Motherless Daughters Community Group
For any daughter who has lost their mother, whether through Death (if it's been one day ago or 40 years ago) or Abandonment, (i.e.-drug abuse, mental illness, physical or emotional abuse, etc.) and is working through the grief process. This group provides unconditional support and understanding from women who have also lost their Moms and who truly care.
Next Tuesday it will be 6 months since my Mum died. Writing it now, it still seems impossible. I have cried and screamed and sobbed my heart out, but after weeks now of numbness, I realise I haven't moved an inch past the denial and shock of losing her..
My baby girl was born 2 weeks to the day after Mum's death, and I have a 3 year old son.
My baby Elly is 5 months old now and has brought all the love and joy a baby can bring to our family, so on the surface I think everyone thinks I am doing 'great', coping ' amazingly' - and I even manage to convince myself some days - but I know the truth of what lies just beneath. Im just not letting it in. My babies need me every minute right now. I have kept my Mum so close and real to me all of this time, can't I keep it that way always?? I really don't know what I am feeling. I'm grateful to have this space to write this down anyway. As supportive as my family and friends try to be, as time goes on and everyone moves forward, it feels almost pointless trying to express how I feel. Everyone expects it to be easier now, I know it has hardly even begun......
Today was one of those impossible days where the pain breaks through the numbness for some reason and the tears don't stop flowing. The days when you feel like you could go insane from the pain of missing her, and desperately wanting her. I try so hard to stay positive and focus on the life we had together, rather than the future that was taken from us - but today it's just been impossible.....
Hopefully tomorrow the tears will settle. It helps knowing you are all out there and have had these days. Sending you all hugs.
My baby girl was born 2 weeks to the day after Mum's death, and I have a 3 year old son.
My baby Elly is 5 months old now and has brought all the love and joy a baby can bring to our family, so on the surface I think everyone thinks I am doing 'great', coping ' amazingly' - and I even manage to convince myself some days - but I know the truth of what lies just beneath. Im just not letting it in. My babies need me every minute right now. I have kept my Mum so close and real to me all of this time, can't I keep it that way always?? I really don't know what I am feeling. I'm grateful to have this space to write this down anyway. As supportive as my family and friends try to be, as time goes on and everyone moves forward, it feels almost pointless trying to express how I feel. Everyone expects it to be easier now, I know it has hardly even begun......
Today was one of those impossible days where the pain breaks through the numbness for some reason and the tears don't stop flowing. The days when you feel like you could go insane from the pain of missing her, and desperately wanting her. I try so hard to stay positive and focus on the life we had together, rather than the future that was taken from us - but today it's just been impossible.....
Hopefully tomorrow the tears will settle. It helps knowing you are all out there and have had these days. Sending you all hugs.
I know a HUGE part of me went with my mother, and alot of the time it feels I am just here because I 'happen' to wake up. But life without at mom -------- is so empty. Well, especially for myself because my mother was all I have. I have no other relatives. None. You are so fortunate as you describe your family. You really are. And your mom got to meet one of your children. That is so amazing. My mother will never experience that. You have alot to feel grateful for. But I understand, it doesn't ease the pain!
I honestly cannot tell you if this shock will ever truly go away, my mom did not die suddenly she was ill for a long time, and yet when they declared her terminal and she was going to hospice to live 2 weeks to 2 months, that was the shock, of realizing that death was on its way and there was nothing to do but wait for it, it has been a constant thought, all the time and when I see daughters with their moms, or photos of mothers at their daughters wedding on tv or in person I have to hold myself from breaking down because I know this will never happen for me. The pain is too much and I cry at almost anything now.
I don't think we'll ever get over it, this is one of the greatest losses of our lives, so how can people expect us to move on? Perhaps the only other type of pain is losing a child, I can't even imagine that pain but in reality losing people we love is the hardest loss ever, and maybe it would be a good thing to show your emotions to people, sometimes I feel that I should because it will get the point across. No we are not crazy, no we aren't losing our minds, but if they understood the pain they'd know this is a normal reaction to losing our moms and we are completely devastated.
Anyway don't hold in your emotions, talk with people, us on the forum or a counselor if you need to, but the one thing that helps me calm down, even just a tiny bit is remembering that deep love, that deep bond and knowing how special it was, and how it will continue to shape our lives and will be given to our own kids and loved ones in return.
Also, I'd recommend showing lots of photos, videos, of your mom to your kids or your moms favorite things like tv shows or things she liked to do, tell them lots of stories about you and your mom and keep her memory alive for them, and let them know how special she is to you, I know they are young but I think keeping her memory, honoring her birthday and including your family will maybe not help ease the pain, but at least her memory will not be forgotten or lost through time.
The one thing I could not do was Mother's Day, I did her birthday ok but on Mother's Day, I had to skip it I was too emotional, so use your own feelings as a guide to how much you can or cannot handle, but don't hold it in. *HUGS*
I hope you'll feel better soon
I understand exactly how you feel. I lost my mom 4 months ago and I'm only existing now. Life has lost all meaning and purpose. I, also, struggle every moment of everyday. I've been in denial for awhile now; it's the only way to keep my sanity. You talk about shock and I can so relate to that. I'm still as shocked in this moment about her passing as I was the moment it actually happened. Life will never be the same again. How can it be? It hurts so bad it's paralizing. It's like a form of cancer that just slowly eats away more and more everyday. My died suddenly and quickly. In that moment so much of me died with her. What's left isn't much but it, too, is gradually slipping away.
I'm sorry I cant offer you any great advice except to say I hang on for the mere fact that I know it's what my dear, sweet mom would want. She wouldn't want me to feel such pain and devastation. I try to think of it as honoring her by having some sort of a life and a laugh every now and again. I know that's what she would want. Your children need you and deserve to have as much of you as you can possibly give. Be as great a mom to them as your mom was to you. I'm sorry for you and feel your pain. We are here together to help each other. We will try to carry each other when needed. Even if we're all limping.