Actually - no. I'm wondering how you know if you still love someone.

Wow. I guess the answer to that is as varied as the number of people in the world. Perhaps, if you look inside yourself and ask if you want to be with that person or move on, that would tell you something.

That is a very hard thing. As I was just dealing with some stuff with my husband and was thinking of divorce. There is the truth and honesty issue and that is a big things in a relationship and especially when they are in prison. I did not feel he was being honest and truthful about things. I still have some doubts but will see how things go. I tried fasting from my husband to see how I would feel and in just a couple days my heart was aching and I really missed him so much and not talking to him, so there is still love there.

I was gone for quite awhile while I moved and moved and moved again, but now I am in my own permanent home and decided to reinstate internet again. My heart goes out to all who have joined since my own tribulation in 2011. I am 3 years into my healing, and I can tell you the pain will lessen so you will be better emotionally, but you will never be the same. God Bless all of you.

I have been gone for quite a while. Sorry. He was actually given time served but was sent to another state to face the charges he confessed to. My life he been hectic . I actually started my own business 3 months ago today, and It has taken off!!!! I'm now scrambling to find more employees because it's doing so well. Personally I'm still hurting. Actually my sis passed in a tragic car accident a few weeks go so I now have her girls a long w mine. Life is busy busy busy. I don't communicate with my ex too often. Life has me too stretched and honestly I'm dealing w so many other emotions, I'm not sure I could handle those as well. I told him I loved him always and that I'm always praying, I just can't be there daily for him at the moment. Also.... there's a guy!!! :-) he s amazing and loves me and my lil ones to the moon and back. I'm not in a place to give my all yet but I am Def trying. All in all I would say I am better. I miss my old life but I'm making the best of this new one. Pray for me and I will continue to pray for all of u!!! xoxoxoxo

I'm feeling pretty low. Met with my 45 yo son last night (who was physically and sexually molested by his father -- his fatther died about 3 years ago.

He blames me for not protecting him and I blame myself for being so naive that I didn't know. I keep revisiting the past and questioning myself about what was wrong with me to not know and not see....and then I go off the deep end and wonder what i must have done in a past life to experience such pain in this one (the whole karma thing). Of coarse its my son's experience and his story -- but, as a mother, my heart breaks for the horrible things my son endured. I was the adult, he was an innocent child.

I have no real relationship with my son -- other than a hostile one -- and I might see him once a year. Now the past has creeped back into the present and I'm really suffering today. He states that there is no chance of a 'reconciliation' and he doesn't want one -- he is considering marriage and wanted to 'understand me' better so he can be a good husband.

I've been sleeping all day and need to pull the feelings and memories back on the shelf -- but at the moment they are causing me a lot of pain.

Just wanted to share .. I needed someone to talk to, even if it is anonymous.

Someone asked "how do you know if you love someone". In the incest/relationship issue, I don't think it matters whether you love the abuser or not. The behavior is unacceptable and cannot be supported. If we stay with the abuser (because we love them), then we are chosing sides AGAINST the one who was abused. Using "love" as the reason is a bad excuse. Forgive my blunt language -- I'm speaking from personal experience. I was deeply in love with my husband, the abuser, and was almost destroyed when I discovered what he had done. My believe system was shattered, I had extreme financial problems because he was the earner, and I lost everyone of my friends because I lost our social circle (he was in the military). Yes, I loved him -- but that was irrelevant and not an excuse for closing my eyes to reality. I spent over ten years in therapy trying to understand how I could love such a person -- and how I could make sure I would never make the same mistake again. The answer, for me, was that I did not love myself more.

Hi, Scruffy,

I'm sorry nobody answered your posts. This board has been inactive for a while. I, too, experienced losing my husband and my grandchildren to an abuse situation. I just want to say briefly that it is not your fault. Again, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. It took me a long time to hear those words. Human sexuality is extremely complex. Incest and child molestation are not acceptable but neither is the blunt condemnation of ourselves or those we love. That only leads to needless pain. Believe me. I know that one. Been there, done that.

Fortunately, there are people who are coming forward to try to work on this problem. We only think it is our personal problem because we don't talk about it. When people start to talk about incest and child molesting, we start to realize that these things are very common. When we start to see not just that others have experienced what we have but that many others have experienced what we have, then you start to realize that something can be done to change this situation.

I commend you for coming forward and talking about what you have experienced. Every time you share, you help someone else. I do want to remind you of one thing though... You couldn't have known. Being the wife of someone who breaks this sacred trust is like having a few pieces of a 1,000 piece puzzle and expecting yourself to know what the picture is. When the truth comes out, you look back and blame yourself. But, guess what? You are not the one who chose to behave that way. Your husband made his own choices.

Your son comes back to you because he really does want your love. Your job as a mom is to love him whether he accepts it or not.

Hope things are getting better for you..

Peek