I am coming up on 1 year since the loss of my baby at 9 weeks (though I was 11 weeks when I found out that baby had already passed). It's been almost 6 months since my 2nd miscarriage. I feel absolutely suffocated at times, either when I go somewhere and I see a pregnant woman (or women), or when I see babies or toddlers. It's like I just want to crawl out of my skin. Every now and then I cry, but those episodes have gotten fewer and farther between. My nephews girlfriend had a baby girl (our hearts desire) about 3 weeks after my first one would have been born. I have yet to see pictures or know anything about this baby except her first name. I also have a pregnant niece and I don't even know when she's due and I don't want to know. I don't want to know anything about it. This isn't the way it is supposed to happen...my nieces and nephews should not he having children before ME! My husbands sister has a baby boy who just turned 1 yesterday and it is hard enough for me to be around him! I want to feel like I can live normally again but I don't think it will ever be normal like it used to be, just a new normal. It may be years before I can ever really be a part of my nephew and nieces children's lives but for now I've got to protect my heart and deal with my own issues and focus on that. I'd like to say that having my own baby will "cure" it all but I don't think it will. In the case of my nephews daughter, she will always be a reminder to me of what my first baby should be experiencing and how my baby would be growing. I'm not sure that I can ever come to terms with it, but only time will tell. You aren't alone in how you feel at all, and if you ever feel guilty, don't. You are entitled to how you feel! Take care of yourself, because no one else truly understands unless they've been through it. Peace and hugs to you!

I feel the same way, you are not alone. We just went through our first due date, and our next one is feb 15th (our best friends are due February 16th). I think about what could have or would have been numerous times a day if we hadn't lost the baby. I too try not to dwell but we also need to mourn the loss of our babies, as you have every single right to do now also! It is so hard, but it does get more tolerable with time. I am so sorry for your loss. Check out my blog if you would like, I talk about my daily struggles. Best wishes and good luck

http://mrsandmre.blogspot.com

I had a very hard time for many months just hearing about someone having a child. To this day, I get very angry when I see a small child that is not being cherished. I think part of it, for me, is jealousy. I wish I weren't jealous, but I am. I want a child so much that sometimes I wonder why others get this wonderful gift and I do not. Perhaps there is a something else in store for me. Hugs to you... to all of us.

Eklord,

I am so sorry to hear this. Reading this made me cry - I am feeling this way now. Its a slow painful process and I hope one day the hole in our hearts heal. I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone. I work with children now and I feel like this has caused an even bigger hole in my chest, I feel like I've been punched or stabbed and I'm literally gasping for air sometimes. I truly hope that it gets easier for you.