I can only speak to my personal experiences, although I know others have had different ones....

My experiences with my different "parts" has been that they come out when (a) needed and (b) it's safe and appropriate. I don't know that this will always be the case (I've read where others have not been fortunate enough to have these experiences) but bear in mind - as has been pointed out to me by those wiser than myself - these "parts" were created for protection. Period. If she's DID and she's bringing out a younger part, then there's probably a reason for it.

As for responses, for me it was - initially - absolute and utter denial. That was about 12 years ago. Now, even though I'm experiencing it for myself, I still struggle with acceptance.

As for how to broach the subject, can you ask her if she's ever seen anyone about it? Perhaps explain it in a way like, "You know, I was reading something interesting about DID and...." or something like that?

Good luck.

the person who first approached me did it in a way that was respectful and made it easier for me to be willing to consider. He started with the question, "Have you ever heard of Multiple Personalities or Disocciative Identity?" I hadn't, except the Sybil movie, and he gave me some links and information to look up. The next time we talked he explained part of one incident between us that I did not recall at all. He gently insisted that DID is not a terrible thing to fear or feel guilty over (I still did, but his encouragement helped that to pass). So, gentle respect is what I can suggest; and knowing that she needs to go at her own pace. If she needs to back away from the possibility, then that's ok too. She will at least have heard from someone who cares for her...Oh! and affirming that support without making commitments you can't keep will help too.

Hi Kevin,

I believe that her parts will keep hidden from her abusers to keep her out of trouble. That's what they were created for, and since her situation hasn't changed, they'll keep doing that job. The people who talk about alts coming out at odd times are those (as far as I've seen) who are no longer in the abusive situation, so the alts don't have the same job anymore... and some are probably bored!

On the other hand, they feel accepted by you, so show themselves when you're the only one to see. As such, I don't know if I'd bother telling her at all. If you just continue to be accepting and respectful of all of them, you're giving them a way to be themselves and let off steam while she's remaining safe. Telling her more while it's not safe for her to do anything about it will certainly increase her anxiety. It would for anyone.

I do hope she can strike out on her own soon so that she can discover life on her own terms. It made such a big difference in my life. However, until that time, she has to be able to function in the place she's at, so continuing to be a supportive friend is a great gift that you're giving her.

just another thought, that her alters might be testing you. When mine first did something obvious and public it was testing someone to see if they were trustworthy. It took me a long time to figure that out. I just thought I was crazy. Turns out some of the alters I have will present in a situation to do 'fact finding' in their own way. Same procedure that was mentioned here earlier though...love and respect.

thankyou PaigeC, stephanie and Wistala for responding

your responses have helped clarify my questions for me ...

my friend knows i was asking on her behalf, my problem is that i dont k now how to raise your responses with her without risking upset. I dont want to ask when shes happy in case i make her unhappy. I dont want to ask when shes unhappy in case i trigger. I want to deal with this fairly quickly cos i get the feeling that for some reason shes becoming more vulnerable and unstable in that vulnerability of late but in tomorrow she resumes at uni and i wouldnt want to disrupt that
: -/


anyways, what i think i should have asked is ...

first question:
when i do raise it what in your experiences are some adverse responses likely to be triggered?

second question:
in your opinions, any ideas on how i can diffuse those adverse responses?

@PaigeC
im a big fan of denial, i think it a vastly under rated life skill i just have to remember that each denial has its use by date
: -)

@Wistala
youre right, for the foreseeable future she must be able to function well where she is the consequences of failure here could be catastrophic for her


@ Stephanie
i suspect ive had experience with being tested by alters. Not with this friend but another friend i suspect is multiple. It ended badly
: -(

I might wait until she asks if you've gotten any info for her before I tell her. That way you know she's prepared herself and in a frame of mind to receive what you have to offer. That may not happen for a while, but letting her ask gives her control over the situation, which is something she has precious little of in her life, and is truly the main factor in the creation of DID (and its healing).

I agree with Wistala, that you should probably wait until she asks, that allows her to feel she has the control. Disassociation is very normal for anyone, one does not have to be DID to disassociate. It is a normal human reaction to anything tough and painful. Assuming a diagnosis can do alot of damage if we aren't careful. What's important is inner healing and that comes for love and acceptance, which is what we as friends can offer. Diagnosing is for the professionals.
Love and Hugs
Phoebe

@Wistala
when she first voiced her concerns about her little one being an alter or not i asked her if shed like me to ask here for opinions and she said yes but it took some days for me to get around to it cos i wasnt sure how to ask. Perhaps 4 days later she asked what responses id gotten but id only just posted. I told her id let her know when i got some responses so she may wait until i let her know rather than ask. Also, her memory is a shocker she loses lots of stuff, and then just sort of drifts in hurts and sadness. Id rather wait until she asks but it may have disappeared for her, so do i mention or not ... a dilemma?

and you are so right about her lacking control in most of her life - it is relentless
:- (


@ cjandthegang
youre right about me not assuming a diagnosis, its something i need reminding of. But this possibility is something my friend has considered independent of my thinking, and i believe there are times when it makes her understandably anxious? A professional diagnosis would be desirable but it isnt going to happen and unfortunately she has no one to talk to about it but me. Im hoping that if she can accept it as a possibility then she may find her way here?

thankyou both for responding
:- )

I know all about stuff "disappearing" into (and out of) memory. It's gotten me into trouble countless times. That may happen, and since she did ask already, but too soon, maybe you could mention that you've "had some responses...Let me know when you'd like to hear them." That still gives her control over when she hears them. She may be eager to hear, or she may change the subject. If she doesn't want to hear then, I know you'll respect that. Her inner family, if she has one, will hear what you've said, and when one of them is ready, they'll ask.

On the other hand, if she is eager to hear, that still doesn't predict her reaction when she DOES hear. I guess if I were in your shoes, I'd give her the blandest info possible so she can then decide if she wants to pursue more information on her own later. I might say, "I've talked with multiples on this site and they say that if you ARE multiple, that it's a gift, not an illness. Being multiple helped them survive and live normal lives despite some awful things that happened to them. If you ARE multiple, than your inner family will help keep you safe so you can eventually get out of there and create your adult life the way you want it." That may be sugar-coating it a bit, but in her situation, alleviating fears would be a kindness. She can learn more if she chooses, when she chooses.

My two cents' worth,
Wistala

thank you Wistala
your last has been very helpful - you've given me an option for proceeding gently - and this is no small thing for me. It's huge! I'm embarrassed to admit i've caused my friend hurt on too many occasions by confusing her inability to respond coherently with dishonesty. I would cause her no further harm if i can at all avoid