that. Anyhow I just feel so up in the air with everything in my life right now. And I feel so alone with it all. I know everything will work out. And just taking one step at a time but I just feel so alone tonight.
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