I am so very sorry to hear about your son's arrest. I don't know what happened, but you have got to stay strong to make it through this ordeal and for your son. He is going to need you to be there for him. Have you looked into legal help for him? Focus on the things you can do for him. Does he need some funds for commissary? Be there to receive his phone calls - that will be very important to your son. You must take care of yourself. My own son is in federal prison as he got arrested in his early twenties and won't be out for a few more years. I felt the same way you do. I would say that is normal for a mother. You are in shock right now. You can always pray - I have found that to be very comforting.
This group is not very active anymore. There is a fairly active "Families of Prisoner's" group on this site. I have found that others in our same situation are the only ones that truly understand how we feel. Even family does not really comprehend the pain we are going through. Once the court stuff is behind you and your son moves on to prison, things will actually get better for you. I know that seems a long way down the road. I would get tears in the store when I saw items that my son liked. I can so relate to your pain.
Like I said just take one day at a time or even one hour at a time. Everyday keep putting one foot in front of the other and you will get through this. Blessings! Faithflower :)

Thank you Faith I think it will help to be able to talk to others who are going through the same ordeal. Right now it is pretty much 1 hour at a time. I feel like im not going to make it, but I keep pushing myself. Some days are better than others. I am doing everything possible that a mother can do. He has a 4 year old daughter who will be 5 this Sunday and she keeps saying I want my Daddy and that just tears me up. I try very hard to stay strong for her.I feel guilt over the strangest things, like eating something going anywhere. The other day I spent all day crying. It was raining and even the rain did not sound the same. Does that make sense. I hope you will check this sight so we can continue. I know that you completely understand because you are going through the same. I am new at this and know I will have to grieve in my own time. Thanks for listening. It means alot!

Oh that is so sad about your grand daughter. It does make sense to me about the rain not sounding the same. Nothing is the same or will be the same until your son is back with your family.
When my son was arrested I was a stay at home mother. I was consumed with sadness everyday and I could not think of anything else. I decide to return to a previous career to keep myself occupied. That has been wonderful. The time is flying by and we are now about halfway through our son's sentence. Maybe you could find something to occupy your time.
Remember "This to shall pass". Meaning one day your son will be back with you and your family.
I pray for peace and comfort for you and your family.
Hang in There!
Faithflower

I'm sorry it has taken me so long to respond to your mail, but I lost my password and it took a while for me to get back in touch. It is so hard on us Moms, and I have had some of the same feelings you are having. My son also has a daughter who will be turning 5 in July and she sadly hardly remembers him. He has not seen her for almost 2 years now, her Mom does not want her to go to the prison to visit him. Every time I see a young man my son's age my heart still aches for him. We have to just keep leaning on our Saviour and He will see us through it all. Help me pray that my son's appeal will be approved and his 15 year sentence will be reduced. Thank you and stay strong!

Praying that your son's sentence WILL BE reduced, Bellasmema !!

Its ok bellasmema I have not been on in a while either. I think Faith is right nothing will sound the same or be the same until we are a family again. I am going to church again and that is really helping me!! I will definitely pray for your son!!!

Kitty, I just read your post. I know its very sad what your feeling. I feel the same. My son has been in prison a little over two years.

I feel for you all and you have my prayers. My son has been in prison for 7 months and I'm still struggling to cope. I feel helpless because I can't afford a lawyer

I myself have a daughter currently in county jail, she has been there since October of 2013 for a terrible crime. This world and the drug issues are what's killing our children. My daughter 24 at the time was with someone who did a terrible thing just to get the next "fix". Severely injuring two young drug dealers. Because she was there with them she too is being charged to the same degree and was currently looking at 25 years to LIFE. How as a mother could I cope. I can't !!!! I always told my children to always tell the truth. I may not like what I hear but at least I know it is the truth. I feel I failed my daughter. When questioned, she confessed to her part in in and that is what is hurting her case. She has a tender heart and has NEVER has as much as a parking ticket, yet because she told the truth she is where she is. I'm ok with that that to a degree. She did something she should not have and there is a price to pay but, 25 yrs to life I do not agree. I don't have a lot of money and live paycheck to paycheck but found an attorney to help us through payments. For almost 21 months I cried missing her, not having that final piece of our family together. The BF she was with that actually did the shooting took a plea of 40 years in prison. My little girl was offered 30. The punishment did not fit the crime for her. She didn't have a gun, know a gun was going to be used, not did she injure the two young men. Thankfully they are ok. She decided she wanted to fight for her self. Well, her trial was this weeks and .....she was flung guilty on three counts. I can not begin to tell you how my world has crumbled forever. She is taking this better than I am. We are waiting for sentencing on July 9th. I am reaching out to all mothers of children in prison to PRAY the judge has mercy on her and sees her for who she really is. But for me how do I go on???? My life is not the same. I feel like two different people 1 the person I want to be and that is to stay at home, and cry all day and 2 the one that has to function in society by going to work. I can't do it. Im' not strong any longer. For those mothers who currently have children in prison, how are they? I fear the worse in a prison setting. I feel she will be abused, taken advantage of. and that above all things makes my anxiety level skyrocket and I can't function. I can't stand not knowing the unknown. If any moms out there can tell me what to expect it sure would ease my mind. Again, I may not like what I hear but I can't cope with the unknown. I pray for all you Moms that are dealing with this in their lives, I pray for each and everyone of you. If anyone would be kind enough to share the prison life experience as they know it, i would so very much appreciate it. Thank you and God Bless

I am especially thinking of you today (July 9) as you somehow find a way to eventually accept your daughter's fate (as well as your own). My son's sentencing is scheduled for Sept. 4, and he stands to receive 65 years to life because of laws which allow for adding gobs of time for "priors", gang enhancement, shooting enhancement, etc. And I can certainly relate to the unfairness of it all, as my son didn't know anything either, but because of being with perpetrators (who took a plea for a lesser crime), my son was convicted of charges that were made up by the DA, completely based on circumstantial evidence. My heartfelt prayers are with you today Dbutler25...may His peace find a way into your heart regardless of what this world (and the enemy) have to throw at you. Huge hugs!!

Feeling for both you ladies and understanding your bitterness with the court system. My oldest son who has always followed the straight and arrow had a two year relationship with a wild girl with no morals and values, huge skull tattoo on her neck and chest, 4 year old who my son fell in love with and supported both as if he had that duty. She broke it off and would not allow him to see her son. Three days after he moved out of his apartment that they shared, she posts all over facebook she is in a new relationship with a trans (not saying I am prejudice) Just it blew my son's mind away. He flipped out, started drinking heavily, taking ativan on top of it, got a restraining order which he eventually violated trying to talk with her and felony charge for reaching in an open vehicle window obtaining his house key that he still maintained a lease for and went into the apartment. She wasn't there but the friend pressed charges for breaking and entering, a felony charge. Unbelievable. He has not hurt anyone or caused any property damange. I admit he has been out of his mind, drinking and driving. Got another ticket for open container. Today he missed his court date because he thought it was tomorrow. I have already bailed him out of jail, caught him up on all his bills, paid two months rent to get him off the lease, sent him to treatment center to dry out, obtained a lawyer, wrote letters pursuing a honorable discharge from army reserves because he hasn't been able to go to drill due to anxiety. Now today misses court and I just am so angry. It's like he doesn't care. I blew up at him and told him I was done. I also got him insurance because his lapsed and he got a speeding ticket last week which will now raise his insurance even more. So now there is a warrant out and I am just done. He cryed in jail saying how he learned his lesson and would stay clear from any other potential run ins with police. He is in therapy and taking medication for anxiety and depression. Doesn't care about getting his job back because he is too embarrassed. A really good job that he should be thanking god they are willing to take him back. I see this successful kid throwing his life away and I just so damn tired. Then I have a middle son who has serious alcoholism age 22 who is in california for treatment. He isn't speaking with me, probably blames me for him being there. I listen to many of you talk about prison and feel that is where one or both of my boys are headed. Feel like it's a bad dream. Cant help but blame myself and my poor choices when raising them. I have grown to hate the court system. It makes me sick how some get off who should be put away for life and our kids who make one bad choice are crucified. I freakin felony for reaching in a car window taking your own keys. He hasn't been charged but him not showing up to court today for open container is not going to look good. I admire you all for your strength and dedication to your children. I'm burned out and think it's time for me just let them be responsible for their own actions.