Multiple Personalities Support Group

Dissociative identity disorder is a diagnosis described as the existence in an individual of two or more distinct identities or personalities, each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment. At least two of these personalities are considered to routinely take control of the individual's behavior, and there is also some associated memory loss,...

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AprilStar 03/06/2010

My t thinks I have DID. And from what she's explained it sure sounds like I do, but I'm not sure. I have days that go missing, people say they've had conversations with me that I'm convinced I've never had, I'm so confused all the time, I'll be somewhere and suddenly realize where I am but can't figure out how or when I got there. Is all this normal? I have absolutely no idea about all this and have no clue what's going on. It seems to be getting worse too. I've been dx'd with depression, but I have a new psych. now, so we'll see what she says. My t says that there's a part of me that's almost completely uncommunicative, and that this part seems to be around a lot more lately. She says I've switched in some of our sessions before, which makes sense why I'd remember half the session and have no remembrance of the rest I guess. Idk. She says that I'm not crazy, and that this is quite "normal" but I sure feel crazy. But I don't know what to think.

Buradi 03/06/2010

That's normal. I know about my alters and I can hear them talking to me. Usually, I remember what happens when the alters are in control, but only with a foggy memory. But, I, too, have missing chunks of time, and conversations I don't remember having, etc. I, too, will remember part of something, and not the rest. It comes with the trade. At least, now that I've had memory-killing chemo, I have an excuse for it. :P

AprilStar 03/06/2010

I think I tried to ignore it before, but now that it's been brought to my attention I can't just pretend it doesn't happen. I'm just so new to this. I wish I could understand . . .

Buradi 03/06/2010

Don't we all?

starfish 03/06/2010

Bless your heart, April, and welcome to the MPD community!!!

Well, it sure does sound like it's a good chance you do have DID...and considering that, if that is the case, then it IS normal to experience those things. Your T is right; you are not crazy. In fact, that is the whole reason why we develop entirely different personalities; to keep from losing our sanity in a very traumatizing situation. (usually also at a very young age, and repeatedly)

Your confusion and difficulty grasping the idea, in itself, is a sign that you could have it, too...either way, you are welcome here as you explore the situation and find out what is going on with you.

((( hugs )))

AprilStar 03/06/2010

How does anyone live like this? It's so exhausting.

Buradi 03/07/2010

I'm just used to it.

deleted_user 03/07/2010

Welcome and it IS exhausting! Healing entails a lot of hard work and some difficult times but it can be done. You will find a great deal of support here from folks who have been around the block several times now and know what they are talking about. Feel free to jump in, ask questions, and most of all, what you are feeling IS normal. You are not crazy. YOU are a survivor and you have to remember that. You're strong, creative and you survived.

Peace and hugs on your journey!
Karen

AprilStar 03/07/2010

What did I survive?

starfish 03/07/2010

That's the catch, April....many or at least, some, of our personalities, are not aware of each other, and therefore, don't remember some of the stuff that's happened in our lives...that's kinda the whole point of having DID....otherwise, we all would have lost our minds, and/or self-destructed. If you don't know what you survived, if you do h ave DID, it's because you don't remember it. But, if you do have those memories burried somewhere in your mind, and you have a good therapist, you will be able to remember, and work through it, and heal.

AprilStar 03/07/2010

i dont think i want to remember. its scary. im so scard. is something bad going to happen to me? no one nos abouit me. i have been hiding for a very long time. but they are making me come out now. i wrote april a letter. she is the person that i am part of. she will no about me now. she needs to no. i didnt want to come back. its scary.

starfish 03/07/2010

That's ok....that's the good thing about having a good therapist. They know to be very patient, and not press anything with you. They know, that doing so, will only make things worse for you. They know that takes a very long time to establish that trust, because we are soooo very hurt and broken, and violated. And taking that time for yourself when you do have a therapist, also helps you know inside, that it's safe, too...it all takes time. And, that's not only OK, that's the way it's expected to be, too.

Yes, it is exhausting to live this way; but that's one of the things that can help motivate us to do the work in therapy, and make those changes, and to heal. Life isn't so tiring, then...but the process is, and will be. Kinda like surgery. It takes a bit of a toll on you, but you'll recover and be better off, afterwards.

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