I should have joined this group earlier. My 25-year-old son has been incarerated for the last year-and-a-half. He has about a year remaining in his sentence. Although his sentence is not as long as the one some of your sons are facing (and my heart breaks for you everytime my heart breaks for my son), I am in such pain that sometimes I simply don't know where to put it. My son is an addict.

I cry and wonder what will become of him when he is released. He has not done well. He is small and must defend himself almost every day. He has had his nose broken twice. He suffers from depression. He has been in confinement many times. He has now lost his visitation for the rest of his sentence.

My son was adopted at birth. He was sexually abused at five. His father and I divorced when he was 12. So much pain for one person.They say that when inmates are released, they often suffer from a form of PTSD. But weren't most of our sons in pain when they entered prison? Isn't pain what caused many of them to go astray in the first place? How will my son deal with pain on top of pain? Won't that put him at risk for using again?

I try to imagine myself locked up in a building with very little sunlight, no privacy and terrible food for over two years (or longer, if things don't go well). I imagine my son dealing with the cruelty of the guards. The prison has been on lockdown at least six times. Guards and inmates have been stabbed by other inmates and have died. What if I receive that phone call?

Sometimes I think that God knew this was to be my son's path and placed him with parents who love him more than anything in the world. That is the only thing that gives me comfort. But the guilt is still there. I wonder if I am responsible for this. I am, after all, the mother...

Thank you for tolerating my ramblings. I hope to hear from you.

crushed but hopeful