I am so sorry for your loss. I think the milestones and anniversaries will always be hard. My mom has only been gone for 2 1/2 months, so I am not sure where I am "supposed" to be in a few years, but it doesn't seem like it will ever be easier. You don't have to let go of your mom, but maybe somehow to channel that grief. Have you seen a counselor? Have you tried anxiety medication? (that's helped me so much!!)
My kids are the same age, so I get it! They've seen me sobbing out of no where. If my three year old even hears me sniffle he says, "Mommy are you crying? Do you miss your mom?" It is sad and beautiful at once. But, it is ok to let them see you sad and grieve.

I lost my Momma 2 1/2 months ago as well. The pain is still so raw at times. But, I don't believe we ever have to let them go - nor would they want us to? I started fearing some of those very same things within weeks after her passing - especially the nightmares and anxiety.. and I'm sure each 'anniversary' date will get them all stirred up again. I've read that is natural. Some things that have helped me cope are anxiety medications, reading and memorializing her. I have pictures of her in specific places - items to remember daily that she's right there with me all the time. The book I'm reading "Transcending Loss" stresses the importance of this - so no, I don't think we ever have to let go - but to find ways to keep them close so we can function as they would want us to. To go on and be happy with your family, raise your children as she did you - make her proud. Don't ever let go...
Blessings...

Thanks so much girls xx PutsyK I just started reading 'Transcending Loss' and I love it, so much of it is relatable to my experience over the last 2 years, especially the health anxiety, panic, depression etc...I will keep reading. CKelly18 I appreciate your words, and it's nice to be in touch with someone who has kids the same age. I know it is a blessing, and gives me something to smile about every day, but at the same time I never have the peace or the silence to process anything, just bits and pieces between feeds, nappy changes, playdough etc ;-) . It took me 18 months after Mum died before I even really began to grieve, I completely fell apart. My son was 3 when Mum died so we have had a lot of chats about all of the tears and anger he has seen, and of course he misses Mum a lot too. I know it is what it is, I just feel so guilty and sad about it all sometimes - it's bad enough that they have lost an amazing Nanny, but to have a crazy mad Mummy too sometimes. Thanks for your replies xxx

HI Katy, Just know that my thoughts and prayers ,will be with you on the 24th.. I know how you feel, it will be 2yrs in late oct 2013 that mom passed.. As you might remember, I am 66yrs old, and believe me, I still have difficulty Not having my 'mom' around. I still "cry" and have problems 'sleeping "at night and I miss her even "more" as time goes by...... Ok she was 90 but such a " youthful" 90.. Full of life, always "smiling" active etc( I guess I could learn something from her.. but all this to say, "take your time, you can't just put your mom 'away", she will always be with you.. try and be "silent" and you will find "her presence " around you. Live your grief , your way, "sweetie". Also, I sort of "envy " you as you 'have "little one's around to keep you "busy", for sure your role as a "mother " is not easy ,we know.. but just try and remember how life goes by sooo "fast" so try to "enjoy" your little one's.. Your "MOM"is surely there "in spirit" and must be so PROUD of you!!! take care Big Hugs Mary Carmen xx

first year was excruciating heartache, pain, loneliness, OCEAN OF TEARS 24/7 etc. it will be 2 years for my mom in June but this second year was very, very hard REALITY hit in. My kids are grown and my g/kids are also, I would love to have little kids around right now because I know this would be helping me. I've changed, i'll never be the same again. I'm LOST and can't find my way back. this year I couldn't believe it, I heard my mom talking to me, what a great feeling I had, to hear her voice again. they do come to us in different ways but sometimes when we're so overwhelmed we can't see the signs. there's a book called Hello Anyone Home by Jim Higgins it's a great book, very comforting and it lets you know the signs how they can come thru to us. if you ever need to talk, please contact me, i've had signs from my mom and i know your mom is sending you signs i don't know if you've been open to receive it because when your overwhelmed in sorrows sometimes we don't see those signs. it happened to me too. tc laura

It is so difficult to deal with your own grief when you have to be "Mum". It's not fair that you have to put it on and act like a robot with your kids when you are crying inside. I am so sorry about the loss of your beloved Mum. You need to take care of yourself. When you put the kids to bed you need to take some time to scream, cry and be mad at the world. It feels good to have a little temper tantrum and be mad at the world for taking your Mum. Then, it's over. You can collect yourself and move on a little easier. Write me anytime. You will be in my thoughts.

Teresa