Miscarriage Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have experienced the traumatizing event of a miscarriage or a stillbirth. Miscarriage remains one of the most common complication of pregnancy, but that doesn't make it easy to deal with. Join the group and find support in the company of others who know what you're going through.

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blackroses1015 08/10/2015

It's been 4 1/2 months since I had d&c after my failed pregnancy was confirmed.

I honestly thought I would never be writing to strangers on a forum.....but at this point I think its the best option for me. I don't want to drive my partner away by constantly dragging him into my deep mood swings and the last thing is to worry my parents and family.....so here I am.

Even if I don't receive any replies, I am hoping to feel some type of relief or comfort in getting it all out there!

I went back to work a week after my surgery thinking I wanted to 'get on' with my life and erase the past month I had going back and forth to the hospital...people saying 'These things happen.....try not to worry' and all that unhelpful crap and then the numbness of realising the future I had hoped for with my partner had been taken away from us.

After about a week it all came flooding out in an unhealthy burst at work and I then went on leave for another few weeks and attended counselling ( 2 sessions). Then I convinced myself I was overreacting, there was other women out there who had better reasons to be feeling way worse than me and I would be fine and never went back.

Well after 2-3 months trying to conceive again it turns out I'm not and I am so scared! Sometimes I wish we had never decided to try for a baby......

When we started trying for a baby last December it was almost fun and exciting. We never thought it get pregnant in 2 months!! I had in my head at least 4-6 months since we had never had any health issues. Now it's just so stressful and almost a chore! I am just trying to get back where we was when I first found out I was pregnant.

Every month I do the ovulation tests to see when I'm most fertile and we stay pretty active every so often just in case. Then every month when I'm due on my period I cross everything and wish 'just once could we have a little bit of luck please?'.........and then I come on my period and the mood swings kick and I want to die inside!!

My partner and I are not religious in any way but I do sometimes think 'if there is a god then we must be in their bad books for something!' 'who or what decides these things and why?' 'what have we done to deserve this?' 'why do they deserve to have babies among all other things and we don't??'

It's even harder having to hear how perfect my sister in laws life is! Anything she and her husband want or need they get.......a house? bought for them! a new car? bought for them! a baby......she had one! a wedding........TWO bought for them! An even bigger expensive house....bought for them AND the old house they put in their 18 months name and rent out for 'pocket money!'

Worst of all their current child (our nephew) is passed from grandparent to grandparents to aunts and uncles while they still continue to have the lives they used to have and enjoy weekends away and 'study'. Then we're told by my partners parents.....they're trying for another baby. GREAT!!! :( :(

I once turned around to my partner and said if your sister gets pregnant before me I will totally lose it!! (Horrible i know, but just the way i was feeling and honestly still feeling!!)

I know there are women and couples out there who have it so much worse but I am the one living my life and right now I'm completely fed up with it!!

Please tell me I'm not the only one??

katielynnm87 08/11/2015

You are definitely not alone. Our stories are very similar....

My husband and I started trying for a baby in Oct. 2014. In Feb. 2015 we found out we were expecting! I was the happiest woman alive! And to make things better, my best friend found out she was also expecting just 2 weeks after me, what more could I ask for!
Well, in April, we lost our baby at 11 weeks. The hardest thing I have ever gone through... Why us? We DESERVED this baby!
We started trying again immediately, with 4 failed attempts so far.

I am constantly heart broken, still crying at some point almost daily. in 28 years I have never had pain like this. The week of my expected period each month is an emotional ROLLERCOSTER. Almost scared to go to the bathroom because I don't want to see that I have started. I feel like I am TORTURED by other pregnant woman and woman with new babies, it just isn't fair. I am in the process to planning my now 6 month pregnant best friends baby shower and it KILLS me. I am so happy for her, but it kills me inside.

I know that what you and I are going through is considered "normal" but it doesn't make any of it feel better.
My husband tries so hard to be there for me, and I know I don't make it easy for him. I have never wanted something for us so badly.

I am with you on this one :)

blackroses1015 08/12/2015

Thank you for writing Katie. I am so fed up with people as you say stating it's normal you will be ok......
It's comforting in a way to speak with someone thats actually going through the same thing and isn't just trying to make me feel better or get over it.
it is so true that unless you're living the life and going through the struggles you cannot and should not judge people. And I will never do that myself again.
People say they understand but they can only understand to a certain level.
I really feel for you with your best friend and I think you are being very strong in how you are handling it. I have started to push certain people away whether they're pregnant or trying for a baby mainly out of bitterness (I know this is a horrible thing but just my way of coping) and also of fear they will say something and i either break down in tears or snap at them.

I definitely know what you mean when you don't make it easy for your husband. My partner tries to say the right things or avoid certain conversations to try and make me feel better but it just makes it worse and I often break down in tears or shut him out.

I have booked a meeting with a counsellor in the next two weeks and I'm hoping that 'venting' my frustrations and worries to them will be some type of relief for me so I don't further burden my family and friends.

If you ever feel alone in your struggle, please right to me and we can help each other through this.

Thank you x

dana321 08/13/2015

My sister had a similar story and I worry a lot to avoid it myself. Miscarriage has broken her heart, but then she started struggling again. She had problems conceiving, so she went for IVF at http://ivf-sunrise.net and already the first cycle was successful for her! There is always a hope for those who sincerely want a baby.

mindyvosburgh 08/17/2015

I absolutely understand where your coming from. We just went through our second mc and I still feel like hiding in my house alone. I don't want to talk to anyone because I'm sick of all the crap they say. The "it wasn't meant to be" or " god will give you a baby when you are ready". I think thats BS. If you only get pregnant when you are ready then wjy do teenagers and drug addicts get pregnant?! We are ready!!! We waited till we were 30 to try. Im starting to think maybe that was a bad idea. But at this point, like you said I don't know if I ven want to try again. Im so scared to lose another one, and I cant go through that a third time, in a row. Plus I don't think I can put my SO through that again. The other night I was watching my 7 month old niece and I was holding her to put her to sleep and I started crying!!!shes only 3 1/2 months older than our first baby would have been right now. The way you are feeling must be normal because I swear I feel rhe exact same way. You are NOT alone. This I such a hard thing to go thru as it is and when nobody around you understands its easy to feel the way we feel. If you ever need to talk im here. Like you I decided to come on here just because I needed other women that could understand what we are going through.

drstanne 08/21/2015

You're not alone at all. Thank you for sharing your story. I have had three miscarriages, and now we are trying again and it's really difficult and putting a strain on our marriage. I want to try anything and everything that won't let another one happen, he just wants to keep trying naturally, since conceiving in his mind is not the issue.

Thank you for writing and expressing what you're feeling. The way you described how after the D&C was when you had the bursts of emotion is what I experienced too. It's like until you have the D&C, I was unable to process everything. But the grief comes afterward and is difficult to process. Unfortunately, my husband is not supportive, except for right after the losses happen. For that reason, I'm reaching out here, because I NEED support and I feel SO alone.

I wish you the best and successful pregnancies.

blackroses1015 08/25/2015

Sorry ladies for the delay in responding to your replies, this was no intentional!

Thank you so much for commenting and sharing your stories too. I sometimes have moments where I try not to be around anything that reminds me of all that has happened and is not happening right now.....this is why I hadn't checked in a while (also I don't get updates to my email so I didn't know anyone had replied).

I hope you are all feeling a little better from when you last wrote.
I have since spoken with my partner about how I've been feeling and at first he seemed a bit scared. As I have been hiding my true feeling from him and I honestly think he thought I was dealing with everything OK. I told him I am seeking counselling and have been speaking with other ladies who can relate to my situation.......surprisingly he seemed supportive and I honestly feel like he understands a little bit more. Or maybe he's just thankful I'm 'venting' to other people now.
I hope you too can open up to your SO and that they are a little more supportive than before.
x

friend4good 09/07/2015

No matter what happens in life, it is in our best interest to maintain our mental health to accept these outcomes that are beyond our control like a miss-carriage. The fact that you were dealt a hardship meant you were not supposed to conceive at that moment. Let it go and accept the fact that you had no choice in the matter. Nature took over. Once you accept that you can stop blaming yourself. If you want to keep trying that too is natural. You will either conceive or not. You may have another destiny and it may or not involve adopting if that is right. Whatever our lessons in life the biggest challenge is to recognize them. Only then can we grow from each lesson appropriately. At some turn in your life you will be able to clearly see what was your destiny is based on the outcome you not being able to bear a child at that point. Until then, enjoy where you are, and most importantly enjoy who you are. Remember you have some much to give in who you are. Love each moment.

sweep-pea 09/08/2015

Omg I just thought I was the only one feeling like this first off let my start of by saying I'm sorry for your lost. I just had a miscarriage on 8-21-15 this is my second one the first one I had back in 2004 I was trying to conceive for 10 years went to fertility doctors no help and on mothers day of this year I found out I was pregnant I was so excited I had gave up on trying to and I conceived without fertility I thought I couldn't get pregnant but I was wrong and what made it really special both of my sister in laws are pregnant and my niece. I just couldn't believe this happen to me again after I waited all these years of trying and its hard to see everybody else still pregnant one of my sister in laws just had her baby Thursday I was happy for her but mad a sad at the same time I JUST keep saying why me and I'm scared it might take me long again to conceive I have a doc appointment Monday I'm just ready to start again I'm just trying to stay positive and not stress myself out my husband has really bee a good support system so that's what keeping me going but I know just how you feel

aquabutterfly1983 09/09/2015

Wow. The 7th reply on here with the "star icon" made me so mad that I had to ignore/block that person. They are here supposedly here with a goal to uplift people, but what was said was so condescending and not at all uplifting in my opinion. This person is 50 years old and I could be wrong but it doesn't sound like someone who has actually been through a miscarriage. I went through my 3rd miscarriage in May and can relate to this forum. Just got my monthly two days late today with a 17 day luteal phase. We had been trying for over a year when we got pregnant the first time. Now my husband doesn't want to try again at least for awhile (not sure how long) because I had to quit my job due to low blood pressure and stress related seizures (which I have had for 7 years and were seemingly under control for awhile, but now I am having them everyday.) I am so depressed and hardly leave the house at all now, not driving due to the seizures, and having to file for disability at age 32. All I wanted to be was a stay at home mom, but my 11 year old doesn't live with me full time- and now with the seizures it's been even less. Also not trying means my husband wont have sex with me at all since I am off birth control. I feel like all my dreams are being flushed down the toilet.

rebecca77 10/12/2015

You are definitely not the only one.

I am turning 38 this month and have been trying to have a baby for awhile now. We have had 3 miscarriages now, the last two within a year of each other.

It seems as if everyone around us is pregnant and happy. It was just so easy for them or they weren't even trying. We did the ovulation kit, the apps on the phone etc. Trying to be healthy and eating right. We were just 7 weeks along and we misscarried again.

It is so frustrating and sad, I know my age has a lot to do with it, my doctor tells me its a numbers game, and that it will happen soon for us. But I am starting to lose hope.

If this is what is "Normal" I don't want it. This normal stinks. I want to be able to get pregnant and feel happy, comfortable and not stressed and worried.

ods0218 10/14/2015

You are definitely NOT the only one. My heart goes out to you. I, like you, feel stupid for even feeling depressed and sad. I am religious, but I was very angry with God for a long time. My sister in law has five children and only has three of them. My mother in law has the two oldest. They're accessories to her and I can't stand it.

I work at a outlet store and I dread going near the infant/toddler section. All the 'what ifs' pop in my head every time. I hope it's easier for you soon. And my thoughts are with you

cs265410 11/14/2015

Thank you. Thank you for sharing your truth. I'm in exactly the same state- we started trying last November and got pregnant on our Christmas babymoon. We shared with family over the holidays then misscarried on January 6th. I was trying so hard to keep everything together I shut everyone out. Which did the exact opposite effect and I had insane out bursts and became work obsessed to occupy my mind. We got pregnant again in May ... Thank God we paid our dues and this will be prefect-right? No- misscarried again at 7 weeks. WTF- as if it's not hard enough to deal with pregnancy after misscarriage... Dealing with misscarriage after misscarriage is pure insanity. Not to mention asshole doctors whose advise of "just have more sex" was not appreciated. The summer I decided I knew more then the medical profession and did the herbal route- most messed up cycles ever! Still no pregnancy. Now I am exactly where I stared a year ago with nothing to show. EVERYONE I know is pregnant- my sister in law is due in 2 weeks and I can't think of a worst thing to deal with- I'm happy for them but at the same time want to unleash my rage. We're now onto Clomid and I'm having my first IUI. If God could just come through on this cycle it might make this impossible time bearable. Anyway I share my story hoping it helps- you are not alone. I find myself so angry, I've tried to stay positive, do therapy, acupuncture but still am so angry and bitter inside. I have no friends who struggled and now have "friends" who think they are belong or relating only to really be gloating of their success and ease. So today I'm having a glass of wine in your honor and hopefully it's s little FU to all those stupid people out there.

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