Motherless Daughters Community Group
For any daughter who has lost their mother, whether through Death (if it's been one day ago or 40 years ago) or Abandonment, (i.e.-drug abuse, mental illness, physical or emotional abuse, etc.) and is working through the grief process. This group provides unconditional support and understanding from women who have also lost their Moms and who truly care.
Hi everyone,
I lost my mom last year, she had been sick for a long time but really sick for a few months last year. I'm in my mid 20s, and when she got sick I came home from school, and she only was with me about a month after that. Its just my dad and I now but he's already in a serious relationship with another woman who is about 20 years younger than him, and I have major concerns about going into this so soon it hasn't been a year and he's telling everyone (but me) that she is the one and the love of his life and I hear it from other people. I confronted him but he basically gives me an ultimatum saying would I rather him lie to me or tell me the truth? It hurts hearing how he's talking to me. I feel like I'm losing my dad and gaining a teenage son and I've tried to talk with him but it seems like he really doesn't listen to how I feel. I'm just afraid that if my dad makes hasty decisions they will not only affect him but me and I don't even want to be a part of it when things go down. I've never had an issue with my dad until now, and I'm going to counseling soon but I like being home, I don't want to have to move away and even if I could I cannot because I am financially not able to, but I feel like I'm losing both my parents for different reasons in less than 12 months and I feel very scared and stressed out and very alone in it despite having some very caring friends and family, its only me who really has to deal with this and I feel he's made my grieving time 10 times harder, but there is nothing I can do to help that. It makes me miss my mom so much more and makes me feel so sad and just unmotivated and unfocused now I can't seem to get a grip or help myself really.
So I hope in counseling I can find some peace, but I was wondering if anyone has had anything similar happen and if you have any advice for my situation?
I lost my mom last year, she had been sick for a long time but really sick for a few months last year. I'm in my mid 20s, and when she got sick I came home from school, and she only was with me about a month after that. Its just my dad and I now but he's already in a serious relationship with another woman who is about 20 years younger than him, and I have major concerns about going into this so soon it hasn't been a year and he's telling everyone (but me) that she is the one and the love of his life and I hear it from other people. I confronted him but he basically gives me an ultimatum saying would I rather him lie to me or tell me the truth? It hurts hearing how he's talking to me. I feel like I'm losing my dad and gaining a teenage son and I've tried to talk with him but it seems like he really doesn't listen to how I feel. I'm just afraid that if my dad makes hasty decisions they will not only affect him but me and I don't even want to be a part of it when things go down. I've never had an issue with my dad until now, and I'm going to counseling soon but I like being home, I don't want to have to move away and even if I could I cannot because I am financially not able to, but I feel like I'm losing both my parents for different reasons in less than 12 months and I feel very scared and stressed out and very alone in it despite having some very caring friends and family, its only me who really has to deal with this and I feel he's made my grieving time 10 times harder, but there is nothing I can do to help that. It makes me miss my mom so much more and makes me feel so sad and just unmotivated and unfocused now I can't seem to get a grip or help myself really.
So I hope in counseling I can find some peace, but I was wondering if anyone has had anything similar happen and if you have any advice for my situation?
Such a difficult and painful situation for you. My situation is very different to yours, but I do have a very difficult Dad! I can say that since losing my Mum just a few months ago, I have already learned that everyone grieves in their own unique way, sometimes in very different ways to how we would expect. Since my Mums death there has been a lot of conflict in my family largely due to the grief and emotions we are all dealing with individually. Perhaps some of what's going on with your Dad is just his way of navigating through all the pain and grief, so soon after losing your Mum.....
My relationship with my own Dad is very complicated, he can be very difficult and selfish, but he is my only Dad and I want to protect that relationship. Coming up to my mid thirties now with 2 kids of my own, I can only say that everyone walks their own path and as hard as it is sometimes for us to stand by and watch if we don't agree with that path, there may be reasons there that we have no idea about. Men handle things so differently to women, I'm sure your Dad would never want to hurt you or make you feel this way.
I can completely relate to how this is making you miss your Mum so much more and making you feel even more isolated and alone. I think you will get a lot out of counselling. I really feel for you. I hope you can find a counsellor that you connect with, that can really help you through this incredible tough time. Things will get better. All the best.
No one can truly understand these situations unless you've gone through it personally and you're right everyone does handle it differently and men differ from women which I've seen in a BIG way. The women I know who have lost husbands have not remarried and the men who have lost wives quickly jump into a new one (at least in my family they have) and it seems to be a pattern, but they end up going to quickly into it that they make such bad choices and I think me having to let go of my dad and see him going through this is hard, and trying to protect him while also protecting myself is just so stressful I'm worn out from the inside out. I'm not happy, I'm crying and angry and my weight has gone up, and I know that I cannot do this to myself for much longer without having serious consequences on my health.
The thing for me is that I cannot escape it, I live with him and thankfully he has respected my wishes to not bring her to the house and I just emotionally cannot meet her yet but all of my family has and knows more about her than I do and are worried for me, I just wish I could move away and take my moms things with me as much as I love living with my dad and am grateful for him allowing me to stay here I just feel like I'm suffocating in my own depression and anxiety, I've never felt this unfocused and unmotivated before in my life everything is like slow motion and I don't want to lose my dad but he seems to be choosing his path over me and I'm left with the void of being without my mom.
Anyway again thank you! And my thoughts and prayers are with you and your situation as well, I'm just glad I'm not truly alone even though I feel like it, there are people who know what this is like and understands the range of emotions and I just hope I can free myself of this mess soon, have yet to go to counseling but I hope they can help me get re-focused so I can live my life in peace without the drama hopefully sooner than later. Patience is truly a virtue in this case I think...