Miscarriage Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have experienced the traumatizing event of a miscarriage or a stillbirth. Miscarriage remains one of the most common complication of pregnancy, but that doesn't make it easy to deal with. Join the group and find support in the company of others who know what you're going through.
I don't really know where to start. Please forgive me as my emotions are all over the place.
This past weekend, I suffered my second loss.
I had my first ultrasound of the pregnancy on Friday. I've been very ill and have already spent time in the hospital due to being very ill during this pregnancy. The night before the ultrasound was the first night in over a month that I had not been sick. I found out at the ultrasound that my baby had died, at 16 weeks into the pregnancy.
I had the D&C on Saturday. I had complications with losing too much blood, otherwise it went as well as it could (I think).
I am still in shock. One moment, I am laughing and Okay, and it's almost like I'm still pregnant. And then I get a few moments alone, and I am breaking down.
My first loss was almost 6 years ago. I was 9 weeks pregnant. The miscarriage happened on its own. You know, I told myself back then it wasn't meant to be. It was easier for me to disconnect, as wrong as that sounds.
This time it is so different. I mean, I saw him/her on the ultrasound screen and I became excited. I was so sure how this was going to be. Every part of my life was solidly planned out. Despite the fact that it would make me single mom of 4, there was no breaking the fact that I was so ready.
But I was very ill. I've been ill through each pregnancy. But as soon as I got to the labour stages, I became so strong. I think let myself believe it would be different this time. I've never gotten my hopes up high during pregnancy, because of what could happen. This time, I let that guard down because I was secure enough to.
My oldest son is devastated. My youngest is telling me that it's silly to lose a baby in my own belly. And my middle daughter is confused on how she should feel. I think we all are confused. And I feel very helpless and just so useless right now.
As hard as it may be, and whatever the reason, this time it wasn't meant to be.(Maybe there would have been something wrong and God was trying to spare you more heartache further down the line)
I don't know if you believe in God or not? Maybe if you and your kids could think that whatever the reason, this wasn't the time for this baby....but that someday you will all get to see it (as well as all the other loved ones who are no longer here with you) in heaven. And also, if they do realize you are so very glad that God has given you the three of them and that maybe you all can help each other through this loss.
Many hugs.
much aloha