Thinking of you Katy. It's only been 2 months since my mum died but I can imagine a year down the line, missing the every day things, the chats with mum, the support, must be just as painful; maybe you miss her even more. It doesn't matter how many wonderful friends we have, unless they've been through it, they simply cannot understand the constant pain of losing someone as irreplaceable as a mother. And although we wish they understood, at the same time, we're glad they don't :-/

I wish I could say I dont understand how you feel, but I do. I lost my mom in Oct. We were all eachother had left family wise so I was very close to her. I have one friend who lost both her parents, but she doesnt talk about it. My mil (& I hate to say this) Talks about herself & her world so much that I can never get a word in, & after losing her mother herself on Mothers day, made several jokes when my mothers remains were shipped to me. I cant recall how many times Ive picked up the phone only to realize no one would answer...I try so hard to put on a good front, but Im not ok by any means. I just dont know how to deal with it in the uniqe & restricted situation my family is in.

I know the pain that you feel Katy, I too am nearing the one year mark.... and dreading it. I lost both my parents last year... mother/88 in Feb, father/92 in Mar.... old age. Ugghhh.. I honestly thought I'd "feel" better by now, but I don't. There are days that I feel worse. When I look up to the sky and speak to my mother (as if she's up there?) I ask her why she didn't tell me how much this is going to hurt. I haven't made it to the point of being able to smile when even a happy memory of them comes up. These days I'm back to crying all the time as I did in the first few weeks after thier leaving. It's hard to comfort myself through these really bad moments. Some days I long for a friend to lean on to help me keep my mind away from the sadness... and then there are other days when I am afraid (and this is wierd) to let go of the grief. As if the pain and grief and missing them is what keeps me connected to them. I hate that I can't think of my parents without crying.
I spent the last month of my mom's life sitting bedside with her. It was the most beautiful month of my life. My poor father was struggling with life also, seeing his wife of more then 50 years slipping away.. plus he himself was begining to "fail" He passed away 6 weeks after she did. I believe he willed himself to follow her. I KNOW he prayed for it. I struggle so hard to think of earlier times in thier and my life with them. Happy memories... that should make me smile. But even when I am able to muster those days into my head... I am rarely able to think or speak of them without going to that place of grief and loss.
I feel worse now almost a year after thier death then I did in the first weeks and months. I felt for a while that I was actually healing and had hope for a day when joy would be mine again. But recently I feel like I'm having some kind of grief relapse
Before thier passing, I was a generally happy person. Rarely pessimistic about life. I could find joy any day of the week... and now.... I am a different person. Katy.. you're right, I guess people don't know what to say. Bless them anyway. I have found myself shying away from talking to anyone else about my grief. Most people don't get it, and treat me as though I should be over it or "ok" by now. No.. it just hasn't happened for me yet. I still miss her beyond words and if anything the longing for her words, her smell, her laugh, her knowing eyes and loving heart have become stronger as the days go by.

I love you mom FOREVER and EVER!!

ps... I came back here to a place where I KNOW people who read my words understand.... thank you for reading.

People say time heals all, but I think they are wrong. I kind of think time makes it worse.

It's only been three months for me, but it seems harder now than it ever was. I think I'm out of that, dark, depressing place where all I wanted to do was sleep forever. I've re-entered life, and that is so difficult. It's like the more time that passes, the more you are reminded that she is not there. The more things happen in your life that you wish you could tell her about, and each time you have to remember that there is no point in picking up the phone to call. The more time that passes, the more the absence is real.

xxx thanks so much beautiful ladies for your heartfelt and supportive replies - Im so grateful for them, and to know that you can understand and relate to what I am feeling - but at the same time it makes me so sad that you are all going through the same pain....

having a very sad day....;-( Mum's birthday next Sunday and I am scared to face it...

My moms birthday came one month, one day after she died, and bless my husband, he gave me leway that day, and did his best to be supportive, but my mil just has no clue, I think, unless something relates to her, and her world. Its very hard to mourn when you have someone who should understand (loosing her own mother only months before) to give someone time, but just doesnt seem to get it because it does not rotate in her axis as a respect to her. My situation is unique and quite frankly, shitty, but when it comes to loosing a mom, no situation is ideal I suppose...