Hello all :),

A lot has happened over the past few days and a lot of things have been said on this board and on others. I want to clarify a few things for everyone here.

This group is not a group for reunification, nor is it a group that requires hatred toward the offender. This group was created to help women like me and you begin to resolve some of our confused emotions and to receive support for the pain we feel regarding many things we can't openly discuss. I refuse to get into a support group bashing session with those intent on personally attacking me or this group, but I want all of you to know a few things about me because I never want any of you, the women who truly need support, to ever question my motives.

When I was a child, I was molested at the age of 10 by a family friend. When I was 14, my parents were put in prison for unrelated charges, leaving me on the streets by myself. During that time, I was abducted from a woman's house (I was sleeping on her sofa....I found out later that I was sold for 2 thousand dollars) by two pimps, and I was held hostage, raped, and sexually trafficked on the streets of Atlanta. I very rarely speak of these things, but I want all of you to know that how I feel is not one-sided. I've been on both sides of this nasty fence.

I met my husband when I was 17 years old. I came limping into my marriage and so did he. We were both overloaded with our own personal baggage and we tried our best to love each other through it. I hated men for many years. I was filled by so much rage that my body actually began to fall apart. Through all my medical problems, I went to school with the direct intention of becoming a sex crimes prosecutor. I wanted all sex offenders to die, I wanted harsh punishment, I wanted them to feel the absolute emptiness and horror that they had inflicted upon their victims. I wanted revenge in any way I could get it.

I spent all of my daughters' young childhoods speaking to them about good touch/bad touch. I had a picture of sex offenders on my refrigerator and asked my daughters to view it and memorize the faces on the paper. I was a hateful person who had the belief that my sole purpose in life was to make offenders pay a very heavy price. I ate, slept, and breathed sex offenses and offenders. I studied them. Guess what? As it turns out, I married one. He wasn't one when I met him. But 10 years into our marriage, he offended against our daughters. I spent months talking myself out of commmitting suicide every day. I had nowhere to turn. Suddenly, everything I knew, or everything I thought I knew, disintegrated. The floor literally opened and swallowed me up. I couldn't understand why I still loved my husband and I blamed myself for not only not knowing that my daughters were being abused, but also I began to feel like I was a horrible person and parent because I loved him. There was no where for me to go to discuss all of these conflicting emotions.

Now, I'm almost two years out from disclosure. Many things have happened. My whole life philosophy has changed. I have let go of a lot of hatred I held for so many years and I have begun to find some personal healing through understanding. I don't request that any of you share my beliefs. I understand hatred, I've lived it. My body and mind know it well. And anyone who feels hatred toward their abuser or their child's abuser is welcome here. However, what is not welcomed in this group is personal attacks or abuse toward any member here. We've fought enough battles and some of us are currently still walking through the fire. This group is about support, compassion (for everyone's situations and hard decisions they face, without judgment.) Anything less than that will not be allowed.

Further, I'm refusing to look and see what is being said about me on other forums. It's toxic, and really, it serves me no purpose. I know some of you are members of both support groups. And PLEASE do not ever feel like you have to choose between them. You don't. I say, grab every ounce of support you can from anyone and anywhere you can get it. There are some amazing people on the support board and I have come to know and love several of them. If anything is said about me, please do not feel you need to defend me. It's not a battle I want any of you to fight, and it's not one that I will currently even entertain. My concern is for all of you ladies who have opened up your lives and hearts to me and who have helped me survive this terrible terrible nightmare.

I know that there are not many members on this board. However, I have gotten to know most of the members personally, either through personal messages, texts, phone calls, and visits. All of you are absolutely incredible people, and I'm so grateful to know all of you. If anyone here ever feels abused by members coming to this forum, please let me know. Most of you have my personal contact information in case I'm not logged on. Know that it is my personal commitment to all of you to keep this a safe place to discuss all of our feelings.

I'm very sorry to all of you for some of the things said here recently. I can't proactively screen new members out of this group, but I can ban them if they become abusive, and I will.

Hugs to all of you.